Friend accused me of emailing her ex-husband

[Anonymous]

I'm curious. I thought we're supposed to be understanding towards people with mental illness and not stigmatize them. Why does everyone say just run away for only that reason?

What if OP tells her again, nicely that she did not do it, and expresses a little concern for her friend? Be honest about the fact that such accusations will make it difficult to remain friends. But don't just turn tail and run without explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah, sorry, ex-husband.

Yeah, sounds like mental illness.

Sounds like gaslighting. Sorry op I don't think your friendship will recover. But I do think her ex sent this email.

[Anonymous]

Hmmmm..... I think I know who this is

[Anonymous]

Hmm, I am not so sure she's a loony. Her ex could be mentally abusing her - could very well be he's a sociopath and she's the victim. It's piece of cake to write an email and put any From email address you like, in this case OP's. There are many free sites on the Internet that will do this, or you can do this from Unix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious. I thought we're supposed to be understanding towards people with mental illness and not stigmatize them. Why does everyone say just run away for only that reason?

What if OP tells her again, nicely that she did not do it, and expresses a little concern for her friend? Be honest about the fact that such accusations will make it difficult to remain friends. But don't just turn tail and run without explanation.

...because after a certain point in life, NO, you don't take on someone like this. If this was a friend that OP has had for years, yes, perhaps try and get to the bottom of it. A new friend? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would email her and tell her that I did not contact her ex-husband in any way, shape or form. Then end the relationship, because clearly she has mental problems.

This. Its really odd.

Definitely this. Send a clear, firm, factual email, then stop contacting her and do not respond to her.

[Anonymous]

As a divorced woman, any of my friends are free to email or talk with my ex-husband as long as I don't have to. I don't care. Your friend is insane! I would reconsider your friendship with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm..... I think I know who this is

Give us more, please.

[Anonymous]

Either she has issues, her husband has issues, or they both do. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he had gotten into her email account.

I also find it strange that she is claiming to have told you, and only you -- a brand new friend -- close, personal details about her marriage or ex-husband. That makes me think that her husband got into her e-mail, saw she had e-mailed you, then made you the scapegoat so he didn't have to reveal what he had done. Since your friend is so convinced it was you, she's making up the bit about only having told you this information in order to pressure you to fess up.

[Anonymous]

I would send a clear, short email along the lines of:

Dear Susan,

As I said, I have had zero contact with your ex-husband. I have never emailed or spoken with him, nor do I have any intention of ever doing so.

I wish you all the best.

Jane

And then I'd quietly vanish/ghost/back away etc... Do not engage, sympathize, discuss, etc... Just consider this a gift in a nice early and unmistakeable red flag for this friendship.

Unless you love crazy. Then dive in...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably sent it to himself and said it was from you. I'd let her know via email everything you want to say to her and then let it go.

I was thinking this as well.

[Anonymous]

If you're mentally ill, and I am not related to you, married to you, or friends with you for at least 6 years, then that ends it...

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you decide?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious. I thought we're supposed to be understanding towards people with mental illness and not stigmatize them. Why does everyone say just run away for only that reason?

What if OP tells her again, nicely that she did not do it, and expresses a little concern for her friend? Be honest about the fact that such accusations will make it difficult to remain friends. But don't just turn tail and run without explanation.

Being understanding doesn't mean sticking around for the abuse. A gentle explanation isn't going to fix this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He hacked her email - that's why he has it and could show it to her.

This