What the heck does this mean?

[Anonymous]

Fil has twice made this comment to me after attending my brotger's wedding:
"Your mother looked so unhappy at the wedding. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. I approached her the next day and she told me that there was a problem with the caterer. I just wanted to tell you how awful she looked."

Eh?
Is he trying to imply she's not happy with her new DIL? (She is,we all are)
Or being weirdly critical?
He's usually a nice placid guy, but it feels like a barb.

I said something vague "oh, yeah? I guess weddings are stressful for the hosting parents."

But tell me why would someone say that?

[Anonymous]

Eh. Let it go. He's a guy who said something stupid. This is no big deal. Men say dumb things all the time.

[Anonymous]

Men like to present a problem and a solution. He thinks he's being helpful somehow, in other words, telling you that there was a problem with the caterer. He doesn't realize that this sounds totally insensitive. It's not meant to be mean but it comes across that way.

[Anonymous]

This was your brother's wedding? And your FIL was a guest?

FIL noticed that your mother (not his wife, your mom) seemed unhappy about something at the wedding. FIL asked your mom the next day if something was wrong and she said that there had been a problem with the caterer.

Why don't you call YOUR mom and find out what (if anything) happened? Usually the Bride's family pays/arranges for the caterer - that isn't always the case, though.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Wedding was 8 weeks ago. He has mentioned this to me twice in the last 8 weeks. The wedding was jointly hosted by both families.

[Anonymous]

Well, given that he's mentioned this twice since the wedding, it might be a barb. Or maybe he's really bothered by something related to your mother's reaction that he's just not articulating very well - or at all - in his commentary. If he mentions it again, if I were you, I'd nicely ask him if there's something more to the comment.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he said something stupid about the food/caterers to your mom only to learn that your mom had helped hire the caterers/select the food. Maybe he's afraid that he offended your mom and is too embarrassed to ask you if she is mad at him?

I wouldn't make a big deal about it, just casually ask your mom if something went wrong with the caterers.

[Anonymous]

If he's that concerned about your mother, tell him to call her.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you think your mom looked unhappy? My FIL says things like this all the time. He is just really catty and likes to create problems where there are none, and likes to stir the pot. It's weird for a 70-year-old man to behave that way, but he does.

[Anonymous]

Ten to one, even if Mom was upset/stressed out or even annoyed by something FIL said at the wedding - she is fine now that the event is over, went reasonably well and her son is happily married. If you're worried (or FIL seems worried about it) I can't see any harm in bringing the caterers up casually and see if she has anything to say about them.

If Mom seems fine, I'd let it drop. If FIL asks again just let him know that whatever the problem was has been resolved and is no longer an issue.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and whatever you do, don't tell mom that FIL said that she looked "unhappy" "awful" - lol. Don't bring that up.

[Anonymous]

Op here - I don't have any intention of asking my mom anything.... Wedding was great, food was terrific, I have nothing to add... Just annoying that he's said this twice - it feels like he's trying to insult me - why would he tell me twice how "awful" my mother looked at her son's wedding. I tried to look blank and stay calm inside both times.

[Anonymous]

This is someone who should not be invited to your family's events. I never mix DH's family with mine. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I don't have any intention of asking my mom anything.... Wedding was great, food was terrific, I have nothing to add... Just annoying that he's said this twice - it feels like he's trying to insult me - why would he tell me twice how "awful" my mother looked at her son's wedding. I tried to look blank and stay calm inside both times.

If you think he's just being a jerk, ignore him. Remember, you've got the pictures to PROVE that your mom looked absolutely beautiful at the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I don't have any intention of asking my mom anything.... Wedding was great, food was terrific, I have nothing to add... Just annoying that he's said this twice - it feels like he's trying to insult me - why would he tell me twice how "awful" my mother looked at her son's wedding. I tried to look blank and stay calm inside both times.

If you think he's just being a jerk, ignore him. Remember, you've got the pictures to PROVE that your mom looked absolutely beautiful at the wedding.

You're right, you're wonderful, and thank you for your kindness.