Revealing affair

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

DING DING DING

They have no options so they’d rather live in a delulu “good marriage” than know the truth.

Yes, everyone knows Hillary Clinton and Beyonce are "too weak" and "delulu".

Um, yes. Consider why they stayed. I'll give you all the time you need.

[Anonymous]

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Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

DP. I think the PP had some sense, and your critique makes you sound like you can’t see more than one side to any issue.

The OP did the right thing, and is probably also a shameful vindictive person no matter what kind of happy spin she’s using to justify her morality.

No I think PP has some mental illness where she just can't fathom how the real world works.

OP did the right thing. Period. The rest is just your delusion.

You think it was the right thing. Not everyone agrees. The other spouse might have been one of those people. OP had no way of knowing which kind of person the other spouse is. OP did for herself without caring about the other person.

That’s the point. OP didn’t even care. She didn’t do it to save someone from a burning house. She did for herself. Even if it hurt an innocent party.

No that is not the point. The point is that you are making up fake scenarios in your head and arguing them like it's not some delusional fiction you created.

That is the thing about being delusional, you can't see it.

What fake scenario? That OP told the other spouse with no regard for them? That is exactly what happened.

Keep up, these aren't long posts to which you're responding.

PP said "The other spouse might have been one of those people" when in fact they were NOT one of those people.

[Anonymous]

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Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

DP. I think the PP had some sense, and your critique makes you sound like you can’t see more than one side to any issue.

The OP did the right thing, and is probably also a shameful vindictive person no matter what kind of happy spin she’s using to justify her morality.

No I think PP has some mental illness where she just can't fathom how the real world works.

OP did the right thing. Period. The rest is just your delusion.

You think it was the right thing. Not everyone agrees. The other spouse might have been one of those people. OP had no way of knowing which kind of person the other spouse is. OP did for herself without caring about the other person.

That’s the point. OP didn’t even care. She didn’t do it to save someone from a burning house. She did for herself. Even if it hurt an innocent party.

You can craft whatever kind of story you need to in your head, but OP said he was glad to know. So who cares what her motivation was - he is glad to know. Period. End of story. Don't choke on the sand while you're down there.

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

Again that is just a delusional story you have made up in your head.

Did you read the OP? That is exactly what OP said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

Well luckily OP didn't ask you what you thought about what she did. And the other spouse was glad to have the information. So, you lose.

[Anonymous]

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Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

DP. I think the PP had some sense, and your critique makes you sound like you can’t see more than one side to any issue.

The OP did the right thing, and is probably also a shameful vindictive person no matter what kind of happy spin she’s using to justify her morality.

No I think PP has some mental illness where she just can't fathom how the real world works.

OP did the right thing. Period. The rest is just your delusion.

You think it was the right thing. Not everyone agrees. The other spouse might have been one of those people. OP had no way of knowing which kind of person the other spouse is. OP did for herself without caring about the other person.

That’s the point. OP didn’t even care. She didn’t do it to save someone from a burning house. She did for herself. Even if it hurt an innocent party.

No that is not the point. The point is that you are making up fake scenarios in your head and arguing them like it's not some delusional fiction you created.

That is the thing about being delusional, you can't see it.

What fake scenario? That OP told the other spouse with no regard for them? That is exactly what happened.

Keep up, these aren't long posts to which you're responding.

PP said "The other spouse might have been one of those people" when in fact they were NOT one of those people.

Did OP know that when they told them?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Then delete the email. Problem solved.

Not wanting to know does not mean turning away, when someone deliberately shoves it in your face.

OP here. The other betrayed spouse thanked me for telling them. They told me they were grateful for the information because they had noticed their spouse had been acting differently but denied and deflected. They told me they felt relieved that they now knew the truth.

I'm glad I told them. I hated keeping such an awful secret from another innocent person. They deserved to know what was happening in their marriage so they could make informed choices for themselves, their health, their marriage, etc.

still, all about you. Here’s your cape. You’re my hero.

Actually, they use the word they more than they use the word I.

I’m sorry that you can’t be a good person. I’m sorry about whatever happened to you in your childhood that brought you to this point in the world.

None of us need capes to be a normal, caring and compassionate human.

This is so f'd up. Counting the use of "I" vs "They" is your justification for insulting op? Crazy. Come clean. Were you the one who blew up your marriage? It's clear that it hurt you financially and messed up your fairytale life. Deal with that instead of attacking op.

I wonder what happened to her? Addiction? Childhood abuse?

It’s wild to see someone so delusional.

Honestly, what happened to you that you feel
The need to be so hyperbolic about anyone that has a differing opinion than you? The only person attacking anyone is you. No one has personally attacked the OP in the manner you’re attacking anyone that doesn’t agree with her tactic. You okay?

You realize that all of your posts have the same weird format, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

DING DING DING

They have no options so they’d rather live in a delulu “good marriage” than know the truth.

Yes, everyone knows Hillary Clinton and Beyonce are "too weak" and "delulu".

Don't try to use their f'd up marriages as examples of a standard marriages most of us want. With fame and politics involved, people make different choices. It's sick that you try to normalize this.

You realize that despite their jobs, these are women, just like other women? So you not know anyone with fame or “high status”? Really, they’re just people. Yes, they have different challenges but they’re just people whose jobs put them in the public eye and pay well.

One of them happened to run for President a while back, in case you forgot. A position she would NOT have been in had she left her husband after he cheated on her. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

Well luckily OP didn't ask you what you thought about what she did. And the other spouse was glad to have the information. So, you lose.

I you seem really emotionally invested in winning. This is not a contest. This was someone else’s feelings that OP did not care about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

Again that is just a delusional story you have made up in your head.

Did you read the OP? That is exactly what OP said.

NO and the fact that you see that when you read her post shows you are delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

DING DING DING

They have no options so they’d rather live in a delulu “good marriage” than know the truth.

Yes, everyone knows Hillary Clinton and Beyonce are "too weak" and "delulu".

Don't try to use their f'd up marriages as examples of a standard marriages most of us want. With fame and politics involved, people make different choices. It's sick that you try to normalize this.

Yes these are women who are damaged in some way regardless of wealth, and fame.

I'ts not like PP could use regular people as an example, but I guarantee you that you know and love someone who has been the victim of infidelity and stayed and didn't tell you.

I also guarantee you that no one, NO ONE, isn't "damaged" as you say. Even the most well adjusted people I know who were raised in loving and peaceful homes have things that are messed up about them.

Well, even though we're all damaged, as you say, many of us wouldn't stay with cheating spouses. Stop trying to make it seem like people who wouldn't tolerate that are the crazy ones...

[Anonymous]

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Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

DP. I think the PP had some sense, and your critique makes you sound like you can’t see more than one side to any issue.

The OP did the right thing, and is probably also a shameful vindictive person no matter what kind of happy spin she’s using to justify her morality.

No I think PP has some mental illness where she just can't fathom how the real world works.

OP did the right thing. Period. The rest is just your delusion.

You think it was the right thing. Not everyone agrees. The other spouse might have been one of those people. OP had no way of knowing which kind of person the other spouse is. OP did for herself without caring about the other person.

That’s the point. OP didn’t even care. She didn’t do it to save someone from a burning house. She did for herself. Even if it hurt an innocent party.

You can craft whatever kind of story you need to in your head, but OP said he was glad to know. So who cares what her motivation was - he is glad to know. Period. End of story. Don't choke on the sand while you're down there.

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

Do you have trouble with reading comprehension? Nothing I said was wrong. OP said he was glad to know. Fact. I never said she knew he'd be glad to know, I said that he was.

It doesn't matter what OP knew when she told him. Again, enjoy your ignorance.

[Anonymous]

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Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

DP. I think the PP had some sense, and your critique makes you sound like you can’t see more than one side to any issue.

The OP did the right thing, and is probably also a shameful vindictive person no matter what kind of happy spin she’s using to justify her morality.

No I think PP has some mental illness where she just can't fathom how the real world works.

OP did the right thing. Period. The rest is just your delusion.

You think it was the right thing. Not everyone agrees. The other spouse might have been one of those people. OP had no way of knowing which kind of person the other spouse is. OP did for herself without caring about the other person.

That’s the point. OP didn’t even care. She didn’t do it to save someone from a burning house. She did for herself. Even if it hurt an innocent party.

No that is not the point. The point is that you are making up fake scenarios in your head and arguing them like it's not some delusional fiction you created.

That is the thing about being delusional, you can't see it.

What fake scenario? That OP told the other spouse with no regard for them? That is exactly what happened.

Keep up, these aren't long posts to which you're responding.

PP said "The other spouse might have been one of those people" when in fact they were NOT one of those people.

Did OP know that when they told them?

No. She never said she did. No one else ever said she did. But it's not relevant. You're the one having to make up facts here.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

DING DING DING

They have no options so they’d rather live in a delulu “good marriage” than know the truth.

Yes, everyone knows Hillary Clinton and Beyonce are "too weak" and "delulu".

Don't try to use their f'd up marriages as examples of a standard marriages most of us want. With fame and politics involved, people make different choices. It's sick that you try to normalize this.

Yes these are women who are damaged in some way regardless of wealth, and fame.

I'ts not like PP could use regular people as an example, but I guarantee you that you know and love someone who has been the victim of infidelity and stayed and didn't tell you.

I also guarantee you that no one, NO ONE, isn't "damaged" as you say. Even the most well adjusted people I know who were raised in loving and peaceful homes have things that are messed up about them.

Well, even though we're all damaged, as you say, many of us wouldn't stay with cheating spouses. Stop trying to make it seem like people who wouldn't tolerate that are the crazy ones...

Many of you are staying with so much worse. An affair is a betrayal, but so are many other things. It’s the cultural attitude in the U.S. to make the affair the gravest of possible transgressions and make sure life falls apart after.