How long did it take?

[Anonymous]

For crying out loud, what does an emotional affair through texting mean? Was it explicit language? Talking about how the Nationals are doing?

OP, the reality is that men in general are a lot less likely to forgive an affair because they know women usually stray out of emotional unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two years ago, I had an emotional affair with a co-worker. It mostly consisted of texting, no touching at all. My husband discovered it by going through my phone.
I immediately quit the job and cut off all contact. Forced my husband months later to please go to counseling with me.

To this day he brings it up almost daily. He is still angry and doesn't trust me. I don't go out anymore with friends, my phone has no password on it. I don't know what to do. How long do I keep letting him demean me and talk angry to me? We have only had sex three times in 2 years.

I want to stay married but I don't know how long I can let his behavior go like this. We don't talk at all nicely to eachother. Its just anger.

I think the question isn't how long did it take and more like how long can you take it. Looks like you had a little indiscretion and did all the right things to correct it and he can't get past it. If he isn't willing to get some counseling to work through this then maybe time to go. Other question to ask if this is how he is behaving is why were you having the emotional affair in the first place? Things with DH may not have been that great in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well... you cheated. He gets to bring it up from now on. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

I disagree. He has to let it go you let you go. It's not fair to keep punishing you for this.

[Anonymous]

omg. seriously? married female her who has never cheated but can't wrap my head around the fact that her spouse can't get past this? i thought men cared more about physical cheating. op said their marriage was on the rocks. how shocking is it that she may have emotionally strayed?

if he can't get past this they should separate. it sounds like the punishment is way harsher than the crime. it can't be healthy for anyone to be in this situation, including the kids.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband is cheating. Possibly before discovering your emotional affair, but definitely after. The withholding of sex and anger is probably about his actions and not yours.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I am deployed often and around guys like this. The reality is many marriages suffer after multiple deployments and people grow apart. An emotional affair is pretty mild. Also, OP is left to raise 3 kids alone. Deployments are often pretty fun for the deployed spouse. I'm just being honest. You work hard and have considerable "me" time that you normally wouldn't have at home. No need to pity us...it's much harder on the families left behind. My family is really the one making the sacrifice.

OP, if you guys don't move on and improve the marriage, another affair is just a matter of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two years ago, I had an emotional affair with a co-worker. It mostly consisted of texting, no touching at all. My husband discovered it by going through my phone.
I immediately quit the job and cut off all contact. Forced my husband months later to please go to counseling with me.

To this day he brings it up almost daily. He is still angry and doesn't trust me. I don't go out anymore with friends, my phone has no password on it. I don't know what to do. How long do I keep letting him demean me and talk angry to me? We have only had sex three times in 2 years.

I want to stay married but I don't know how long I can let his behavior go like this. We don't talk at all nicely to eachother. Its just anger.

Honestly, he isn't moving on at all, is he? I had an affair affair, and while we are not past it in any sense of the word, we don't talk about it every day. I think we both think about it every day, maybe. But it doesn't have to be a focal part of the day. But for us it has been 18 months or so.

Are you still angry at him? I have to say, counseling has helped a great deal with my anger toward my husband. (I know, I'm the one who had the affair, but my anger at him was off the charts for other reasons, it turns out). So, while things are difficult, we are able to be nice to each other. Even if you don't go to couples counseling together, I'd recommend you go by yourself.

No, you should not let him demean you and talk angry to you. It isn't good for you or your children (if you have them). If you don't have kids, please leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:omg. seriously? married female her who has never cheated but can't wrap my head around the fact that her spouse can't get past this? i thought men cared more about physical cheating. op said their marriage was on the rocks. how shocking is it that she may have emotionally strayed?

if he can't get past this they should separate. it sounds like the punishment is way harsher than the crime. it can't be healthy for anyone to be in this situation, including the kids.

I agree completely.

[Anonymous]

OP, he doesn't bring it up, because he doesn't trust you. He brings it up, because he wants to hurt you. Frankly, I don't see why you would want to stay married to someone who treats you like crap. No matter what you did, if he agreed to reconcile and stay married, he doesn't get to be an asshole about the past.

[Shineshelly]

Hi there, Sorry to hear about the marriage issues you are having. I am sure it is very difficult for any marriage that has endured an affair to recover to a place of full healing and restoration. I certainly believe this is possible with a lot of work and prayer.

Have you considered asking your DH why is he so angry despite counseling and your communicated intentions of making things right? It could be that he doesn't feel you are working to meet his most important needs. I would encourage you to ask him if you aren't sure. Reassurance might be something that goes a long way also. Setting boundaries about how you will interact with the opposite sex could help him feel that you are planning on practicing self-control in your relationships from now on.

I believe you can keep your marriage safe from emotional affairs. But it requires open, honest communication and a commitment to do whatever it takes to keep your marriage your No. 1 relationship.

Praying for you.