Has anyone done a Brit Shalom ceremony instead of a bris/circumcision for their baby boy?

[Anonymous]

Other aspects of Judaism being flexible depend on your type of Judaism.
I don't agree with 'just have the darn bris' because honestly if it doesn't mean anything to you, don't have it. Customs for customs sake, to me, is false religion.
If you dont find this a valuable aspect (the covenant with god, according to Jewish law) then don't do it. But I do thin k if you plan to raise your child actively religions, you should be prepared for questions or some issues when he is older, and how to handle what you will do if he wants it when he is older.

But also, acting in alignment with Jewish values isn't really the same as being Jewish, to me. There are laws and requirements (outside of a bris) that should be part of a Jewish life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't find this persuasive. In fact, it is attitudes like yours that affirm my desire not to have a circumcision. I don't appreciate being bullied into doing something by my "community", nor do I believe that my child shouldn't be able to participate in Judaism just because of something his body does or doesn't have. I understand my husband's point of view but we are both the baby's parents so I don't see why I shouldn't have a say in the decision as well. There are lots of things that have been traditions in the past or that are supposedly "required" that we don't do anymore, and there are Jews who practice Judaism to varying degrees. I don't understand why so many other aspects of Judaism are flexible but this one is not. I don't believe in God, so the argument that God commanded something does not hold value for me. Some of the parts of Judaism that are valuable to me are the imperatives to be kind to others, to not harm others, and to ask questions and seek meaningful personal answers and decisions. In that sense, I think I am acting in alignment with Jewish values and with my own values by questioning whether circumcision is the right choice for our family.

Anonymous wrote:Just have the darn bris. It is a tradition that your husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc all were part of. There are a lot of things as parents we want to protect our kids from and I completely understand that but ths goes beyond that.

If you are Jewish and plan to raise your kid Jewish, just have the damn circumcision. Plus, didn't you say your husband wanted it? He has a penis and still would have it done...why overthnk this?

OP, by challenging dogma and thinking on your own feet you are showing higher Jewish values than many of the unquestioning PPs here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't find this persuasive. In fact, it is attitudes like yours that affirm my desire not to have a circumcision. I don't appreciate being bullied into doing something by my "community", nor do I believe that my child shouldn't be able to participate in Judaism just because of something his body does or doesn't have. I understand my husband's point of view but we are both the baby's parents so I don't see why I shouldn't have a say in the decision as well. There are lots of things that have been traditions in the past or that are supposedly "required" that we don't do anymore, and there are Jews who practice Judaism to varying degrees. I don't understand why so many other aspects of Judaism are flexible but this one is not. I don't believe in God, so the argument that God commanded something does not hold value for me. Some of the parts of Judaism that are valuable to me are the imperatives to be kind to others, to not harm others, and to ask questions and seek meaningful personal answers and decisions. In that sense, I think I am acting in alignment with Jewish values and with my own values by questioning whether circumcision is the right choice for our family.

Anonymous wrote:Just have the darn bris. It is a tradition that your husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc all were part of. There are a lot of things as parents we want to protect our kids from and I completely understand that but ths goes beyond that.

If you are Jewish and plan to raise your kid Jewish, just have the damn circumcision. Plus, didn't you say your husband wanted it? He has a penis and still would have it done...why overthnk this?

OP, by challenging dogma and thinking on your own feet you are showing higher Jewish values than many of the unquestioning PPs here.

Bullshit. I'm the one who said I eat spare ribs and only go to temple on Yom Kippur. Circumcision is non-negotiable. Do whatever you want- no one can convince you otherwise. I go to a reform synagogue and if I met you in person and knew that you didn't circ, I'd never be friends with you. Of course, I have some non Jewish friends who didn't and I'm absolutely fine with it. But a Jew not circumsizing? Horrible.

[Anonymous]

You wouldn't be friends with me if I didn't circumcise my son? Well, I guess that works out, because I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who would be so superficial and judgmental. Hope you enjoy sitting in your glass house and gnawing on your pig ribs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't find this persuasive. In fact, it is attitudes like yours that affirm my desire not to have a circumcision. I don't appreciate being bullied into doing something by my "community", nor do I believe that my child shouldn't be able to participate in Judaism just because of something his body does or doesn't have. I understand my husband's point of view but we are both the baby's parents so I don't see why I shouldn't have a say in the decision as well. There are lots of things that have been traditions in the past or that are supposedly "required" that we don't do anymore, and there are Jews who practice Judaism to varying degrees. I don't understand why so many other aspects of Judaism are flexible but this one is not. I don't believe in God, so the argument that God commanded something does not hold value for me. Some of the parts of Judaism that are valuable to me are the imperatives to be kind to others, to not harm others, and to ask questions and seek meaningful personal answers and decisions. In that sense, I think I am acting in alignment with Jewish values and with my own values by questioning whether circumcision is the right choice for our family.

Anonymous wrote:Just have the darn bris. It is a tradition that your husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc all were part of. There are a lot of things as parents we want to protect our kids from and I completely understand that but ths goes beyond that.

If you are Jewish and plan to raise your kid Jewish, just have the damn circumcision. Plus, didn't you say your husband wanted it? He has a penis and still would have it done...why overthnk this?

OP, by challenging dogma and thinking on your own feet you are showing higher Jewish values than many of the unquestioning PPs here.

Bullshit. I'm the one who said I eat spare ribs and only go to temple on Yom Kippur. Circumcision is non-negotiable. Do whatever you want- no one can convince you otherwise. I go to a reform synagogue and if I met you in person and knew that you didn't circ, I'd never be friends with you. Of course, I have some non Jewish friends who didn't and I'm absolutely fine with it. But a Jew not circumsizing? Horrible.

[Anonymous]

+1. That PP is the apogee of hypocrisy.

Anonymous wrote:You wouldn't be friends with me if I didn't circumcise my son? Well, I guess that works out, because I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who would be so superficial and judgmental. Hope you enjoy sitting in your glass house and gnawing on your pig ribs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't find this persuasive. In fact, it is attitudes like yours that affirm my desire not to have a circumcision. I don't appreciate being bullied into doing something by my "community", nor do I believe that my child shouldn't be able to participate in Judaism just because of something his body does or doesn't have. I understand my husband's point of view but we are both the baby's parents so I don't see why I shouldn't have a say in the decision as well. There are lots of things that have been traditions in the past or that are supposedly "required" that we don't do anymore, and there are Jews who practice Judaism to varying degrees. I don't understand why so many other aspects of Judaism are flexible but this one is not. I don't believe in God, so the argument that God commanded something does not hold value for me. Some of the parts of Judaism that are valuable to me are the imperatives to be kind to others, to not harm others, and to ask questions and seek meaningful personal answers and decisions. In that sense, I think I am acting in alignment with Jewish values and with my own values by questioning whether circumcision is the right choice for our family.

Anonymous wrote:Just have the darn bris. It is a tradition that your husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc all were part of. There are a lot of things as parents we want to protect our kids from and I completely understand that but ths goes beyond that.

If you are Jewish and plan to raise your kid Jewish, just have the damn circumcision. Plus, didn't you say your husband wanted it? He has a penis and still would have it done...why overthnk this?

OP, by challenging dogma and thinking on your own feet you are showing higher Jewish values than many of the unquestioning PPs here.

Bullshit. I'm the one who said I eat spare ribs and only go to temple on Yom Kippur. Circumcision is non-negotiable. Do whatever you want- no one can convince you otherwise. I go to a reform synagogue and if I met you in person and knew that you didn't circ, I'd never be friends with you. Of course, I have some non Jewish friends who didn't and I'm absolutely fine with it. But a Jew not circumsizing? Horrible.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't be friends with you and I think you'll be suprised by how much pushback you get at your shul. A Jew who doesn't circumsize is telling.

[Anonymous]

Why would this come up its a shul? If you are active enough in synagogue to b such good friends with other families to the extent that it would come up, you would probably be religiously observant enough to circumcise.

I am pro-Bris if it's important to you, but we choose to socialize with other observant jews (in terms of our friends that are Jews) because we are. Even then, I don't think I'd know one way or the other...I wouldn't ask...and its none of my business just like it isn't their business what I do. I think the only people who care are 1) on DCUM 2) people who will try you did something wrong (regardless of your decision) and 3) possibly your sons future Jewish spouse.

I hope you have found a rabbi that you can talk to about this if you wanted to actually talk to them about it!

[Anonymous]

Telling of what?

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn't be friends with you and I think you'll be suprised by how much pushback you get at your shul. A Jew who doesn't circumsize is telling.

[Anonymous]

The only way it would come up is if someone asked for a rec for a mohel and the person said, "We didn't circumcise so I don't have one."

It's telling because a bris is the covenant between man and g-d, it's a must, an absolute for us. I can't help but jump to assumptions about this person. Are they pro-Israel? Are they supportive of Jewish causes around the world? Are they doing their part to keep Judiasm alive in the US, where it is currently dying? If the answer is no to these questions, no I would not associate with that person.

Did I like sitting there while my two DSs had the procedure while all of my family and friends ate lox and bagel and wishes us mazel tov? Hell no. I was shaking the whole time and my husband was white as a ghost.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. You are being silly. Find a Rabbi who will tell you what you want to hear and just listen to that. Isn't that what you're asking for?

Yes, as Jews, we should be more tolerant of others. But you are asking us to overlook a major part of our religion. We should all be striving to continue our faith, not diminish it. By omitting this major life event from YOURS and your sons life, you are diminishing our religion. I might still be friends with someone who didn't circumcise their son but not someone who didn't for stupid reasons.

[Anonymous]

Throughout history of anti semitism, pogroms, holocaust, the inquisition, etc we tried to assimilate as much as possible, but there is one thing that is universal to all secular Jews and that's circumcision. I do not believe in god or belong to a temple, however my boys were circumcised just like their father, uncles, grandfathers, and all of their male forefathers. Circumcision marks the first period in the bible where we begin to identify as Jews, its a bond not just with god, but a tie between father and son. Your husband has just as much say in this as you do, and you are denying him the option to unite your child to his ancestors. No one here really cares what you end up doing, I doubt that your son will care in the future, however if your son will ever decide to become observant he will have trouble reconciling not being circumcised and finding an accepting temple. Please make your decision in private with your husband and family but remember that throughout history the most distinguishing feature that unites us as a community even when we were spread out in the world was circumcision.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, pps. You hit the nail on the head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't find this persuasive. In fact, it is attitudes like yours that affirm my desire not to have a circumcision. I don't appreciate being bullied into doing something by my "community", nor do I believe that my child shouldn't be able to participate in Judaism just because of something his body does or doesn't have. I understand my husband's point of view but we are both the baby's parents so I don't see why I shouldn't have a say in the decision as well. There are lots of things that have been traditions in the past or that are supposedly "required" that we don't do anymore, and there are Jews who practice Judaism to varying degrees. I don't understand why so many other aspects of Judaism are flexible but this one is not. I don't believe in God, so the argument that God commanded something does not hold value for me. Some of the parts of Judaism that are valuable to me are the imperatives to be kind to others, to not harm others, and to ask questions and seek meaningful personal answers and decisions. In that sense, I think I am acting in alignment with Jewish values and with my own values by questioning whether circumcision is the right choice for our family.

Anonymous wrote:Just have the darn bris. It is a tradition that your husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc all were part of. There are a lot of things as parents we want to protect our kids from and I completely understand that but ths goes beyond that.

If you are Jewish and plan to raise your kid Jewish, just have the damn circumcision. Plus, didn't you say your husband wanted it? He has a penis and still would have it done...why overthnk this?

OP, by challenging dogma and thinking on your own feet you are showing higher Jewish values than many of the unquestioning PPs here.

Bullshit. I'm the one who said I eat spare ribs and only go to temple on Yom Kippur. Circumcision is non-negotiable. Do whatever you want- no one can convince you otherwise. I go to a reform synagogue and if I met you in person and knew that you didn't circ, I'd never be friends with you. Of course, I have some non Jewish friends who didn't and I'm absolutely fine with it. But a Jew not circumsizing? Horrible.

Pp, you are utterly ridiculous. You would base a friendship on whether someone's child is circumcised? You are not a friend for me. Stay away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Throughout history of anti semitism, pogroms, holocaust, the inquisition, etc we tried to assimilate as much as possible, but there is one thing that is universal to all secular Jews and that's circumcision. I do not believe in god or belong to a temple, however my boys were circumcised just like their father, uncles, grandfathers, and all of their male forefathers. Circumcision marks the first period in the bible where we begin to identify as Jews, its a bond not just with god, but a tie between father and son. Your husband has just as much say in this as you do, and you are denying him the option to unite your child to his ancestors. No one here really cares what you end up doing, I doubt that your son will care in the future, however if your son will ever decide to become observant he will have trouble reconciling not being circumcised and finding an accepting temple. Please make your decision in private with your husband and family but remember that throughout history the most distinguishing feature that unites us as a community even when we were spread out in the world was circumcision.

That is quite a shocking statement... I wonder if all Jews feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only way it would come up is if someone asked for a rec for a mohel and the person said, "We didn't circumcise so I don't have one."

It's telling because a bris is the covenant between man and g-d, it's a must, an absolute for us. I can't help but jump to assumptions about this person. Are they pro-Israel? Are they supportive of Jewish causes around the world? Are they doing their part to keep Judiasm alive in the US, where it is currently dying? If the answer is no to these questions, no I would not associate with that person.

Did I like sitting there while my two DSs had the procedure while all of my family and friends ate lox and bagel and wishes us mazel tov? Hell no. I was shaking the whole time and my husband was white as a ghost.

So sad.