What High School Dress Codes Teach Our Daughters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unisex dress code.

Hold girls to the same dress standards as the boys.

Ts with sleeves, stomach covered
shorts must be at least fingertip length
no skirts for anyone

Done.

Simple.

Anyone who wants to make it a sexist gender issue is just grasping at straws and picking a fight where there is none.

I've posted this before. But the problem is, the attitude still exists. I happened to overhear a high school class meeting at my daughters school. (It was in the library where we were hanging out together between K dismissal and her older brothers). Our schools code is completely gender neutral. Still, the boys were explicitly told to be neater in order to be good role models, and the girls were explicitly told that their outfits were making the staff uncomfortable. The conversation directed at girls was also 5 times as long with detailed descriptions of body parts that were improperly covered.

I was disturbed enough to discuss this with a school official at a later parent feedback meeting (btw, having no idea this was a "known" issue with dress codes) and was told students had had similar complaints. (Good for them) The school actually did an audit of dress code infraction write ups, and girls and boys were similarly represented with similar infraction profiles. So the gender separation was totally not needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unisex dress code.

Hold girls to the same dress standards as the boys.

Ts with sleeves, stomach covered
shorts must be at least fingertip length
no skirts for anyone

Done.

Simple.

Anyone who wants to make it a sexist gender issue is just grasping at straws and picking a fight where there is none.

The dress code is part of the problem. The fingertips-shorts-rule is just plain silly, for example. I have shorts that are shorter than fingertip-length, and they are by no means short shorts, nor do I have particularly long arms, nor does anybody get distracted by looking at me when I'm wearing them (unless they have a thing for middle-aged women in mom shorts).

Inconsistent enforcement of the dress code is the other part of the problem. At my daughter's middle school, a girl with a figure got dress coded for wearing a strapless romper. The dress code doesn't say anything about strapless not being allowed. Another girl with a figure got dress coded for wearing a skirt that was shorter than fingertip-length, even though the dress code doesn't say anything about fingertip-length, it just says "modest". Meanwhile my daughter with stick legs and no figure yet is running around in shorts that are definitely shorter than fingertip-length, and nobody says a word. (If they did say a word, I would be there in the office, telling them that I think my daughter's shorts are modest -- which I do.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high school famously--at the time & place--didn't have a dress code. It was an art school, and the thought was that installing a dress code would stifle creativity. And you know what? We all survived, even those of us who wore spaghetti strapped babydoll dresses or outfits made of papier mâché.

These kids of dress codes are unfair to both boys AND girls. Girls are told that it's their responsibility to keep from being "distracting"; boys are being told that they're just too dumb to learn anything while girls are around.

OP here. EXACTLY my sentiments. I just don't know how I would raise my daughter to love her body even if her boobs are too big, or hips are too wide.

Agree. This is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yet I managed to get through school without a dress code violation or feeling body shame. Guess Mom raised me right.

Same. It comes off as though there is something wrong with you as a women if you don't have these feelings and it's not true. I don't have body shame nor have I ever.

[Anonymous]

A strapless romper or strapless top is never appropriate in a middle school or high school setting. The student, male or female, should have been written up for wearing that.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like some of you want it both ways.

Different, more relaxed standards for the girls dress codes (shorter than fingertip, strappy shirts fine, etc.)

Same enforcement as the boys.

If you want the same enforcement as the boys then you need to dress your daughters to the same levelnof coverage as the boys.

Truly, that is the fairest way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A strapless romper or strapless top is never appropriate in a middle school or high school setting. The student, male or female, should have been written up for wearing that.

Here is the dress code:

Trousers and shorts are to be worn at an appropriate waist level without exposing the undergarments
Shorts and skirts are to be a modest length
Halter-tops, crop tops or other shirts that expose the abdomen or undergarments are prohibited
Clothing should be clean and in good repair. Torn, ripped or “raggedy” clothing is not permitted
Clothing depicting drugs, alcohol, tobacco, stereotyping, violence, obscene language of any kind or having sexual connotations in design or words is strictly prohibited
Hats, coats, scarves, bandanas, and heavy jackets are not to be worn inside the school building during regu-lar operating hours
Appropriate footwear is required at all times
Jewelry with spikes or pointed ends is not permitted
Backpacks are to be stored in lockers during the school day

Which rule does a strapless romper violate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like some of you want it both ways.

Different, more relaxed standards for the girls dress codes (shorter than fingertip, strappy shirts fine, etc.)

Same enforcement as the boys.

If you want the same enforcement as the boys then you need to dress your daughters to the same levelnof coverage as the boys.

Truly, that is the fairest way.

Where did you get this idea from? I don't have any problem with boys wearing shorts that are shorter than fingertip length or strappy shirts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet I managed to get through school without a dress code violation or feeling body shame. Guess Mom raised me right.

Same. It comes off as though there is something wrong with you as a women if you don't have these feelings and it's not true. I don't have body shame nor have I ever.

How nice for you, and I mean that sincerely. Nonetheless, other people, who are not you, have other experiences, which may be different from your experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A strapless romper or strapless top is never appropriate in a middle school or high school setting. The student, male or female, should have been written up for wearing that.

Here is the dress code:

Trousers and shorts are to be worn at an appropriate waist level without exposing the undergarments
Shorts and skirts are to be a modest length
Halter-tops, crop tops or other shirts that expose the abdomen or undergarments are prohibited
Clothing should be clean and in good repair. Torn, ripped or “raggedy” clothing is not permitted
Clothing depicting drugs, alcohol, tobacco, stereotyping, violence, obscene language of any kind or having sexual connotations in design or words is strictly prohibited
Hats, coats, scarves, bandanas, and heavy jackets are not to be worn inside the school building during regu-lar operating hours
Appropriate footwear is required at all times
Jewelry with spikes or pointed ends is not permitted
Backpacks are to be stored in lockers during the school day

Which rule does a strapless romper violate?

Looks like they need to add a new rule: No strapless tops (I'd prefer no spaghetti straps as well, but there have been several posts vehemently defending those)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A strapless romper or strapless top is never appropriate in a middle school or high school setting. The student, male or female, should have been written up for wearing that.

Here is the dress code:

Trousers and shorts are to be worn at an appropriate waist level without exposing the undergarments
Shorts and skirts are to be a modest length
Halter-tops, crop tops or other shirts that expose the abdomen or undergarments are prohibited
Clothing should be clean and in good repair. Torn, ripped or “raggedy” clothing is not permitted
Clothing depicting drugs, alcohol, tobacco, stereotyping, violence, obscene language of any kind or having sexual connotations in design or words is strictly prohibited
Hats, coats, scarves, bandanas, and heavy jackets are not to be worn inside the school building during regu-lar operating hours
Appropriate footwear is required at all times
Jewelry with spikes or pointed ends is not permitted
Backpacks are to be stored in lockers during the school day

Which rule does a strapless romper violate?

Looks like they need to add a new rule: No strapless tops (I'd prefer no spaghetti straps as well, but there have been several posts vehemently defending those)

But in fact, "No strapless tops" is not a rule. So what we have is teachers making up their own dress code rules and then enforcing them. I think that's a problem. Do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet I managed to get through school without a dress code violation or feeling body shame. Guess Mom raised me right.

Same. It comes off as though there is something wrong with you as a women if you don't have these feelings and it's not true. I don't have body shame nor have I ever.

How nice for you, and I mean that sincerely. Nonetheless, other people, who are not you, have other experiences, which may be different from your experiences.

Thanks, Jezebel. But actually, my point was, instead of railing against dress codes, maybe we should focus on doing a good job of raising our children, boys and girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet I managed to get through school without a dress code violation or feeling body shame. Guess Mom raised me right.

Same. It comes off as though there is something wrong with you as a women if you don't have these feelings and it's not true. I don't have body shame nor have I ever.

How nice for you, and I mean that sincerely. Nonetheless, other people, who are not you, have other experiences, which may be different from your experiences.

Thanks, Jezebel. But actually, my point was, instead of railing against dress codes, maybe we should focus on doing a good job of raising our children, boys and girls.

Why either/or? In fact, I consider changing the dress codes and assumptions underlying the dress codes as an important part of doing a good job of raising our children, boys and girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A strapless romper or strapless top is never appropriate in a middle school or high school setting. The student, male or female, should have been written up for wearing that.

Here is the dress code:

Trousers and shorts are to be worn at an appropriate waist level without exposing the undergarments
Shorts and skirts are to be a modest length
Halter-tops, crop tops or other shirts that expose the abdomen or undergarments are prohibited
Clothing should be clean and in good repair. Torn, ripped or “raggedy” clothing is not permitted
Clothing depicting drugs, alcohol, tobacco, stereotyping, violence, obscene language of any kind or having sexual connotations in design or words is strictly prohibited
Hats, coats, scarves, bandanas, and heavy jackets are not to be worn inside the school building during regu-lar operating hours
Appropriate footwear is required at all times
Jewelry with spikes or pointed ends is not permitted
Backpacks are to be stored in lockers during the school day

Halter tops...etc. i would include a strapless top in this category. It is a shame a parent cannot see how a strapless romper is not approlriate apparel for school and expects it to be spelled out.

Which rule does a strapless romper violate?

[Anonymous]

Halter tops...etc. i would include a strapless top in this category. It is a shame a parent cannot see how a strapless romper is not approlriate apparel for school and expects it to be spelled out.