ILs let themselves into our house

[Anonymous]

Our in-laws visit once a week to spend time with the grandkids and us. They have a habit of just walking into our house without knocking. Or they knock once and then immediately open the door before we can get to the door. It really started bothering me when I was home sick one day and I heard the front door open and it scared the crap out of me - my FIL decided to drop in for an unannounced visit in the middle of the day and didn't realize I was at home. My husband and kids were not home, but he was going to sit there and wait til we got home. This is not a "I think my FIL is creepy" post but more of a how do I set boundaries with them? I would never just walk into their house without knocking or ringing the doorbell even though I have a key. They think it's okay and that that's why we give each other keys.

[Anonymous]

LOCK THE DOOR. If they have keys, change the locks. This is weird!

[Anonymous]

Would it be too awkward to just change the locks and not say anything? I would feel really nervous about anyone visiting when I'm not there.

[Anonymous]

if you gave them a key, why would they bother you to open the door? If you wanted to ge the door, why give them a key?

[Anonymous]

Why not just say, "MIL, can you give me a call or a text before you come over- I get so freaked out when I don't know, as it you might be a burglar! HAHAHAH."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you gave them a key, why would they bother you to open the door? If you wanted to ge the door, why give them a key?

For emergencies, or we're out of town and want them to water the plants, or they need to pick the kids up and drop them off...lots of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Put a chain on the door and when you are not expecting anyone, pull the chain. When you are out of the house, leave the chain off. Let them know that when you are home alone, that you put on the chain and they should call and let you know they are coming or ring the bell and you'll let them in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if you gave them a key, why would they bother you to open the door? If you wanted to ge the door, why give them a key?

For emergencies, or we're out of town and want them to water the plants, or they need to pick the kids up and drop them off...lots of reasons.

I get your reasons above BUT its you and your DH's fault for letting this ridiculous and intrusive behavior go one this long. The first time they opened OUR house door with OUR key I would have had DH say something like its not appropriate for you to use the key unless its an emergency or we have asked you to enter.

You need to both grow up and tell them NOT to open your door unless its for x,y, or z.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just say, "MIL, can you give me a call or a text before you come over- I get so freaked out when I don't know, as it you might be a burglar! HAHAHAH."

Another version of this: "I know we would all be terribly embarrassed if you came through the door unannounced while I was half dressed, so why do you let me know to expect you and wait for me to answer the door."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just say, "MIL, can you give me a call or a text before you come over- I get so freaked out when I don't know, as it you might be a burglar! HAHAHAH."

Another version of this: "I know we would all be terribly embarrassed if you came through the door unannounced while I was half dressed, so why do you let me know to expect you and wait for me to answer the door."

"Ahhh...it's nothing I haven't seen before love."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put a chain on the door and when you are not expecting anyone, pull the chain. When you are out of the house, leave the chain off. Let them know that when you are home alone, that you put on the chain and they should call and let you know they are coming or ring the bell and you'll let them in.

+1 -- This is the best solution and the first time they encounter the chain, they should get the hint.

Take your time getting to the door, too. And say "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone and I'm right in the middle of something. Why don't you come back [much later], when I'll have more time to chat?"

[Anonymous]

Chain. It's your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if you gave them a key, why would they bother you to open the door? If you wanted to ge the door, why give them a key?

For emergencies, or we're out of town and want them to water the plants, or they need to pick the kids up and drop them off...lots of reasons.

I get your reasons above BUT its you and your DH's fault for letting this ridiculous and intrusive behavior go one this long. The first time they opened OUR house door with OUR key I would have had DH say something like its not appropriate for you to use the key unless its an emergency or we have asked you to enter.

You need to both grow up and tell them NOT to open your door unless its for x,y, or z.

Exactly this. "Even though you have a key for emergencies, we'd really prefer you knock and wait until we come to the door to enter. If we're not home, please don't enter the house. It really bothered me when FIL walked in when I was/my wife was home sick the other day."

[Anonymous]

I know someone who had a super nosy MIL (which may not be your situation) and made sure MIL walked in on her and DH being intimate once. Her MIL never did it again. Not my style but it worked

[Anonymous]

OP-- would you feel the same way if it were your own parents?