Should I Call CPS on Husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she divorces him, and they split custody, then 50% of the time she has ZERO control over how he treats the kids.

At least living together she can provide some protection

This is exactly why women stay with abusive men.

Yes, it is. I haven't been in this situation, but I know several who have. They stay, because they are terrified of what happens to the kids during a shared custody arrangement.

So the choice is between being terrified all the time(OP stays) or being terrified half of the time(divorced parents with 50/50 custody).

I'd pick being terrified half of the time.

[Anonymous]

CPS is a very serious deal. First try talking to your husband. Tell him what he is doing is NOT acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she divorces him, and they split custody, then 50% of the time she has ZERO control over how he treats the kids.

At least living together she can provide some protection

This is exactly why women stay with abusive men.

Yes, it is. I haven't been in this situation, but I know several who have. They stay, because they are terrified of what happens to the kids during a shared custody arrangement.

So the choice is between being terrified all the time(OP stays) or being terrified half of the time(divorced parents with 50/50 custody).

I'd pick being terrified half of the time.

Same here. I would divorce and THEN start calling CPS on other spouse if needed.

[Anonymous]

I used to work for CPS.

1. What you are describing meets the criteria for physical abuse in DC. Have you taken pictures of your children when he leaves marks? Document it, every time. Email them to yourself at an email account he doesn’t know about.

2. CPS will be evaluating protective factors for your kids. They will be trying to determine if you are a protective factor for them. Do you prevent your husband from hurting them? If not, why not? If so, how do you protect them?

3. Is he violent toward you also? If so, please make a plan for how to leave safely if he becomes upset, particularly if you do call CPS. I worked with zero allegedly maltreaters who were happy to be investigated and allowed the investigation to occur smoothly.

A mandated reporter would be required to report what you describe. If your kids describe that to a teacher, it would be reported. If you described it to their doctor, it would be reported. I hear everyone about inviting CPS into your life being a hassle, but if the abuse continues and you don’t report it and someone else does, it will be difficult to justify considering you as a protective factor. If CPS came to your house tonight and saw any bruises or marks on your kids, the decision would be that either your kids or your husband have to leave the home for safety. Of course it doesn’t work that way all the time but that would be what was supposed to happen given the situation.

[Anonymous]

I would probably first call the police when he is about to do it or has begun hurting your children. I think being told by the police that this is not allowed will have more of an immediate effect and let him know that you will not tolerate the abuse of your children.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any advice. Just want to say, I'm sorry you're in this situation and I hope it gets resolved in a safe and healthy manner.

[Anonymous]

I would immediately kick my DH out of the house if he did this to our kids. I would be documenting every interaction. You must stand up for your kids. And if you don't document and start to report, he will get custody right and your kids will be sent to him and you won't know what is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably first call the police when he is about to do it or has begun hurting your children. I think being told by the police that this is not allowed will have more of an immediate effect and let him know that you will not tolerate the abuse of your children.

He will be arrested and charged with assault or battery I am afraid. This is even worse than CPS.

[Anonymous]

Document document document. Film him doing this. Multiple times. Record his verbal abuse.

Talk to a lawyer about how to document this enough for him to get supervised visits. You’re going to need to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she divorces him, and they split custody, then 50% of the time she has ZERO control over how he treats the kids.

At least living together she can provide some protection

This, x 1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on state. Not abusive in Maryland. A parent can discipline as they want in Maryland. Even put a loaded gun to a child’s head in Maryland. I was told to my face by 2 cps workers and a judge in a court room it’s not abuse.

My experience working in Baltimore strongly suggests that this is NOT true. A parent putting a loaded gun to a child’s head would most likely end up in jail.

I say this as someone who was a mandated reporter.

From my limited experience, the definitions of abuse are stricter in the larger minority population centers like Baltimore and PG County and are looser in the more white dominant areas like Montgomery, AA and other less diverse counties. e.g. I've seen more leniency granted to abusive white parents than to abusive minority parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Calling CPS invites the government into your family, permanently. You will lose control over what happens. Absent immediate physical danger to the kids, I would try every measure short of that first, including counseling, intervention with the help of parents or friends, etc.

What? NO.

Children are being abused. If their mother is too weak to protect them she should not be their caregiver. Ridiculous. Anyone who puts their hands on my kids will never do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she divorces him, and they split custody, then 50% of the time she has ZERO control over how he treats the kids.

At least living together she can provide some protection

This, x 1,000

Sure let's have abused kids stay with the abuser 50% of the time. OMG dumb....

[Anonymous]

Has he always physically disciplined the kids, or is this new/much increased since COVID?

I think I would start by having a serious scheduled conversation with DH that this is child abuse according to the law and it's unacceptable to you. Best case, you can get him to agree to take a class with you or see a therapist.

Depending on how that conversation goes, I would talk to your ped with the knowledge that the ped is a manadated reporter and may reach out to CPS. If you do end up divorced, it is probably better for you if the reporting comes from someone other than you. Once you are divorcing or divorced, your word carries less weight with CSP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she divorces him, and they split custody, then 50% of the time she has ZERO control over how he treats the kids.

At least living together she can provide some protection

I’d set up a camera to document the abuse and then file for divorce. Once a judge sees the video, he’s going to lose custody. As he should. OP, your job as a mom is to protect your children, run far away from this asshole before he snaps and really hurts your kids.