i want to become a SAHM, but we can't afford it

[Anonymous]

Could you do daycare by your office so you see her right away? She'd have a lot of time in the car, but as she gets older it would be special time with Mommy to chat.

[Anonymous]

Op you seem full of excuses and unwilling to make any changes. So you're just going to accept this horrible existence many women live. You refuse to find another job, can't go parttime, won't consider moving etc.

If I were you I'd find a new job near your husband's work OR a fed job that allows for telework even if it's a major salary cut. My understanding is you need health insurance, right?

[Anonymous]

My dh makes what your dh does and sah for a few years and now I'm working part time now that the kids are in school. It's a trade off for sure, but I'm glad I did it the way I did. Now that they're older and in sports I'm home in time to get real food cooked and help with homework and get them to sports practices so bedtimes aren't very late. My earning potential is shot, but I have a small income and am glad I can be there for the kids.

When they were young it was really hard to sah than I thought, I regretted it more Back then than I do now!

It's a hard decision.

[Anonymous]

Join the club? I think a lot of people wouldnt work work if they could afford not to.

[Anonymous]

If you absolutely won't change jobs, maybe your husband can. Let's hear your excuses for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you absolutely won't change jobs, maybe your husband can. Let's hear your excuses for him.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you absolutely won't change jobs, maybe your husband can. Let's hear your excuses for him.

+1

He can easily change jobs, and is planning on applying for new jobs in the next few months.

Oh, you thought I was going to give excuses.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you stay at home on $160K? You live in a condo so your mortgage can't be that expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you stay at home on $160K? You live in a condo so your mortgage can't be that expensive.

We need guaranteed insurance because my husband has MS and his medication is very expensive. Maintaining my job with the feds (and particularly my job in the intel community, with its essentially guaranteed job security, rather than a job at another federal agency) is therefore critical. I know people have said I'm making excuses, but that's why I can't go part-time or work from home. My job doesn't allow a work from home option and it is intensely frowned upon to go part-time.

[Anonymous]

I started staying home when our HHI was less than 80K.

[Anonymous]

Based on your posts, it's clear that the answer isn't you cutting down hours/changing jobs. Your husband seems to have flexibility and you should try to maximize that, including trying your hardest to move closer to your job.

In the meantime, try to focus on the hours you do have with your child- including weekends! Not sure what your leave situation is, but you could also try to leave early once a week to squeeze in a few extra hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is really just a vent because i know there are no solutions. i used to love my job, but a combination of asinine office politics and doing the same damn thing for 10 years with no end in sight means i just am so unmotivated. i turned a project into my supervisor today, knew it wasn't great, was told to fix it (in a nice way -- my supervisor is a nice guy), and didn't even care. i'll fix it, but i didn't care about getting mediocre feedback on it. a year ago, i would've been pretty upset. i just don't care anymore.

i live for the moment when i pick up my 1 year old from daycare. i hate that i can only spend 2 hours with her in the evening (less if, like today, she didn't nap well at daycare and so is taking a late nap). i hate that i'm tired from a 60 min commute each way through beltway traffic.

i wish i could become a SAHM, but we just can't afford it. i also don't want to put that much pressure on my husband, who has a chronic illness that is exacerbated from stress. his illness also means we can't afford to not have guaranteed insurance (i work for the feds in a job i essentially can't be fired from, while he's in the private sector).

anyway, i just wanted to vent a little.

thank feminism for your future.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you really want to SAH, or is it just that you're burnt out/bored with work? If you had a job you found interesting and rewarding, would you still want to SAH?

Also, would it be possible for your husband to go PT? I also didn't see my kid a ton that first year or two, but the way I saw it, as long as either husband or I (or our wonderful nanny the first year) was taking care of our baby, I was fine with that--husband has a flexible schedule, and so he was home with her sometimes too. It didn't have to be me, so long as it was one of us. Maybe it could be your husband, since he has a chronic illness and you're working partly for the health insurance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you stay at home on $160K? You live in a condo so your mortgage can't be that expensive.

We need guaranteed insurance because my husband has MS and his medication is very expensive. Maintaining my job with the feds (and particularly my job in the intel community, with its essentially guaranteed job security, rather than a job at another federal agency) is therefore critical. I know people have said I'm making excuses, but that's why I can't go part-time or work from home. My job doesn't allow a work from home option and it is intensely frowned upon to go part-time.

Go part time. Let them frown. You are already mommy-tracking, and guess what? It's because you are a mom. We should really reclaim that term. They are your coworkers, not your family. Your heart is with your kiddo. Your insurance will get more expensive, though (subsidy is prorated for hours worked) but you should absolutely be making that work with your dh's salary (we are doing it on much less.) Sell the condo and rent in a closer location to work. Life is short, don't regret this priceless time with your kid. I did (went part time) it and it's one of the best decisions I've made. the rat race is more of a choice than you think.

[Anonymous]

That sucks OP. I agree with others, drop to part time and make an aggressive budget.
Look for jobs in the Columbia/Laurel/Ft. Meade area... tons that require clearances, and the traffic in that direction is nothing compared to commitimg to NoVa. Good luck!