advice on christening gown

[Anonymous]

This might sound premature, but I am Catholic and doing baptism preparation. My husband and I plan on having our baby baptized and I always imagined that he/she would wear a christening gown made from my wedding dress. I have already contacted a woman on Etsy who makes beautiful gowns out of wedding gowns. My husband's mother is rather pushy and she has a lot of influence on him because of her personality. She has a family heirloom christening gown that she claims is "400 years old" (it might be 100 years old) that she would like our baby to wear. My family also has a family christening gown and to avoid hurt feelings and start our own family tradition rather than always appeasing our parents, I would like our baby wear the gown made out of my dress. My family has a dress that all my aunts, uncles and cousins wore too. The thing is, my mother in law refuses to let my husband have the gown ahead of time and to dress our child himself at our home. She wants to dress the baby in the gown at church, which is ill advised. When our nephew was baptized, the dress was very flimsy, falling apart and cold for a winter baptism. Our baby will also be baptized in the winter. What would you do? I don't want to cause drama, but I would like our baby to wear a gown made from my dress, especially since they will be baptized in the same church where we were married (extra special).

[Anonymous]

I would just do what you want. Let her be pushy. However, I am very direct and do not respond to guilt and threats, so YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Here is your script, OP:

"That is such a lovely offer, I remember how nice that gown is! We are using a gown made from my wedding dress for the baptism, though - won't that be nice?"

[MIL pushes back]

"Oh, you are so nice to offer! We are all set, though, but thanks!"

[MIL pushes back]

"That is a nice offer, but we are all set. Did you see that it is going to rain this weekend? We've had such nice weather, I guess some rain will be nice for a change."

[MIL pushes back]

"We were thinking that if it rains, we'll see a movie, maybe have some lunch out."

[Anonymous]

Do like brides do nowadays, one outfit for the church, another for the afterparty. I did that for my DD when I had a family gown and then was sent another as a gift.

[Anonymous]

I think you should do what you want.

Just as an aside, why is it "ill-advised" to dress the baby at church? Unless you can walk there and carry the baby, I would dress the baby at church. There's no way to put a baby in a christening gown in a car seat without it becoming a wrinkled mess.

[Anonymous]

our baptism is during the mass and there is really nowhere at the church to change the baby. We live a few blocks from the church and will be walking.

The issue is that my mother in law will not let my husband and I dress the baby in the gown at our home (or the church if that was an option). The dress is extremely old and fragile and she doesn't want us to touch it or get it pressed beforehand. She lives out of state, doesn't visit us much and I am worried that it won't fit our baby if we don't see the dress until the day of the ceremony.

[Anonymous]

I love the idea of using the family heirloom. Our family didn't have one so I started one with my daughter and embroidered her name and date of baptism in it and hope it gets passed down from family to family. Don't you want to keep your wedding dress in the case someone in the family wants to wear it, or have it modified to work for their needs?

I'd line up both heirloom ones and see which one works or fits. Sounds like you have a plethora of options. If one doesn't work (and some of these gowns are truly tiny - you don't say how big your baby is nor what the family gowns are like), then you have the two other family ones as a backup. And yes switch out later for the family reception. (We had a reception before - you could do that too - by then you would know what the gowns look like and have decided which one goes to church).

And for the cold, you just wrap the baby in a blanket for presentation. Also, if your priests uses a lot of water, you may want to have a second dress on hand anyhow.

BTW, the practice of the white christening gown didn't start until the 19th century, so your MIL's gown can't be 400 years old.

I preserved my wedding dress and my daughter plans to wear it. Is yours really a dated look? If not, I'd just preserve and store. You never know. I love the practice (again not done in my family) of having brides wear the same dress or modified. I saw a photo once of five brides in one family - all in the same dress, each with its own twist suiting the bride's personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our baptism is during the mass and there is really nowhere at the church to change the baby. We live a few blocks from the church and will be walking.

The issue is that my mother in law will not let my husband and I dress the baby in the gown at our home (or the church if that was an option). The dress is extremely old and fragile and she doesn't want us to touch it or get it pressed beforehand. She lives out of state, doesn't visit us much and I am worried that it won't fit our baby if we don't see the dress until the day of the ceremony.

But...you don't want to use the heirloom dress, so why are you spending time explaining that the dress is old, fragile, she won't let you dress the baby at home, etc.....Don't use it. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is your script, OP:

"That is such a lovely offer, I remember how nice that gown is! We are using a gown made from my wedding dress for the baptism, though - won't that be nice?"

[MIL pushes back]

"Oh, you are so nice to offer! We are all set, though, but thanks!"

[MIL pushes back]

"That is a nice offer, but we are all set. Did you see that it is going to rain this weekend? We've had such nice weather, I guess some rain will be nice for a change."

[MIL pushes back]

"We were thinking that if it rains, we'll see a movie, maybe have some lunch out."

This is fantastic advice. No need to make excuses or explain yourself. You have already decided on a special gown. Acknowledge the generosity and significance of her idea, and do as you already planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is your script, OP:

"That is such a lovely offer, I remember how nice that gown is! We are using a gown made from my wedding dress for the baptism, though - won't that be nice?"

[MIL pushes back]

"Oh, you are so nice to offer! We are all set, though, but thanks!"

[MIL pushes back]

"That is a nice offer, but we are all set. Did you see that it is going to rain this weekend? We've had such nice weather, I guess some rain will be nice for a change."

[MIL pushes back]

"We were thinking that if it rains, we'll see a movie, maybe have some lunch out."

+1. You kid, your decision, but you unfortunately still have to be polite. What does dh think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our baptism is during the mass and there is really nowhere at the church to change the baby. We live a few blocks from the church and will be walking.

The issue is that my mother in law will not let my husband and I dress the baby in the gown at our home (or the church if that was an option). The dress is extremely old and fragile and she doesn't want us to touch it or get it pressed beforehand. She lives out of state, doesn't visit us much and I am worried that it won't fit our baby if we don't see the dress until the day of the ceremony.

But you're not using that dress...you're using the one you're having made, right? So why does any of this matter?

MIL's reluctance to let you handle the dress beforehand is just one more good reason not to use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:our baptism is during the mass and there is really nowhere at the church to change the baby. We live a few blocks from the church and will be walking.

The issue is that my mother in law will not let my husband and I dress the baby in the gown at our home (or the church if that was an option). The dress is extremely old and fragile and she doesn't want us to touch it or get it pressed beforehand. She lives out of state, doesn't visit us much and I am worried that it won't fit our baby if we don't see the dress until the day of the ceremony.

But you're not using that dress...you're using the one you're having made, right? So why does any of this matter?

MIL's reluctance to let you handle the dress beforehand is just one more good reason not to use it.

Really. And doesn't it solve the problem? Baby will already be wearing your wedding dress so no need to change into family heirloom dress.

[Anonymous]

I agree with not using it if you don't want to. Can you take some pictures with him wearing it after or the next day for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the idea of using the family heirloom. Our family didn't have one so I started one with my daughter and embroidered her name and date of baptism in it and hope it gets passed down from family to family. Don't you want to keep your wedding dress in the case someone in the family wants to wear it, or have it modified to work for their needs?

I'd line up both heirloom ones and see which one works or fits. Sounds like you have a plethora of options. If one doesn't work (and some of these gowns are truly tiny - you don't say how big your baby is nor what the family gowns are like), then you have the two other family ones as a backup. And yes switch out later for the family reception. (We had a reception before - you could do that too - by then you would know what the gowns look like and have decided which one goes to church).

And for the cold, you just wrap the baby in a blanket for presentation. Also, if your priests uses a lot of water, you may want to have a second dress on hand anyhow.

BTW, the practice of the white christening gown didn't start until the 19th century, so your MIL's gown can't be 400 years old.

I preserved my wedding dress and my daughter plans to wear it. Is yours really a dated look? If not, I'd just preserve and store. You never know. I love the practice (again not done in my family) of having brides wear the same dress or modified. I saw a photo once of five brides in one family - all in the same dress, each with its own twist suiting the bride's personality.

How old is your daughter?
She may plan to wear it but she wont wear it, they ever do.

[Anonymous]

If your MIL really tried to get you to believe that this gown is 400 years old, then you can add "crazy" to her list. Are you sure she didn't say 100 years old, which makes a lot more sense?