motivation for parent going directly to principal regarding issue with teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you for the responses. Seems like most feel it could be a trust issue or one that is bigger than the teacher.
In my case I had written a note about a supply the child needed at school. The parent took the note directly to my principal stating that it had a negative tone. I have since shared my original note with a few colleagues/friends none of whom found it to be negative. The parent never communicates with me beyond the minimum (first day, special meetings, etc.). Full disclosure: the DC is very young, has challenging needs, but adores me. While these situations are par for the course when teaching, it can be disheartening when you work so hard.

Well sounds like the child is sweet but the mom might be totally stressed out and a bit wacky. I'm sure this won't be the first time you encounter this.

Maybe she can't afford the supply? Or maybe she feels judged because she's late in providing it? And she's not mature enough to say sorry I'm late with it and instead she's a attacking you? Sounds like she's just a piece of work.
Try to soothe her even though she's a huge pain sounds like the best strategy to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you for the responses. Seems like most feel it could be a trust issue or one that is bigger than the teacher.
In my case I had written a note about a supply the child needed at school. The parent took the note directly to my principal stating that it had a negative tone. I have since shared my original note with a few colleagues/friends none of whom found it to be negative. The parent never communicates with me beyond the minimum (first day, special meetings, etc.). Full disclosure: the DC is very young, has challenging needs, but adores me. While these situations are par for the course when teaching, it can be disheartening when you work so hard.

It sounds to me like the mother has an issue about authority. She likes to think SHE is the authority and takes offense at being told to do something or supply something, and considers it your taking authority over her.

I know this because I have a tendency to feel the same way, but I'm mature enough now to have overcome that and just get on with what needs getting on with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

This is not a college class or an adult book club. Would you really talk to your 10 year old about orgasms lighting a woman's hair on fire while she is being penetrated in two orifices by two men? Do you include theeesomes in your discussion of sex with an ES aged kid? Do you really feel like your 10 year old has the emotional maturity to understand this? Would you tell a 4th grader this is okay, and expect them to understand cultural relativism? If so, them yes, we have very different parenting styles, and I will cop to being an uptight prude in comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

This is not a college class or an adult book club. Would you really talk to your 10 year old about orgasms lighting a woman's hair on fire while she is being penetrated in two orifices by two men? Do you include theeesomes in your discussion of sex with an ES aged kid? Do you really feel like your 10 year old has the emotional maturity to understand this? Would you tell a 4th grader this is okay, and expect them to understand cultural relativism? If so, them yes, we have very different parenting styles, and I will cop to being an uptight prude in comparison.

No, but you failed to leave out these details previously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

This is not a college class or an adult book club. Would you really talk to your 10 year old about orgasms lighting a woman's hair on fire while she is being penetrated in two orifices by two men? Do you include theeesomes in your discussion of sex with an ES aged kid? Do you really feel like your 10 year old has the emotional maturity to understand this? Would you tell a 4th grader this is okay, and expect them to understand cultural relativism? If so, them yes, we have very different parenting styles, and I will cop to being an uptight prude in comparison.

No, but you failed to leave out these details previously.

Maybe your mom should have talked to the principal about your teachers not teaching you reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

This is not a college class or an adult book club. Would you really talk to your 10 year old about orgasms lighting a woman's hair on fire while she is being penetrated in two orifices by two men? Do you include theeesomes in your discussion of sex with an ES aged kid? Do you really feel like your 10 year old has the emotional maturity to understand this? Would you tell a 4th grader this is okay, and expect them to understand cultural relativism? If so, them yes, we have very different parenting styles, and I will cop to being an uptight prude in comparison.

No, but you failed to leave out these details previously.

Maybe your mom should have talked to the principal about your teachers not teaching you reading comprehension.

And I think you meant failed to include Unless you're agreeing with pp.

[Anonymous]

There's a cadre of moms at our school who always go nuclear option first. I can only guess that they are insecure about their ability to communicate effectively with the teacher as an equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

This is not a college class or an adult book club. Would you really talk to your 10 year old about orgasms lighting a woman's hair on fire while she is being penetrated in two orifices by two men? Do you include theeesomes in your discussion of sex with an ES aged kid? Do you really feel like your 10 year old has the emotional maturity to understand this? Would you tell a 4th grader this is okay, and expect them to understand cultural relativism? If so, them yes, we have very different parenting styles, and I will cop to being an uptight prude in comparison.

I don't understand not speaking with the teacher first--and neither do principals, honestly. In fact, 9 times out of 10 the 1st question s/he will ask is "Did you speak to the teacher?" I can understand it if a child alleged some type of illegal act like sexual abuse, but even in a case like this one, I'd bring the book's inappropriate matter to the teacher who may have been unaware. If she doesn't get rid of it, then I'd go to the principal.

While the principal is the teacher's boss, he's also her colleague. Many, many times they have a great work relationship & he likes & trusts the teacher enough to keep her around. Going directly to the principal does not usually have the desired effect of getting someone in trouble the parent might like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you for the responses. Seems like most feel it could be a trust issue or one that is bigger than the teacher.
In my case I had written a note about a supply the child needed at school. The parent took the note directly to my principal stating that it had a negative tone. I have since shared my original note with a few colleagues/friends none of whom found it to be negative. The parent never communicates with me beyond the minimum (first day, special meetings, etc.). Full disclosure: the DC is very young, has challenging needs, but adores me. While these situations are par for the course when teaching, it can be disheartening when you work so hard.

If child has challenging needs, honestly, I'd be a little pissed as a parent that you as the teacher did not try to reach out to me and let me know. I reach out to my child's teachers all the time and they blow me off. Its frustrating as they do not understand his needs and grade him lower because of his delays rather than his knowledge because he cannot show him in the way they want. We spend hours supplementing. Maybe they are tired, low income or there is more going on. As a SN parent, I spend a lot in private services that the school and teachers know very little about (the therapist tried to reach out to the school and they dismissed her). There is far more to the story and as a parent, honestly I've given up (I gave up even more with the administrator, whose a joke). So, at this point, no matter what a teacher tells me I ignore it as we are basically homeschooling on top of school.

As a professional, I've found it best to keep short brief emails to anyone. The less in writing in situations like these is best, sadly. As a parent, its helpful to get it in writing but as a teacher, you need to protect yourself. You sound well intentioned and trying to help, but understand you may also be the first teacher who has cared or shown an interest and like me, they are burnt out on teachers who just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

This is not a college class or an adult book club. Would you really talk to your 10 year old about orgasms lighting a woman's hair on fire while she is being penetrated in two orifices by two men? Do you include theeesomes in your discussion of sex with an ES aged kid? Do you really feel like your 10 year old has the emotional maturity to understand this? Would you tell a 4th grader this is okay, and expect them to understand cultural relativism? If so, them yes, we have very different parenting styles, and I will cop to being an uptight prude in comparison.

No, but you failed to leave out these details previously.

Maybe your mom should have talked to the principal about your teachers not teaching you reading comprehension.

Are you sure you want to say that? compare what you emboldened with the actual details given later - there is a difference between ACTUAL DETAILS and a general description. I learned that when I was 10. You have no excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a real issue with my child's teacher right now. I think it's a personality thing- and by that j mean my inability to deal with the fact that she doesn't do her job. Her communication is absolutely horrible- she communicates important information both late and incorrectly- and every interaction with her makes me, and the other parents, want to pull our hair out. I started going to her directly with concerns about communication issues but nothing changed. I hate being that mom, but if i say anything else I'm going right to the principal.

It's not her job to communicate with you! It's her job to teach the kids in her class

Teacher here. And, NO, it is ALSO her job to communicate w/ parents------a VERY important part of the job!!!

Didn't you read the thread, teacher? Its been discussed, beyond this point you're making. Catch up!

Yes, I read the thread. I was just late to the party. No need to be rude.

[Anonymous]

My friend, a former MS teacher, recently had this issue with her DD's 7th gr language teacher. The teacher is a screamer. Mom and child went to guidance counselor over the issue, Counselor said since teacher is a colleague, she was not comfortable discussing teacher behavior. Mom mentioned to Vice Principal that she wanted to speak with her regarding this teacher. She was told to start by talking to teacher directly.

I think it is pointless because the teacher is not going to be receptive and willing to change-she will be defensive and possibly punitive. Even though Admin has to already know about the problem, I told her I would definitely schedule a meeting with Vice Principal to discuss the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

This is not a college class or an adult book club. Would you really talk to your 10 year old about orgasms lighting a woman's hair on fire while she is being penetrated in two orifices by two men? Do you include theeesomes in your discussion of sex with an ES aged kid? Do you really feel like your 10 year old has the emotional maturity to understand this? Would you tell a 4th grader this is okay, and expect them to understand cultural relativism? If so, them yes, we have very different parenting styles, and I will cop to being an uptight prude in comparison.

No, but you failed to leave out these details previously.

Maybe your mom should have talked to the principal about your teachers not teaching you reading comprehension.

Are you sure you want to say that? compare what you emboldened with the actual details given later - there is a difference between ACTUAL DETAILS and a general description. I learned that when I was 10. You have no excuse.

Maybe you don't know what group sex means. I'm not sure what you're arguing, but the 3rd post just explains what happens sometimes during group sex, which she said in the first and second posts. Maybe you were offended that a woman had an orgasm. You don't make sense, and further argument would get this thread moved to the explicit board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you for the responses. Seems like most feel it could be a trust issue or one that is bigger than the teacher.
In my case I had written a note about a supply the child needed at school. The parent took the note directly to my principal stating that it had a negative tone. I have since shared my original note with a few colleagues/friends none of whom found it to be negative. The parent never communicates with me beyond the minimum (first day, special meetings, etc.). Full disclosure: the DC is very young, has challenging needs, but adores me. While these situations are par for the course when teaching, it can be disheartening when you work so hard.

OP, maybe there was something in the note that was negative in the context the parent was reading it in. Since you and your colleagues/friends don't know about that context, you (all) wouldn't perceive it.

Or maybe the parent is just that way, or had a bad day, or something like that. In my experience, many people generally are pretty reasonable, but not everybody, and not always.