Adoption--parental obligations regarding child's native language

[Anonymous]

My child was adopted at age 7 months from a country which has a tonal language. We have not forced him into language lessons. He did not speak until age 3 (English) and has hearing loss. There are just so many things you can do. We are still working on getting English right after 4 years of speech therapy.

Maybe in other circumstances I would try to do it, but that is not right for this child in this family.

[Anonymous]

As everyone else has said, it's so much more complicated and complex than just "parents have an obligation to maintain a kids native language"
There are logistical issues (sure, if you adopt a child from a spanish speaking country it might be easy to find a community to maintain the language, but other languages aren't as common).
And then there are the issues of what the kid wants and needs. Our daughter was speaking her language when she came home. We hired a nanny who spoke her language so that she had a chance to maintain it. Whenever I speak (in my very very limited vocabulary) in her native language, my daughter tells me no, laughs, and speaks in English.
I'm sure once she starts school, she will completely lose what is left of her native language. I'm sad about that, but I'm not sure there are any viable alternatives.

[Anonymous]

I was able to relax on the language front re our adopted kids when I noticed that the foreign parents of the kids on my child's soccer team ---who, being the biological parents of their kids and perfectly able to maintain a household where only the parents' native language was spoken---were STILL unable to force their American-born kids to speak their language. The children could clearly understand their parents, and could even---if forced---muster up a response in the parents' language---but their immediate "go-to" language for responding was always English.

Kids gravitate to the dominant language of their surroundings. They just do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Kids gravitate to the dominant language of their surroundings. They just do.

Yup! And I think forcing another language on a kid who isn't interested simply because they are adopted is as bad as completely ignoring the child's born-language and culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In some cases, this is easier than others. Affluent DC-area parents adopting a child from Latin America, French-speaking West Africa, or mainland China will find a lot of language-based play groups or they can get an au pair or nanny who speaks the child's native language. If you live in rural Iowa and adopt a child from rural India, you're unlikely to find someone who speaks the child's regional language.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm adopted and I did not speak English when I was a little kid. Now, I have completely forgotten the languages that I spoke and only knew that I was born knowing another language because my parents told me. I think it's a great idea to learn the language of the child you're adopting so that they won't completely forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the only obligations parents have to their children are: feeding, clothing, sheltering them; providing reasonable care and stimulation; being kind to them.
I don't think there is any obligation like teaching ballet, Spanish, or paying for college.

BS. Adoptive parents have much greater obligations because they are removing a child from its kin, its culture, its identity. But children are not blank slates that you can just erase and re-form in your own image. A child who HAS language that you adopt should be taught to retain and preserve that language, just as they should keep the name they were born with. A child has a right to remain whole and not have parts of them removed for the convenience of adopters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm adopted and I did not speak English when I was a little kid. Now, I have completely forgotten the languages that I spoke and only knew that I was born knowing another language because my parents told me. I think it's a great idea to learn the language of the child you're adopting so that they won't completely forget it.

That is so sad and I totally agree. You may find that your brain has not completely forgotten, though. If you immerse yourself in the la gage and try to re-learn it, you may find it much easier than someone learning it for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only obligations parents have to their children are: feeding, clothing, sheltering them; providing reasonable care and stimulation; being kind to them.
I don't think there is any obligation like teaching ballet, Spanish, or paying for college.

BS. Adoptive parents have much greater obligations because they are removing a child from its kin, its culture, its identity. But children are not blank slates that you can just erase and re-form in your own image. A child who HAS language that you adopt should be taught to retain and preserve that language, just as they should keep the name they were born with. A child has a right to remain whole and not have parts of them removed for the convenience of adopters.

Some kids are named by hospital workers or orphanage directors or people who have no love or affection to the child, but only a duty. Keeping the name your child had when you met them might be really meaningless.

And you have a very narrow view of adoption. Some kids who speak a different language than their adoptive parents are not removed
From their kin or culture by the adoptive parents who end up raising them and making them a part of their permanent family. Sometimes adopted kids end up abandoned and in foster care and end up in families who had nothing to do with their removal from their culture. It is pretty narrow to make a set of “rules” for a group that don’t apply to all in the group.

[Anonymous]

I have adopted children who can speak only a bit of their native languages. What many people don't seem to understand is that traumatized children may not want to speak the native language. There is no "obligation" to force it on them. I get the impression the posters recommending what ":should" be done do not have adopted children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only obligations parents have to their children are: feeding, clothing, sheltering them; providing reasonable care and stimulation; being kind to them.
I don't think there is any obligation like teaching ballet, Spanish, or paying for college.

BS. Adoptive parents have much greater obligations because they are removing a child from its kin, its culture, its identity. But children are not blank slates that you can just erase and re-form in your own image. A child who HAS language that you adopt should be taught to retain and preserve that language, just as they should keep the name they were born with. A child has a right to remain whole and not have parts of them removed for the convenience of adopters.

Please. My husband’s brother was adopted internationally at age 5. He was abandoned at birth. He spent 5 years languishing in an orphanage, completely rejected by his kin and country because he was mixed race. He forgot the language and could not care less about a country that treated him like garbage.

[Anonymous]

I used some of their language, taught them basics, then made the lessons available if they wanted to pursue. I also make foods from their culture and teach them that. Every child is different. Some embrace it and learn their culture and language, some reject it, some are curious. It’s best to make it very available and not to judge.

[Anonymous]

Most of this is garbage. Our kids -- adopted from Asia -- speak English and love learning French. No interest in Asian languages.

Stay out of other people's families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only obligations parents have to their children are: feeding, clothing, sheltering them; providing reasonable care and stimulation; being kind to them.
I don't think there is any obligation like teaching ballet, Spanish, or paying for college.

BS. Adoptive parents have much greater obligations because they are removing a child from its kin, its culture, its identity. But children are not blank slates that you can just erase and re-form in your own image. A child who HAS language that you adopt should be taught to retain and preserve that language, just as they should keep the name they were born with. A child has a right to remain whole and not have parts of them removed for the convenience of adopters.

I can tell you have not adopted internationally. The children lose their first language within months, unless they have been adopted into an immersive, 24/7 environment where that first language is spoken on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

I lost the ability to speak my second language after a concussion.

Oh well. That’s what subtitles are for