Having trouble dealing with parents of kids who have rejected my DS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, zero sympathy for you. You got problems, and they're not your kid.

If the roles were reversed no way would you demand your kid be friends with another kid they no longer have an interest in. That's life. Deal with it and get therapy for your hostility issues.

Not OP, and this wasn't explicitly stated in OP's post, but there's a difference between "demanding your kid be friends" and teaching your kid to be polite even if they no longer want to be good friends anymore. That's a lesson that will come in handy as an adult, as well. Never burn a bridge.

NP, but there’s no indication in OPs post that these kids are not being polite..they are simply not including her kid in group plans. It’s not unrealistic to expect that eventually the “invite the whole class” mentality evolves, and kids develop their own groups. There is naturally a lot of fluidity in late elementary to early high school friendships, not least of all for the fact that early on, the kids are picking their friends vs. The parents choices for play dates.

OPs projection about “rejection” also needs to be checked. Not being included is not the same as being rejected /actively shunned. These are kids that maybe have formed stronger relationships with one another, and this is separate from her son. Unfortunately, the groups get smaller and aren’t as inclusive, but it doesn’t necessarily equate to rejection. It could be something as simple as three of these kids who play a sport together aside from school being more friendly with one another.

I’d also wonder what OP is doing to cultivate these friendships. Is she so busy being bitter that she ignores these parents, and doesn’t arrange her own activities to invite these kids to? Is she being cold and shutting out these mothers and kids (which I assume based on her post)?

I had a friend who kind of went through this. She was so livid that her DD was getting excluded in school and actually contacted the school about her being isolated. Turns out her DD was stuck on being friends only with certain people and was basically rejecting (quite negatively/ rudely) any interaction with other girls who WERE trying to be her friend. What her DD didn’t realize is one of the “popular” kids she was trying to get in with was actually close with one of the “unpopular” kids outside school due to a shared activity... it was her double edged sword when the “unpopular” girl was sharing with the “popular” one how badly she was being treated by friends DD.

[Anonymous]

i hear you OP. my oldest is in second grade so we are not there yet but i can imagine this as something happening to her, too.

many posters are playing it dumb, no way parents care about stuff like that, "when i was young my parents...". but, when we were young we also played outside all day long, rode without car seats yada yada yada. our parents might have been aware of this but most of the parents today, of the kind that visits DCUM, are. and yes, some lord it over. many people are competitive and this is one to have an edge over others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i hear you OP. my oldest is in second grade so we are not there yet but i can imagine this as something happening to her, too.

many posters are playing it dumb, no way parents care about stuff like that, "when i was young my parents...". but, when we were young we also played outside all day long, rode without car seats yada yada yada. our parents might have been aware of this but most of the parents today, of the kind that visits DCUM, are. and yes, some lord it over. many people are competitive and this is one to have an edge over others.

Truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i hear you OP. my oldest is in second grade so we are not there yet but i can imagine this as something happening to her, too.

many posters are playing it dumb, no way parents care about stuff like that, "when i was young my parents...". but, when we were young we also played outside all day long, rode without car seats yada yada yada. our parents might have been aware of this but most of the parents today, of the kind that visits DCUM, are. and yes, some lord it over. many people are competitive and this is one to have an edge over others.

Well, you’re visiting DCUM—so are you hyper aware of your kid’s social relations and do you lord over other parents about your kid’s popularity? Or do you just stick to lording over people with regards to situations that you imagine might happen in 4 years and how wonderfully you will handle them, despite the fact that you have no idea what you are talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i hear you OP. my oldest is in second grade so we are not there yet but i can imagine this as something happening to her, too.

many posters are playing it dumb, no way parents care about stuff like that, "when i was young my parents...". but, when we were young we also played outside all day long, rode without car seats yada yada yada. our parents might have been aware of this but most of the parents today, of the kind that visits DCUM, are. and yes, some lord it over. many people are competitive and this is one to have an edge over others.

Well, you’re visiting DCUM—so are you hyper aware of your kid’s social relations and do you lord over other parents about your kid’s popularity? Or do you just stick to lording over people with regards to situations that you imagine might happen in 4 years and how wonderfully you will handle them, despite the fact that you have no idea what you are talking about?

yes, i am aware of my kids' social relations - i am a bit of a helicopter parent myself. all i said was that to say - like many did - that parents of the popular kid are clueless about it and don't know who their friends are and don't care that their children are popular is bullshit. i never said that i will handle whatever situation my kids face with grace (i have no clue how i will handle it or what kind of challenges are in front of me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i hear you OP. my oldest is in second grade so we are not there yet but i can imagine this as something happening to her, too.

many posters are playing it dumb, no way parents care about stuff like that, "when i was young my parents...". but, when we were young we also played outside all day long, rode without car seats yada yada yada. our parents might have been aware of this but most of the parents today, of the kind that visits DCUM, are. and yes, some lord it over. many people are competitive and this is one to have an edge over others.

I agree.