Are there people who feel like their family members like them, and if so, what is that like?

[Anonymous]

Context: I have always felt like the less favored/scapegoat in the family. My older siblings, particularly the oldest, are clearly preferred and better liked by my parents and each other than I am. They are far more successful, etc. They include each other in vacations, visits, etc, while I am often not invited. If I am, I am the one who has to sleep in a hotel, take a cab from the airport, etc.

Are there people who feel like their parents and siblings genuinely like them and enjoy being with them? Like does your mom or dad's face or voice light up when you walk in the room or call? Do they want you to come visit? This does not happen with me. It feels very lonely.

[Anonymous]

Yes, however, I can't imagine hearing that other people have nicer families is going to help you any.

What is your real question?

Sorry that you aren't getting what you need from them. You may need to find your own support group aside from them.

[Anonymous]

I was the wayward, wild, psuedo black sheep of the family at one point. It was kind of cool actually and I did hang with my friends more than my family at that point in my life. Now I'm boring and responsible...but I look back on those crazy days and grin.

I've never felt completely rejected by my family, though. That would suck. Sorry that you're feeling that way.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of five and while we are all vastly different, and may not have been friends otherwise, we get alone fabulously and love each other immensely.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we moved a lot as kids and we often only had each other. When the older kids moved out they were really good at keeping in touch with the younger ones.

My parents are strange, crazy odd, but they are good at loving us all equally.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry you feel like this and are excluded by your family. Are you at a different stage in your life? Sometimes without meaning to, siblings segregate according to their children's ages, or where they are in their career, or if they are married or not.

My DH and his youngest brother were the black sheep of their family because they did not settle down into lucrative careers and marriage early, compared to their other brothers, but all siblings were loved equally by my ILs!

[Anonymous]

OP, its not such a big deal. DH is the "black sheep" of his family, but he is by far the most successful, so it is based on sheer jealousy. So, it could go either way.

[Anonymous]

I think one of my 3 siblings likes me. I am the youngest, and she is the next eldest, so that means I smile and nod and agree with most everything she says, always make time for her phone calls, and so she calls me and has even invited me to her house on occasion. We do share the most similar life-views, however I do a lot of tongue biting and eye rolling (on the phone - not in person). With the other two I am more myself, and less accepting of their vastly different opinions and lifestyles, and so I don't get invitations or phone calls from them.

Our mother has a talent for making us all seem equal in her eyes, regardless of her true feelings.

[Anonymous]

19:18 here. I think part of the success of the relationship between my siblings and myself is that we don't hide our opinions. We will argue and disagree with each other but if you wait ten minutes all hard feelings are gone.

DH, his siblings, and his parents all hold grudges and they have the worst relationships. No one is happy to see the other, they don't talk more than once a year, and he'd never see them if it wasn't for my insisting he do one visit with them a year. I'm the one that brings the kids to family functions because it's gotten to the point where DH just doesn't want to deal with them. Our kids are the only grandkids and his parents are in their 70's and 80's so I think it's important for the kids to see them a few times a year.

[Anonymous]

I am an only child and my parents don't seem to be that interested in a relationship. They retired 4000 miles away and rarely bother to visit, though they travel the world several times per year. I've always felt they are disappointed/embarassed of me. My in-laws definitely don't like me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel somewhat the way you do. I genuinely question whether my mother loves me. I think she does, but I think she has a hard time at it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel you! I come from a family of six kids, who all dislike each other, more or less, although I am very close to one sib. In my family it is very competitive, and finically, DH and I are doing well. My brothers cannot abide that. They keep telling me that my DH's credentials are not real, looking him up on the internet, calling around ect. It is crazy. It has become a family joke that my DH did not go to Harvard!! (he didn't -- he went to another school) They call me and tell me he does not work for the President!! I never said he did. No one ever said he did. You get the picture. (Maybe) I do not know why they are so obsessed with my DH, but there it is. Because I was the "black sheep" it irks them to no end that I am doing something different with my life than what they had hoped -- we have more or less come to terms with their feelings.

[Anonymous]

^^ It is a little scary that the family had picked me out as the "family loser" and that they are so mad that I am not in that role.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. My parents hate me too. I think it's because (1) they're crazy and (2) I'm more successful. They're both insane narcissists, and it's been tough to cut them out. But I'm doing it, and just ignoring all the weird little slights they do. I LOVE staying in hotels while my sisters have to stay with them. The last time I stayed with my parents, they broke into my ipad and went through all my emails.

You're not alone.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, that sucks. I just had a weekend where I was feeling a bit "left out" of the family when I stumbled upon this thread. Not so much with my parents but sisters and extended family. I live away from my family and think that's part of the problem with losing connection. We had a big family party and I'd be talking to a cousin/aunt/uncle and after about 5 minutes you could see their eyes scanning the room looking for an escape. I was like WTF, am I that boring? Then there's my sisters- seems in recent years that they are closer. At one point sis #1 says "Sister pic!" and grabs sis #2 for a picture. Despite that I was only a few feet away, I wasn't included. Later on it was posted as a gushy sisters-forever post on Facebook. Sis #1 was also making fun of the dish I made and didn't want to put it out with others ("do you think anyone is actually going to eat it?" Nice.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child and my parents don't seem to be that interested in a relationship. They retired 4000 miles away and rarely bother to visit, though they travel the world several times per year. I've always felt they are disappointed/embarassed of me. My in-laws definitely don't like me.

I want to hug you- I am sorry. This is tough and I hope you don't internalize it too much