MIL withholding FIL life insurance and will

[Anonymous]

I actually understand OP's concern. When my grandfather died, he left my grandmother well provided for, with the money invested in a way that would provide a steady stream of income, etc. My grandmother, who had never paid a bill in her life, proceeded to unwind my grandfather's plans and make some not-so-good decisions. It was her right, but it can be a rocky time when someone who has never had to handle financial planning is suddenly left with all of the responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has said she’s worried she won’t have enough to live on and yet my FIL said for years she would be well taken care of.

So if she brings up money concerns, your DH can say he's happy to sit down with her and help her make a plan to make sure the money lasts. If she's not comfortable talking with him, maybe she'd be willing to do so with a financial advisor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you and DH approaching his mother anything close to terming his mother as ‘withholding’ I can see why she’s not sharing any information with you. How does your own will read? Most likely you/your DH have wills that give entirety of your estates to whichever of you isn’t dead. Whether your DH is an only child or one of a dozen-he’s probably not a beneficiary of his fathers will. His mother may also be the executor.

if she’s not sharing and saying it’s impolite it may be that you two are coming off as greedy and entitled

+1

OP, why on earth do you think it is any of your business?

When my dad passed away, it never occurred to me to get involved with his estate. He left everything to my mom. Full stop.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually understand OP's concern. When my grandfather died, he left my grandmother well provided for, with the money invested in a way that would provide a steady stream of income, etc. My grandmother, who had never paid a bill in her life, proceeded to unwind my grandfather's plans and make some not-so-good decisions. It was her right, but it can be a rocky time when someone who has never had to handle financial planning is suddenly left with all of the responsibility.

I also thought the OP’s concerns sounded similar to this. If the mom has never been involved in financial decisions, I would make sure that she sees a financial planner. If she will let DH go to the meeting, all the better. The FIL should have involved his wife sooner in her own financial affairs, but now she will need support from others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you and DH approaching his mother anything close to terming his mother as ‘withholding’ I can see why she’s not sharing any information with you. How does your own will read? Most likely you/your DH have wills that give entirety of your estates to whichever of you isn’t dead. Whether your DH is an only child or one of a dozen-he’s probably not a beneficiary of his fathers will. His mother may also be the executor.

if she’s not sharing and saying it’s impolite it may be that you two are coming off as greedy and entitled

+1

OP, why on earth do you think it is any of your business?

When my dad passed away, it never occurred to me to get involved with his estate. He left everything to my mom. Full stop.

+1

Because you love your mom and want to make sure she makes sound financial decisions that allow her to live comfortably for the rest of her life and not squander it all in two years and wind up in Medicaid-level care for the remaining years of her life (or drain your own savings to support her after she flushes the money).

That said, you make the offer to help (whether in person or by hiring a financial planner), make it clear the door is always wide open, and then sit back and cross your fingers.

[Anonymous]

OP here, we didn't start to get concerned until she said she wasn't sure if she could pay her mortgage. And then she said couldn't understand all the insurance paperwork.

Then she said there was a policy on my husband that would now be his responsibility to pay but didn't know the company name or payment due date.

This isn't about the money we might see. We don't plan on seeing any money. We are not prepared to financially support her out of the blue.