Parents getting upset about any group invitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to learn how to make their own friends. Who cares if you’re not in the “clique” even if there is one. Find your own group.

For all we know this woman has other friends. I think the issue is that these are the dynamics at the school. From OP's anecdotes, it seems apparent the woman is upset about her kid being left out, not her. The issue has been kids talking about parties her son wasn't invited to, and him feeling left out when other kids' moms showed up for gym class but his mom wasn't there.

Maybe her hostility stems from frustration that in order for her son to feel included with these kids, she has to deal with their moms. Maybe she wishes the clique didn't exist, not because she's jealous and wants to be in it, but because it would be easier if there was no clique and she could just arrange playdates with the other kids without these dynamics.

I will say my favorite families to interact with are often the ones who don't want a lot from me socially, because I already have social commitments and don't really need a lot more. There's a family we know where our kids exchange playdates every week. They are nice but our only interaction is just hi and buy at the playdates and texts regarding logistics. It's just easy and the girls are good friends without us having to do a lot. It's such a relief.

There’s nothing stopping her from organizing playdates. As I said she’s never initiated anything. It’s really weird to care about a group of 5 people
hanging out when there’s over 100 families.

You say your kids are friends at school but have never done playdates together. Does your kid do playdates with your friend's kids?

Yes but also other kids who aren’t my friend’s children and neighbors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to learn how to make their own friends. Who cares if you’re not in the “clique” even if there is one. Find your own group.

For all we know this woman has other friends. I think the issue is that these are the dynamics at the school. From OP's anecdotes, it seems apparent the woman is upset about her kid being left out, not her. The issue has been kids talking about parties her son wasn't invited to, and him feeling left out when other kids' moms showed up for gym class but his mom wasn't there.

Maybe her hostility stems from frustration that in order for her son to feel included with these kids, she has to deal with their moms. Maybe she wishes the clique didn't exist, not because she's jealous and wants to be in it, but because it would be easier if there was no clique and she could just arrange playdates with the other kids without these dynamics.

I will say my favorite families to interact with are often the ones who don't want a lot from me socially, because I already have social commitments and don't really need a lot more. There's a family we know where our kids exchange playdates every week. They are nice but our only interaction is just hi and buy at the playdates and texts regarding logistics. It's just easy and the girls are good friends without us having to do a lot. It's such a relief.

There’s nothing stopping her from organizing playdates. As I said she’s never initiated anything. It’s really weird to care about a group of 5 people
hanging out when there’s over 100 families.

You say your kids are friends at school but have never done playdates together. Does your kid do playdates with your friend's kids?

Yes but also other kids who aren’t my friend’s children and neighbors

Her kid is friends with your kid. This isn’t that hard to figure out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to learn how to make their own friends. Who cares if you’re not in the “clique” even if there is one. Find your own group.

For all we know this woman has other friends. I think the issue is that these are the dynamics at the school. From OP's anecdotes, it seems apparent the woman is upset about her kid being left out, not her. The issue has been kids talking about parties her son wasn't invited to, and him feeling left out when other kids' moms showed up for gym class but his mom wasn't there.

Maybe her hostility stems from frustration that in order for her son to feel included with these kids, she has to deal with their moms. Maybe she wishes the clique didn't exist, not because she's jealous and wants to be in it, but because it would be easier if there was no clique and she could just arrange playdates with the other kids without these dynamics.

I will say my favorite families to interact with are often the ones who don't want a lot from me socially, because I already have social commitments and don't really need a lot more. There's a family we know where our kids exchange playdates every week. They are nice but our only interaction is just hi and buy at the playdates and texts regarding logistics. It's just easy and the girls are good friends without us having to do a lot. It's such a relief.

There’s nothing stopping her from organizing playdates. As I said she’s never initiated anything. It’s really weird to care about a group of 5 people
hanging out when there’s over 100 families.

Were all those other people blabbing to kids at school about their private end of year party? Your group brought this on yourselves.

[Anonymous]

I would just ignore her and move on. Teach your kids not to blab about social plans at school - it’s rude and even a 5 year old can learn that.

[Anonymous]

Why do you and your 5 friends call your get togethers parties? That’s stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just commented above at "9:07" with my initial thoughts and I read through the first 7 pages or so.

After reading the follow-up comments from you OP, I think this sounds more like a parent-friendship/relationship issue than a child-friendship-parent connection issue. I got that there are 110 kids in your child's grade at school, but within this group of "mom friends" , who have all known each other since the kids were babies...how big is that? I imagine it is MUCH smaller (which is totally fine). I'm guessing 10-20ish? Maybe max 30? I would still touch base with the school counselor so they can be aware of some challenging dynamics and provide support as needed.

It’s FIVE of us.

Five + one? Just put her on your small group chat and forget all this. Who cares if the extra girl's mom responds or not. Don't subdivide the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to learn how to make their own friends. Who cares if you’re not in the “clique” even if there is one. Find your own group.

For all we know this woman has other friends. I think the issue is that these are the dynamics at the school. From OP's anecdotes, it seems apparent the woman is upset about her kid being left out, not her. The issue has been kids talking about parties her son wasn't invited to, and him feeling left out when other kids' moms showed up for gym class but his mom wasn't there.

Maybe her hostility stems from frustration that in order for her son to feel included with these kids, she has to deal with their moms. Maybe she wishes the clique didn't exist, not because she's jealous and wants to be in it, but because it would be easier if there was no clique and she could just arrange playdates with the other kids without these dynamics.

I will say my favorite families to interact with are often the ones who don't want a lot from me socially, because I already have social commitments and don't really need a lot more. There's a family we know where our kids exchange playdates every week. They are nice but our only interaction is just hi and buy at the playdates and texts regarding logistics. It's just easy and the girls are good friends without us having to do a lot. It's such a relief.

There’s nothing stopping her from organizing playdates. As I said she’s never initiated anything. It’s really weird to care about a group of 5 people
hanging out when there’s over 100 families.

You say your kids are friends at school but have never done playdates together. Does your kid do playdates with your friend's kids?

Yes but also other kids who aren’t my friend’s children and neighbors

Her kid is friends with your kid. This isn’t that hard to figure out.

As I said we have invited her child over before, it has never been reciprocated. If you want to be included and thought of start with actually engaging with the people you’ve made left you or your child out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to learn how to make their own friends. Who cares if you’re not in the “clique” even if there is one. Find your own group.

For all we know this woman has other friends. I think the issue is that these are the dynamics at the school. From OP's anecdotes, it seems apparent the woman is upset about her kid being left out, not her. The issue has been kids talking about parties her son wasn't invited to, and him feeling left out when other kids' moms showed up for gym class but his mom wasn't there.

Maybe her hostility stems from frustration that in order for her son to feel included with these kids, she has to deal with their moms. Maybe she wishes the clique didn't exist, not because she's jealous and wants to be in it, but because it would be easier if there was no clique and she could just arrange playdates with the other kids without these dynamics.

I will say my favorite families to interact with are often the ones who don't want a lot from me socially, because I already have social commitments and don't really need a lot more. There's a family we know where our kids exchange playdates every week. They are nice but our only interaction is just hi and buy at the playdates and texts regarding logistics. It's just easy and the girls are good friends without us having to do a lot. It's such a relief.

There’s nothing stopping her from organizing playdates. As I said she’s never initiated anything. It’s really weird to care about a group of 5 people
hanging out when there’s over 100 families.

You say your kids are friends at school but have never done playdates together. Does your kid do playdates with your friend's kids?

Yes but also other kids who aren’t my friend’s children and neighbors

Her kid is friends with your kid. This isn’t that hard to figure out.

As I said we have invited her child over before, it has never been reciprocated. If you want to be included and thought of start with actually engaging with the people you’ve made left you or your child out.

So you're mad she doesn't invite your child in return?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just commented above at "9:07" with my initial thoughts and I read through the first 7 pages or so.

After reading the follow-up comments from you OP, I think this sounds more like a parent-friendship/relationship issue than a child-friendship-parent connection issue. I got that there are 110 kids in your child's grade at school, but within this group of "mom friends" , who have all known each other since the kids were babies...how big is that? I imagine it is MUCH smaller (which is totally fine). I'm guessing 10-20ish? Maybe max 30? I would still touch base with the school counselor so they can be aware of some challenging dynamics and provide support as needed.

It’s FIVE of us.

Five + one? Just put her on your small group chat and forget all this. Who cares if the extra girl's mom responds or not. Don't subdivide the group.

What? No that’s not how friendships work. We talk everyday on our group chat. My child is not any closer with this child than most of the other kids. Many of the kids are friends with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to learn how to make their own friends. Who cares if you’re not in the “clique” even if there is one. Find your own group.

For all we know this woman has other friends. I think the issue is that these are the dynamics at the school. From OP's anecdotes, it seems apparent the woman is upset about her kid being left out, not her. The issue has been kids talking about parties her son wasn't invited to, and him feeling left out when other kids' moms showed up for gym class but his mom wasn't there.

Maybe her hostility stems from frustration that in order for her son to feel included with these kids, she has to deal with their moms. Maybe she wishes the clique didn't exist, not because she's jealous and wants to be in it, but because it would be easier if there was no clique and she could just arrange playdates with the other kids without these dynamics.

I will say my favorite families to interact with are often the ones who don't want a lot from me socially, because I already have social commitments and don't really need a lot more. There's a family we know where our kids exchange playdates every week. They are nice but our only interaction is just hi and buy at the playdates and texts regarding logistics. It's just easy and the girls are good friends without us having to do a lot. It's such a relief.

There’s nothing stopping her from organizing playdates. As I said she’s never initiated anything. It’s really weird to care about a group of 5 people
hanging out when there’s over 100 families.

You say your kids are friends at school but have never done playdates together. Does your kid do playdates with your friend's kids?

Yes but also other kids who aren’t my friend’s children and neighbors

Her kid is friends with your kid. This isn’t that hard to figure out.

As I said we have invited her child over before, it has never been reciprocated. If you want to be included and thought of start with actually engaging with the people you’ve made left you or your child out.

So you're mad she doesn't invite your child in return?

No. I think it’s absolutely insane she doesn’t engage, communicate or initiate and basically expects an invitation to anything we do with more than 1 person.

[Anonymous]

Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to learn how to make their own friends. Who cares if you’re not in the “clique” even if there is one. Find your own group.

For all we know this woman has other friends. I think the issue is that these are the dynamics at the school. From OP's anecdotes, it seems apparent the woman is upset about her kid being left out, not her. The issue has been kids talking about parties her son wasn't invited to, and him feeling left out when other kids' moms showed up for gym class but his mom wasn't there.

Maybe her hostility stems from frustration that in order for her son to feel included with these kids, she has to deal with their moms. Maybe she wishes the clique didn't exist, not because she's jealous and wants to be in it, but because it would be easier if there was no clique and she could just arrange playdates with the other kids without these dynamics.

I will say my favorite families to interact with are often the ones who don't want a lot from me socially, because I already have social commitments and don't really need a lot more. There's a family we know where our kids exchange playdates every week. They are nice but our only interaction is just hi and buy at the playdates and texts regarding logistics. It's just easy and the girls are good friends without us having to do a lot. It's such a relief.

There’s nothing stopping her from organizing playdates. As I said she’s never initiated anything. It’s really weird to care about a group of 5 people
hanging out when there’s over 100 families.

Were all those other people blabbing to kids at school about their private end of year party? Your group brought this on yourselves.

Most people got together with their friends the last day. I personally hosted a large party at a pool the first weekend and every child of that sex and their family was invited. Nothing is enough though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

They are friends but not any more than many other kids. There’s probably about 20 kids in their grade that play together at recess and have been in the same sports teams in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

There’s just dynamics of friendship YOU are not picking up. Not everyone gets invited to everything. Why would you want to be?