chores--how much does it matter?

[Anonymous]

Teachers always know which children expect to be waited on. It isn't pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Routine chores for children are an important part of responsible parenting. Even at age one, your child can help you put away a toy. The sooner you start, the easier it is down the road, but it's never too late to start.

[Anonymous]

I feel like my kid has enough on his plate and we don't stress over chores. I just expect him to do what I ask when I ask, which he's pretty good about. I do want him to know how to do laundry, cook and clean up after himself when he goes to college. That will not be a problem.

[Anonymous]

My mom didn't expect my brother and I to do much of anything as kids. I learned quickly how to do laundry and slowly, how to cook. I am terrible at organizing and cleaning. It stresses me out and I don't want my kids to be like me, so we are working on chores. It's a work in progress. I want them to set the table every night, but sometimes they are outside playing so happily, I want to give them a few extra minutes. So my consistency is off and that leads to protest...like I said, working on it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I really don't think it matters that much. My brother never did any chores, cooking, or handiwork around the house when he was a kid. As an adult, he keeps an absolutely spotless home, is a terrific cook, and recently replaced all the windows and trim in his house. He's *extremely* handy, and all self-taught as an adult.

Well, my bro is the complete opposite - never had chores, and when he moved out, couldn't cook or clean. He was still living like a slob and eating junk food until he finally got married at 40. Now, his wife does everything.

My mom kept asking me to set him up with one of my friends. I told her I liked my friends too much to subject them to a slob. I lived with him for a few years after college. He was hard to live with.

I'm making sure my 10 yr old DS knows how to keep house and cook. He takes out the trash, cooks his breakfast, and helps his dad around the house. My bro never did any of those things.

Same with my brothers. They had very few chores (unlike my sister and me) and my mom would even clean their rooms. Now as adults they border on being slobs and my mom still waits on them when they go home.

I'm teaching my boys to do everything. They clean my bathrooms and cook one night a week and do their own laundry.

[Anonymous]

My kids do chores because we start to resent them if we're slaving away all day and the Tweens are watching TV while I'm digging their cherry pits out of the disposal!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really struggling with how much of priority to place on my tweens doing/ learning chores. We have never been good about making the kids do dishes, laundry etc during the year because they have homework and musical instruments to practice. my attititude has been that they will learn how to take care of a house when they have one, but I do see a lot of chore charts etc when we visit other families. really struggling here as I don't care about doing the dishes myself (although I don't particularly like it either) , but don't want to raise kids who can't do any household work.

My children has always participated in this household to the extent that they have been able. It's part of being a family. They are 4 and 6yo and crave competence, which is totally normal developmentally. There've been a few broken dishes, sure. But, they know to put their dirty clothes next to the washing machine, and love turning on the dishwasher (Press n- n- normal then the triangle).

I'm a single mom. I can't be in a situation where I'm responsible for all household tasks solo AND clean up after them. If they spill, they know where the bleach wipes are and they wipe up the mess they've made. They set the table, using a step stool to grab dishes from the kitchen cabinet. I taught the elder to shower after camp each day, and not to depend on me to facilitate that. It's our routine.

This is what works for us. There's no universal standard that you should feel any pressure to maintain. However, like other posters, I think they your children should know how to do all of these things before they head off to college. I wouldn't wait for them to learn how to manage basic household tasks once they're homeowners. I think they'd be really anxious and feel unprepared and overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

My kids help out with small jobs like vacuuming and bringing in trash cans to earn a dollar here and there. From a young age they've been expected to put their laundry away, clear the table and make their bed (unpaid). At age 10, I taught them to do their own laundry and the responsibility became theirs alone. Not exactly a chore but I also had them make their own cold breakfast and lunches on occasion around age 7. Kids are 7-13 now and generally pretty helpful. I don't have them do heavy cleaning though (no bathrooms, etc) because I admit to being a control freak about it being done well.

I have a SIL who never had my nephews do a thing. She did all their laundry, etc until they moved out in their 20s. From day one I've been determined that my kids will not end up lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I give my 11 yo an allowance of $7/week. She has to keep her room clean/orderly, put away all clothes, clean the "hangout" room she shares with her brother, stay on top of calendar items (school and activities), and perform "other duties as assigned."

My son is learning - but it's been more challenging.

How old is your son? Unless he is very young (like under 3 or 4), why should your daughter be solely responsible for cleaning up their "hangout" room???

[Anonymous]

My kids help when asked, but it's never been engrained to the point where it's 'automatic'. Any suggestions on how to make it more engrained? What I really wish is they'd see, small things, and help out. Some paper on the floor, pick it up. A few dishes, wash them. Trash can full, empty it. Kitchen table a mess, help clean it up.

Any ideas (other than constantly feeling like I'm either always picking up or pointing things out?). Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I think it is a matter of respect. I'm not their servant. They need to take care of some things automatically...clear their own plates, unload the dishwasher if they notice it, do their laundry, help out in the yard. We have jobs and responsibilities and still manage to take care of household responsibilities, so can they. We don't have charts and all of that, just an expectation that they help. I can't stand the attitude that enables someone to sit there at the table while other people are clearing and washing dishes. It just seems disrespectful and entitled to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids help when asked, but it's never been engrained to the point where it's 'automatic'. Any suggestions on how to make it more engrained? What I really wish is they'd see, small things, and help out. Some paper on the floor, pick it up. A few dishes, wash them. Trash can full, empty it. Kitchen table a mess, help clean it up.

Any ideas (other than constantly feeling like I'm either always picking up or pointing things out?). Thanks.

Genuine appreciation? I was getting groceries out of the trunk the other day and my eight year old came around to help me carry them in. I stopped, got down to his level, and thanked him sincerely for helping without being asked. At dinner that night I mentioned it to his dad, how thoughtful he was, etc. Made just as big a deal out of it as if he had hit a home run or gotten straight As.

[Anonymous]

We don't call them chores. We call them responsibilities.

My daughter became responsible for certain things as soon as she was old enough to understand what that meant. We've explained, in age-appropriate ways, that everyone living in a home has a responsibility to keep that home a nice place to live, including cleanliness, good meals, care for living things (pets, plants), and having the house pretty and welcoming for people who visit. People are responsible for their possessions. I can't leave my work all over the table so no one can eat there; she can't leave her drawing stuff or homework there for the same reason. My beloved, kind, slovenly husband either, bless his heart.

Toddler age-- with my help, get the toys back into baskets and shelves between play time and nap or meal.

3-4-- do this a bit more independently, plus help get table ready and cleared, generally just the unbreakable items or moving a jug of milk from counter to table, or from fridge to me.

4-6-- help feed pets. Water plants. Wipe table. Dishwasher-related tasks. More significant help with meals. Clean room. Help get laundry into washer. Make bed. Tidy common areas, particularly her own items.

6-8-- all above plus some garden work, leaf blower, fold own clothes, keep her bathroom sink clean / wipe toothpaste out, add items to grocery list as they're used up, put groceries away, more help with food prep and serving, make own breakfast unless it's something special (eggs, French toast, pankakes-- still me), groom dog.

8+ all of the above plus run errands (buy milk or cheese a block away, put Netflix in mailbox), pack own suitcases and camping gear, work with me and husband on bigger weekend home stuff (clean out fridge, etc.), do own laundry, heavier post-cooking cleanup.

Now that middle school is upon us we're looking at additional ways she can contribute to the household. We'll do this with her participation. I would like it if she does these things more independently. She always does them when asked, but she almost always takes a gentle reminder to get going (in fairness, so does my husband).

We spend a lot of time on fun activities all together and she gets tons of time with friends, but like us she has to get boring and necessary tasks out of the way first-- like we do.

She actually relishes the big-kid responsibilities. First time we let her run an errand she talked about it for a week. She'll be a great roommate by the time she gets to college.

Fortunately we've gotten help in this regard from Quaker camp, where shared responsibility for the kitchen, dining room, dishes, bath houses, etc. are daily reality that they generally turn into a fun game, like everything else they do.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I want to sent my kids to Quaker camp! I love that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I want to sent my kids to Quaker camp! I love that!

Check it out! Family doesn't need to be Quaker. Many traditions are represented there. It's very much a hippie farm, through, no-frills, crunchy, and outdoorsy.
http://bymcamps.org/