MIL coming through town, husband out of town

[Anonymous]

Is this fair? I'm feeling really annoyed.

My MIL does the migration from the FL to VT every year in April and then back down in Oct.

This is the second year in a row that her dates are exactly when husband is away for an extended work committment.

THEY BOTH KNEW THEIR DATES MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!

She is retired and there is no reason that she has to go on these dates but made transortation reservations way in advance for a super cheap rate (she is really frugal but money is not tight for her) so she wouldn't change her plans.

She is ok, but won't venture anywhere on her own. Won't cook a meal for us but will sometimes pick up the tab if we go out. All planning has to be done by me. Oh, I also have 4 school aged kids and I work part time and this time of year is my very busy time at work.

Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

While it is annoying, it isn't a big deal. She is your MIL, not a distant cousin.

[Anonymous]

I would HATE that. I don't even like to be left alone with MIL in the same room for an extended time period.

Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

What I hear you saying is, "DH is out of town and MIL is coming in, credit card in hand."

Start picking restaurants, OP. My guess? After two meals out, she'll decide she really wants to get back to VT.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it's normal, but it does seem to be a pattern in your life. So you can get a little annoyed but there's not really anything you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

I think this is ok. I mean, won't she have more incentive to be reasonable with you without DH there? I like spending time with my MIL, despite her general learned helplessness. She is a good (although insanely butter-happy) cook though.

[Anonymous]

Wait, is she staying with you guys in your home?
Is DH gone for April-October?? You said that's when she's back.

[Anonymous]

"Won't cook a meal for us but will sometimes pick up the tab if we go out."

Sexist.

[Anonymous]

How long is she staying?

[Anonymous]

She is family. I hope my sweet daughters in law don't feel this way when I come visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Is this fair? I'm feeling really annoyed.

My MIL does the migration from the FL to VT every year in April and then back down in Oct.

This is the second year in a row that her dates are exactly when husband is away for an extended work committment.

THEY BOTH KNEW THEIR DATES MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!

She is retired and there is no reason that she has to go on these dates but made transortation reservations way in advance for a super cheap rate (she is really frugal but money is not tight for her) so she wouldn't change her plans.

She is ok, but won't venture anywhere on her own. Won't cook a meal for us but will sometimes pick up the tab if we go out. All planning has to be done by me. Oh, I also have 4 school aged kids and I work part time and this time of year is my very busy time at work.

Is this normal?

I don't know, but your reaction to it certainly is not. You're behaving as if they colluded to inconvenience you, and that outlook is really fucked up.

[Anonymous]

My MIL just left after a month visit, A MONTH. You are lucky. Order a pizza and have her babysit and go out with your friends or see a movie alone. Think it as special time for her to spend with her grandchildren. My mother didn't really like my day's mother but she never interfered with our relationship with her and willingly went to visit her in another state all the time. Would you have liked your parents to have interfered with seeing your grandparents, that is what you are doing.

Be happy your MIL wants to see you, I know several people who are estranged from their parents or just don't ever see them. you are an adult, stop being a baby and having a negative attitude.

[Anonymous]

Mention to her that it would be great if she and DH coordinated in the future so he could be there. And then tell her what she can do in your house to be helpful (empty dishwasher, take kids on a walk, switch laundry over, etc). She shouldn't expect to be catered to. Take her up on paying for dinner out or just reheat a frozen lasagna or something.
I agree with the PP that it's great for her to have a relationship with your kids.

[Anonymous]

How about having a little charity towards an IL? The brats on here are ridiculous. Suck it up and take care of your MIL. I was just at a meeting where a West African explained why people think Americans are so shallow- we don't take care of our elderly. I shot back at her that was garbage. I take care of my two elderly (obnoxious, dementia-laden) parents and ILs with a smile. It might be a smirk at times, but it's there nonetheless. The IL raised your son. She's why you have a husband and children. Time to woman up, OP. Show the world that Americans are dignified people with respect for our elders.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a charming DIL- not! Sorry for you IL and your kids. This era of me-ness over family loyalty will hopefully end soon. It's crippling the growth and sustainability of our nation.