Middle School Shunning and How to Overcome?

[Anonymous]

Op here. I've been sharing your encouraging stories and ideas with my DC. She really appreciates it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I've been sharing your encouraging stories and ideas with my DC. She really appreciates it![/quote

OP, please keep us posted. I have an MS daughter and it's been so great to read some of these posts. I think your own daughter is going to come through this well. I especially applaud you for getting her back to her youth group. I totally agree with the PP who posted that it helps a LOT if kids have friends in groups other than school or a team or wherever the drama is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a new form of bullying. The worst part is it's on DD's team, outside of school. Coach has been made aware but it's so subtle yet maddening. DD has moments of sadness about it. She felt used as she did a lot for the group (getting them more followers on Instagram as she has a channel with a big following ) prior to the shunning.

Not at all new- this has been going (in one form or another) on since forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I've been sharing your encouraging stories and ideas with my DC. She really appreciates it![/quote

OP, please keep us posted. I have an MS daughter and it's been so great to read some of these posts. I think your own daughter is going to come through this well. I especially applaud you for getting her back to her youth group. I totally agree with the PP who posted that it helps a LOT if kids have friends in groups other than school or a team or wherever the drama is.

Thank you. As far as an update...the shunning continues but my daughter's sadness about it has gone away, although she occasionally wakes up feeling sad or mad about it. We will continue taking her to youth group and keeping her busy with many activities, some she wants to do, some I encourage her to do. She would love nothing more than to have a group of friends to go to the mall with, oh well. I'm at least relieved she's not hanging out with girls who treat others like this. Most of those girls are moving on to another team after the spring If she gets her skills up, she'll be joining them, but she's not incentivized to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a new form of bullying. The worst part is it's on DD's team, outside of school. Coach has been made aware but it's so subtle yet maddening. DD has moments of sadness about it. She felt used as she did a lot for the group (getting them more followers on Instagram as she has a channel with a big following ) prior to the shunning.

Not at all new- this has been going (in one form or another) on since forever.

The part that's new is the shunning via texting. Suddenly kicking her out of a chat room, for example, with very little explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD goes through this at swim team during the summer. Its awful. She insists she doesn't want to quit, because she loves to race, and does have a couple close friends, but the vast majority in her age group do all sorts of weird shunning things. One of the most egregious, and one I don't understand how the coach allows, is a group of girls wear different, matching suits to the meets instead of the team suit all to indicate they're all a unit and the rest are not. She is not allowed in the team tent when her age group is in there (the girls gather and close the circle), and they do not speak to her - even when she is on the relay team with them. I do not understand why she won't quit, but she does have friends and told me she has realized it is just them, and not anything she has done wrong, and she won't them ruin her sport for her.

OP here - I am inspired by your daughter's courage! Good for her! I also believe that mean girls like that will get what's coming to them some day.

See, I don't think it's courage. I mean when you really think about her reason is pretty shallow and an adult should kind of see through that. If racing was the objective, then she would join another team or swim year round or some other option. To see the couple of friends she has, wouldn't she just go to the pool and hang out during normal house. No need to be on swim team for that. To me, this reads that the girl knows how to give the adults/parent approved answer but what she is really doing is desperately trying to hang in there believing that if she just does the right thing, then suddenly the girls will like her/accept her. I think this is were parents need to step in and really talk to their kids and let them know there really is no reason to stick with something where they are so unwelcome. Personally, I wouldn't sign my DD up for the upcoming season and tell her to find another activity for the summer. Kids can't always see the forest for the trees and they need someone to help them take the step back and see the situation from the outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD goes through this at swim team during the summer. Its awful. She insists she doesn't want to quit, because she loves to race, and does have a couple close friends, but the vast majority in her age group do all sorts of weird shunning things. One of the most egregious, and one I don't understand how the coach allows, is a group of girls wear different, matching suits to the meets instead of the team suit all to indicate they're all a unit and the rest are not. She is not allowed in the team tent when her age group is in there (the girls gather and close the circle), and they do not speak to her - even when she is on the relay team with them. I do not understand why she won't quit, but she does have friends and told me she has realized it is just them, and not anything she has done wrong, and she won't them ruin her sport for her.

HOLY COW!

First of all your DD is awesome.

Secondly, that coach needs a talking to. Big time.

x 1,000 to both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTH Is that swim coach thinking?

I know, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD goes through this at swim team during the summer. Its awful. She insists she doesn't want to quit, because she loves to race, and does have a couple close friends, but the vast majority in her age group do all sorts of weird shunning things. One of the most egregious, and one I don't understand how the coach allows, is a group of girls wear different, matching suits to the meets instead of the team suit all to indicate they're all a unit and the rest are not. She is not allowed in the team tent when her age group is in there (the girls gather and close the circle), and they do not speak to her - even when she is on the relay team with them. I do not understand why she won't quit, but she does have friends and told me she has realized it is just them, and not anything she has done wrong, and she won't them ruin her sport for her.

Good for your daughter!

Things get so much better in HS when there is a larger group of people.