Is it terribly depressing to be a low or middle class teen during the summer?

[Anonymous]

Parenting pro-tip: if you are concerned that social media is interfering with your teenagers lives this summer, limit or take away their electronics. It’s summer FFS. They should have something better to do than spend hours glued to a screen. And if they don’t, send them to my house where they can fold laundry or empty the dishwasher with whichever of my kids I caught whining about being bored because no iPhone.

Kids without electronics are really miserable for a couple days while they detox. But after that they are nicer, happier people. It’s good for them to really disconnect some during the summer.

And while you are at it, walk the walk. Weekends, evenings, vacations, etc, put your electronics somewhere else and pick up a book or do something with your kids.

And yes— I have actual teens (14 & 16). Their world really doesn’t end if their electronics usage is limited to checking email on the family desktop and the flip phone they take with them when they leave the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you believe that people care more than they actually do. Kids are busy having their own fun not moping around about your summer or whatever $$$$ trip you are taking.

This. I grew up UMC (by DCUM standards...in reality, we were rich -- mom stayed home, dad a biglaw partner, house in a W-school cluster), but my parents didn't like international travel, so our vacations were always road trips to ballparks/amusement parts within a few surrounding states. It wasn't until I was much older, like into my 20s, that it occurred to me that people might find our vacations "low class" and "trashy." It never even occurred to me that our vacation was less interesting or exciting than the international jaunts my friends were taking.

I think the difference is you weren't tortured by snapchat & instagram like my teen. She has FOMO all the time and social media makes it worse. She can't disengage from it because that's how all her friends communicate.

Exactly. I had no idea what my classmates were up to during the summer, but my kids know just how many fabulous trips their friends and classmates are on.

My teen DS just rolls his eyes at it, but my tween DD is affected. She doesn't understand why we aren't constantly on vacation or running around seemingly every night going to festivals, carnivals, fireworks, etc.

It's the same at winter break. Besides the trips skiing or to the islands, my kids are seeing photos of mounds and mounds of Christmas gifts surrounding a tree and then photos of the fabulous gifts these kids are getting. Our Christmas is much more modest and I've told my kids that I don't want to see them posting anything that shows off gifts.

I was a lower middle class student at a private school in the 80s pre-social media. My friends and I were well aware of all the expensive presents bought during Christmas and bragged about in school, and all the trips over the summer, also talked about in school the next year. The difference is the kids now can see it in real time. It would have been a whole lot easier in public school with more kids at my income level.

I would think now, if you don't go to school with kids so much richer, it would not be as depressing. But if you do, you know exactly how much you may be missing out on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you believe that people care more than they actually do. Kids are busy having their own fun not moping around about your summer or whatever $$$$ trip you are taking.

I think teens become numb to it over time. But to pretend they're not at all phased by it is wrong.

It's important to keep them busy in the summer. A job, pool membership, daytrips, camps. You don't have to spend a lot of money to have fun in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parenting pro-tip: if you are concerned that social media is interfering with your teenagers lives this summer, limit or take away their electronics. It’s summer FFS. They should have something better to do than spend hours glued to a screen. And if they don’t, send them to my house where they can fold laundry or empty the dishwasher with whichever of my kids I caught whining about being bored because no iPhone.

Kids without electronics are really miserable for a couple days while they detox. But after that they are nicer, happier people. It’s good for them to really disconnect some during the summer.

And while you are at it, walk the walk. Weekends, evenings, vacations, etc, put your electronics somewhere else and pick up a book or do something with your kids.

And yes— I have actual teens (14 & 16). Their world really doesn’t end if their electronics usage is limited to checking email on the family desktop and the flip phone they take with them when they leave the house.

You live and think unrealistically. I have 15 year old twins. They have summer jobs and are out of the house all day. I need them to have electronics so they can stay connected and I can reach them. Flip phones are stupid. They need iPads or laptops to get summer work assignments done. You sound disconnected from the real world.

[Anonymous]

We take the kids on fabulous vacations because we like to travel. But tell your kids that my kids rarely get branded clothing, don’t have fancy cars, don’t have a fancy house etc. We choose to spend money on travel and I will bet that many families are in our situation. Depends on each family’s priorities. Remind your kids that social media is a continual self promotion loop and not to give it too much credence. Relax OP. Kids might get momentarily jealous but most kids end up happy in their own skin and don’t really want to trade their family for another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry about this as a middle class family in Arlington and it’s one of the reasons we didn’t look at houses in Bethesda or McLean. I want my kids to be in the middle and insulated somewhat from extreme wealth. My husband grew up in a commuting suburb of NYC and kids at his school had parents who were Goldman partners and F500 C-levels. His dad was a senior exec, but not at a hedge fund or large bank. He says he totally knew how much money other kids had but it never bothered him. Hopefully my kids feel the same growing up in a place where they are solidly in the middle.

Seriously? All of the neighborhoods around us in N Arlington have a median SFH price of over a million. Our neighborhood's median average is $1.3 and all of the new builds are selling for over $2 million. Where of you live in Arlington? Yorktown and feeders into WL have extremely wealthy kids. Many of my friends kids attend Sidwell, St. Albans Georgetown Day, Potomac School, etc.

We are in N. Arlington and have a HHI ,but are trying to shield our kids so that don't grow up entitled and spoiled. Nobody in our neighborhood mows their own tiny lots or does any household chores. They source out everything. We have our teen boys doing those type of chores. Even though we can afford all of the things their friends have, we don't buy them the $300 sneakers or the iPhone X, etc. I think that's BS to give a tween/teen with them not having to work for it. And, getting good grades is a given, not something we pay them for.

You have a household income?

[Anonymous]

^ you missed an “h”. Yes, “high”. $750k/year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We take the kids on fabulous vacations because we like to travel. But tell your kids that my kids rarely get branded clothing, don’t have fancy cars, don’t have a fancy house etc. We choose to spend money on travel and I will bet that many families are in our situation. Depends on each family’s priorities. Remind your kids that social media is a continual self promotion loop and not to give it too much credence. Relax OP. Kids might get momentarily jealous but most kids end up happy in their own skin and don’t really want to trade their family for another.

By HS, most teen boys would rather cut an eye out than take long vacations with the family without their friends. Traipsing then around Europe is akin to torture. Isolated locale with nobody their age and just family—kill them now.

[Anonymous]

Oh yes, the teen suicide rate here in Silver Spring is well...are you for real?

[Anonymous]

I think most teenagers, of all socio economic levels, just play video games all summer. Or want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting pro-tip: if you are concerned that social media is interfering with your teenagers lives this summer, limit or take away their electronics. It’s summer FFS. They should have something better to do than spend hours glued to a screen. And if they don’t, send them to my house where they can fold laundry or empty the dishwasher with whichever of my kids I caught whining about being bored because no iPhone.

Kids without electronics are really miserable for a couple days while they detox. But after that they are nicer, happier people. It’s good for them to really disconnect some during the summer.

And while you are at it, walk the walk. Weekends, evenings, vacations, etc, put your electronics somewhere else and pick up a book or do something with your kids.

And yes— I have actual teens (14 & 16). Their world really doesn’t end if their electronics usage is limited to checking email on the family desktop and the flip phone they take with them when they leave the house.

You live and think unrealistically. I have 15 year old twins. They have summer jobs and are out of the house all day. I need them to have electronics so they can stay connected and I can reach them. Flip phones are stupid. They need iPads or laptops to get summer work assignments done. You sound disconnected from the real world.

Of course it’s realistic. Are you sure you aren’t 15? Flip phones may be “stupid,” but they work just fine to call and let me know they need to be picked up or for me to call and leave a message. If there is an actual reason to text, they can check out their iPhone from me. Laptops can be checked out for summer homework— but most summer homework is reading books and doing math packets and does not need a laptop. If there is an actual need for electronics, they can ask for whatever electronics they need, and I will let them use them. Otherwise, there is nothing unrealistic about disconnecting them for the summer. They aren’t even out of step socially. They both have friends at various camps and programs that do not allow electronics for weeks at a time. .

Yes, it might be harder on you to have to call instead of text, and put up with the pushback from teens in electronics detox. You might not like the idea that you would have to put down the iPhone too and be a role model. But it’s sad if you can’t imagine a family vacation where all electronic stay home, expect the iPhone which stay in your purse, on vibrate, unless you need it (not want it). But it is completely realistic.

[Anonymous]

I think OP makes a good point

Social media makes a lot of kids depressed

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the-smartphone-destroyed-a-generation/534198/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We used to take vacations to the islands and Martha's Vineyard when my kids were younger. We have a second home in South Florida. We are selling it after 10 years because we don't go down as much and kids say it is boring. Go figure. They are teenagers now and like most of their friends are working and taking a summer class. One camp each in their sport. And, going camping or to the beach with friends. Nothing exotic. And, we have a pool too that they rarely use now. This is what they enjoy. I am glad to have time to relax and do nothing.

I have two teenagers. You have described our life to a tee, except we have a neighborhood pool, not one in our backyard. I learned to not waste money on a pool when I had one as a single adult because the season is too short here and it is a pain to maintain. We are very much stuck here because of sports, although we always try to squeeze in a big trip somewhere domestically. When they are not doing sports, they are online talking to their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We take the kids on fabulous vacations because we like to travel. But tell your kids that my kids rarely get branded clothing, don’t have fancy cars, don’t have a fancy house etc. We choose to spend money on travel and I will bet that many families are in our situation. Depends on each family’s priorities. Remind your kids that social media is a continual self promotion loop and not to give it too much credence. Relax OP. Kids might get momentarily jealous but most kids end up happy in their own skin and don’t really want to trade their family for another.

By HS, most teen boys would rather cut an eye out than take long vacations with the family without their friends. Traipsing then around Europe is akin to torture. Isolated locale with nobody their age and just family—kill them now.

We’ll readjust as necessary - right now both kids (young teens) like to travel and appear to look forward to our trips. But you are right that every day is a new day and these dynamics may change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most teenagers, of all socio economic levels, just play video games all summer. Or want to.

This. My UMC teen is downstairs right now playing Fortnite. I can bet my last paycheck that my teen students (I am a teacher in a Title One school) are doing the exact same thing. The difference? My students will do that and pretty much only that all summer. My son just got back from a month at summer camp and will go to the beach in August. We will also do some day trips to NYC, etc. I will make sure he does his summer reading, essay writing and math because those will be his first grades in Sept. My students don't have any summer work because they don't do it. I bet my son wouldn't do it either if I didn't make him. I have more disposable income and I choose to spend it on camp, summer trips, etc. My students always have the newest phones while my son doesn't have a phone at all. All of my students' friends basically play video games all summer so I don't think they are sad about their summer. Maybe a few of them might go back to visit family in their home country but they aren't living it up in Honduras. If all of your friends are basically doing what you are doing, I doubt there is much envy happening.