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Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities
Insensitive Friends or Am I Too Sensitive?
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Anonymous
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OP, do you live in the area? I also have a son w/CP with similar issues. He is getting older (a year younger than your son) and realizing his limitations and how he is 'different' from others. We actually experience the oppositve w/our friends--they try too hard to accommodate my son, if that makes sense. Like some posters shared, unfortunately the world is big, cruel, un-accommodating, and insensitive. My son is now realizing this, despite my attempts to protect him. OP, feel free to contact me offlist via email if you'd like: hundred-and-one@hotmail.com
I also know another boy who is your son's same age, w/CP, walks with walker. Been meaning to get together a playgroup of some kind for little guys like ours... |
Anonymous
| 9:04 here, I would love to arrange some outings or vacash with the other cp moms...email me too...elizabeth/dot/bach/at/nlrb/dot/gov |
Anonymous
| 9:04, you will not believe who I am. We used to work together. I am sending you an email now. What a small world. I did not know you had a son with CP. I would love to get together and catch up and have our kids meet. |
Anonymous
| Your friends should have immediately eliminated the choice that didn't work for your son. The important part is being together and including everyone and if that means losing one notch on the swankiness scale so be it. I don't think you are being too sensitive. |
Anonymous
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This thread makes me so sad. What is wrong with your friends. They don't sound like very good friends. Sure, Nemacolin is nice, but come ON. I would never, ever suggest a place that put a friend's special needs child in this position. I don't think you should go on the trip. Go to Wintergreen yourselves.
And send your "friends" this thread. Calling them "insensitive" is putting it mildly. |
Anonymous
So cool that this thread is helping people (re)connect! And yes, OP's "friends" are ridiculous. I can't imagine planning a group vacation with a bunch of friends that would knowingly exclude one of the kids. THese people sound incredibly selfish. |
Anonymous
| This is OP again. We cancelled the trip. I am very relieved now. |
Anonymous
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I have spent the past 15 years accomodating my brother's special need child. He has one child, I have three (3). My family constantly changes plans, changes venues and cancel desired activities to keep his son from feeling left out.
I'm actually tired of it. In the last year I have not invited them to any of our usual vacation get togethers because the choices that my children want to make do not accomodate his child. I suppose it makes me a bad person. |
Anonymous
No, it doesn't make you a bad person. You don't have to vacation with your brother's family. There are many other ways you can spend quality time together that will not exclude your nephew. OP, I think that you made the right choice. Now you can plan a vacation without the stress or worry and it will be wonderful for you and your son. Best of luck to you. |
Anonymous
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OP, I agree, good decision. Plan your own fun vacation w/your family and son. A few of us on here with CP kids are looking to start a group for kids and/or parents. Contact poster above via email. She has a son near your son's age:
hundred-and-one@hotmail.com |
Anonymous
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OP, I feel for you, and how difficult it must have been to cancel your vacation. If you have vacationed for years with this group of people, it must feel like the beginning of a rift, and that can be very painful.
I have a friend who has never accommodated my special needs child. She's a wonderful person, and we have wonderful talks, but she never takes into account his needs, and seems embarrassed by his behavior in public (the few times I've had to bring him along -- he's severely autistic). I would never plan a vacation with her (even though we took vacations together when we were younger, pre-kids) because she doesn't get it. She has no kids, so that makes it worse. But I won't give up our friendship -- it's too valuable to me. And I won't confront her about her inability to empathize with my child's situation. That would kill our friendship, and would, quite honestly, be asking too much of her. Try not to be angry with your friends, and to value them for the things you like about them and get out of the friendship. If they can't understand what you go through (and how could they? Did you know what it was like to have a child before you had one?) that makes them human, and yes, a little insensitive, but not horrible people. If you want to remain friends, then do what you can with them, and politely bow out of things (like the ski vacation) that won't accommodate your child. Save your energy. You need it to take care of yourself and your family. I know how exhausting it is to have a special needs child, and only someone who has one can truly understand. It's rough raising children, period. A special needs child tests you in ways you would never have imagined. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry that your friends were not more accomodating. It seems like your husband is really struggling with the ramifications of your son's disability (as we all do) and how it might impact his social own social life. How is the cancellation sitting with him? Have you been able to reschedule for the place that can accomodate your son? If so, I hope that you have a wonderful trip and some good family time. |
Anonymous
| Your husband is right that the world will not change to meet your son's needs but I would want my son to know this his family would change. I'd take my family to the right ski resort for us and let my "friends" burn in icy hell. |
Anonymous
| These people are not friends. It would never occur to me to so insensitive to you and your son...frankly, if I were you I would move on. Without going into detail, I had a similar/but different situation...I said farewell to people who I thought were my friends (I knew them for 20 years). No regrets because at this point in my life I do not want to be around people who are so selfish. Again, move on...life is too short to keep people in your life that hurt you. |
Anonymous
| This is the first time I've seen this thread and it makes me sad and angry that your friends are so insensitive. I don't blame you for cancelling. |