3 savings accounts for DC, why would GP want to open another one?
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Anonymous
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OP here. My concern is the control issue. They used money to control my older brother, and I learned pretty quickly- always had a job and thus my own spending money in high school and college. But they still paid my college tuition, and still claim that without them I never would have made it as far as I have. I just don't want my DC to equate money with strings attached. If I give my DC a gift, I don't want my child to think that they owe me in any way.
However they did offer to put in $1k, which obviously is a big help this early on, so I can also understand the tax benefit issue. And what peaked my concern is that they asked for DC's SSN. I realize that they probably would not do any harm to DC, but they have different ideas on parenting and disapprove of some of DH and my decisions (we plan on moving further away, we enjoy city living and sports, and want our child to be very social etc - growing up I wasn't allowed to see my friends, go to camps, if I had free time I was expected to go with them to work, etc). They seem to think that our ideas on parenting will make DC lazy and stupid. I don't know what they could do with the SSN, but I don't want them to be able to use anything against my DH and I. |
Anonymous
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So, to solve this perceived issue, tell them thank you but no thank you.
FYI-SSN can equal identity theft-opening up credit, turning on utilities (people do this all the time-even to children.) |
Anonymous
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OP--this sounds SO much like my family. I'm the responsible one with a job always and my parents still support my younger sib.(and her child)
My Father has opened several accounts for my DC and I'm just grateful and not questioning why he didn't give it to me to invest. He did the pre-paid college fund and others so we are lucky and since I am independent and don't need his money like my sibling does our relationship is better. The one time I did need it was so awful and a time in my life I would never relive. That being said if you will be happier not taking it its your choice but college is getting out of control. |
Anonymous
For $1000 I'd just say no thanks. That's not nearly enough to put up with all this angst you seem to be feeling. And the tax benefit on $1000 is only if they put it in a 529 and only for state taxes so would be about $50-$80. |
Anonymous
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My dad set up an account for my daughter with her social security number - a 529 - and it never occurred to me that it should somehow be in my control?! We didn't have a great relationship growing up but I'm glad I don't have your issues OP. And, um, normal people make their own spending money in college or parents get to call the shots.
You don't want to give DC money with strings....right...so its ok if your kid uses their college fund to buy a new car when they turn 18 right? |
Anonymous
OP said they are specifically NOT putting it into a 529, but want to open a separate bank account. That means they want to control how it is spent. A 529 would be different, hence the post. |
Anonymous
Exactly! It's their contribution -- let them handle however they want. |
Anonymous
This is the very reason you don't want them to mix THEIR MONEY WITH YOURS. If they want to act an ass later on, you don't have to worry about going into YOUR account to get THEIR money out and give it back to them. It's their account they can save in it, withdraw from it, give it to Yoda if they want. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT!!! |
Anonymous
| Agreed. If you don't want them to act like they own you, the best option is to turn down their money. The second best option is to have them put the money in their own account, separate from your money. I don't see why any party involved should want the money in the same account. |
Anonymous
I would look at it the opposite way. If they GIVE money to OP to use for the grandkids, at that point they no longer control it - it's a gift and it loses its identity when co-mingled with all OP's other assets or the GKs assets. However, if they want a distinct account that they control (esp a bank account, not a 529), they aren't really giving anything, because they retain control - they are merely say "here is some money we might give your kid if he/she/you do xxx". Separate accounts allow they to expert control. That's fine - it's their money - but that's different than a gift and far less helpful. |
Anonymous
| Who would turn down a bank account that they are probably going to access conveniently and frequently make deposits into? No comprendo. |
Anonymous
if it's in the child's name, and the child is 18, can't the child use it any way he/she sees fit? vs if it is in the grandparent's name 'in trust for'? |
Anonymous
No, the point is if OP accepts the gift and takes the money, then the grandparents have a sense of entitlement and can emotionally manipulate them. Once you take the money, even if you try to give the money back, they can refuse and still emotionally blackmail you. However, if you refuse the money, they never have any such control because they've never given the money over. If you accept the money but allow them to keep it in a bank of their own, then later, if they try the emotional blackmail, you can refuse it "I'm not going to do what you want, so why don't you just keep your money!" and then they still have never given the money to you. OP--I would accept the money, let them keep it, but do NOT give them your children's SSN's. Tell them that they can just keep the account for the grandkids until they are older. If they try to attach strings later, then tell them to keep the money as you don't want to deal with the strings. You can also talk about the issues when you kids are teens and let the kids decide if they want to kowtow to the grandparents demands, leaving yourself and your children the option to cut the strings later and refuse the emotional blackmail. |