To Those SAH Parents Who Want to Now Enter The Workforce

[Anonymous]

"Okay, this thread is out of control. How is the OP a bad writer? It seems to me like some people cannot stand the idea of someone being encouraging so are looking for phantom aspects to attack."

DCUM have more than a few experts who can parse OP's prose.

OP's post did not strike me as being written by a well educated person. Frankly, I guessed that she was a clerical worker, with blue collar roots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP - Hope your job doesn't involve writing. Your writing skills are very poor and you don't seem very bright.


ha ha - I am actually a litigator.

In my experience, these things are not mutually exclusive by any means.

OP must have attended a third/fourth/fifth tier law school.

Okay, this thread is out of control. How is the OP a bad writer? It seems to me like some people cannot stand the idea of someone being encouraging so are looking for phantom aspects to attack.

What's wrong with you people? I am a WOHM and I thought the OP's intent was nice. What offense did she commit to generate such petulant, unfounded attacks?

Because she's lying. She's a SAHM trying to motivate others, which is fine on its own, but not in this weird roundabout way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Okay, this thread is out of control. How is the OP a bad writer? It seems to me like some people cannot stand the idea of someone being encouraging so are looking for phantom aspects to attack."

DCUM have more than a few experts who can parse OP's prose.

OP's post did not strike me as being written by a well educated person. Frankly, I guessed that she was a clerical worker, with blue collar roots.

Your assholery shines through. Clerical or blue collar workers are perfectly capable of constructing adequate prose. I have certainly seen enough well-educated ninnies on this site who can't write for shit.

Even if that were the case, that she is some peon and not a high and mighty litigator, how is it relevant to pick at grammatically correct, if not awe inspiring prose?

It's still a personal attack that contributes NOTHING to the conversation. Oh wait, it does. At least one poster accused her of being a SAHM and several other accused her of being stupid, which invalidates her opinion that SAHMs should be hopeful when re-entering the workforce.

Right. Assholes.

[Anonymous]

^ your evidence that she is lying is that you don't like her writing? So by extension all SAHMs are bad writers and all WOHM are Shakespeare? Sure.

Believe it or not, not every WOHM has an axe to grind with SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is correct. I just went back to work after being home for a few years. I was VERY lucky to find a female boss who saw another mom as "fearless and strong"-her words
She has been great and understanding to the challenges we all face.
She is over 60 though so maybe she has calmed down a bit over the years.

This is OP. Good for you. To the person who said I was really an SAH. No I am not. I am an attorney - a prosecutor to be exact. However my mom was an SAH and so is my sister. It takes guts to decide to put your career on hold for your family's sake and I wish people would acknowledge that when it comes to SAH parents. It also takes organization, discipline and an inordinate amount of patience. I wish it was easier for them to re-enter the workforce and sadly I think it's female bosses who are especially hard on SAH parents. As women, if we want our daughters and sons to have better choices without all of the angst that we have had to deal with, then we need to lay the groundwork in our own generation by not being such assholes about parents who decided to SAH.

I'm the poster who posted her schedule. How does it take "guts" for many SAHMs to make the decision to stay home? I believe just the opposite. It takes guts to build a career and manage a family. Have you met the SAHMs in my neighborhood? The majority of them are not organized or disciplined by their own admission! Not sure about patient, but my goodness with no outside pressure or deadlines I'm not sure how much patience they really need.

I want my son and daughter to have choices of which career they choose and I am laying the groundwork for them to understand how they can have career/family/life balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow somebody on here is a little bit, umm, type-A to say the least.
I.am.a.robot
Glad it works for you pp but not sure I would want that same military style life for my family

If that's what you think I am or how my family is run than you simply don't understand or you think you could never do it. We don't have a military style life at all! I have more free time with my family and kids than a lot of people simply because we are organized, instilled responsibility in our kids from a very early age, and have routines that get us through what most consider the "crazy" times of the week. It's not crazy for us because everyone contributes and has a role. Meal times, getting the kids out of the house, bed time, etc aren't stressful and time consuming because of these routine and expectations. That leaves a lot of down time for us as a family, on our own, and as a couple.

If you have all of that I would love to hear about your typical day. I'm always open for ways we can improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't give up looking for a job! It may take awhile but it is doable. In general, the market sucks right now so even those with jobs have difficulty finding work. After my child was born, I did not SAH but there were definitely times when I wished that I had and I totally respect and understand if someone made a different decision than I did. Please don't think that ALL employers will look negatively on your decision to stay home. Even though I did not do it, if someone that I really liked was a SAH, that would not deter me from hiring the person. As someone who has had to hire people before, I like employees that are good at what they do but also value quality of life and outside activities. The fact that you SAH shows me you have this quality. Anyhow, GOOD LUCK!!!

I appreciate that you are trying to give encouragement, but my guess is that you are in the minority. A woman who has been organized and motivated enough to both have a career and a family will always score more points in my book than a SAHM when making hiring decisions. Add in someone who is healthy and active and I give double credit.

So you do realize that calling all SAHMs disorganized and unmotivated just makes you look stupid, right? PP, go ahead, get out there and meet some mom friends! You can do it!! There is a whole world out there outside your cubicle!!

I didn't call all SAHMs disorganized or unmotivated, but I do know many that are. Thanks for the name calling, though, because that surely gives credit to your point. Why would you think I don't have mom friends? All of my friends are moms. And I have an office, thank you very much.

[Anonymous]

How does calling folks assholes contribute to the conversation?

[Anonymous]

I don't have a problem with OP's sentiment. In general, however, employers aren't looking for someone that "values quality of life and outside activities." They are looking for the best qualified person to do the job that isn't obnoxious or crazy. In some cases, it is entirely possible that that would be a former SAHM.
I do agree that OP's writing is poor, and also think it is ridiculous to brag about being an attorney. Lots of people are (myself included), and it really isn't some exclusive club of terrifically smart good writers. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Let me guess, you're an SEB? (Self-entitled B*&%$). People like you give DC a bad name.

Anonymous wrote:"Okay, this thread is out of control. How is the OP a bad writer? It seems to me like some people cannot stand the idea of someone being encouraging so are looking for phantom aspects to attack."

DCUM have more than a few experts who can parse OP's prose.

OP's post did not strike me as being written by a well educated person. Frankly, I guessed that she was a clerical worker, with blue collar roots.

[Anonymous]

This is the most random and pointless pep talk thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't give up looking for a job! It may take awhile but it is doable. In general, the market sucks right now so even those with jobs have difficulty finding work. After my child was born, I did not SAH but there were definitely times when I wished that I had and I totally respect and understand if someone made a different decision than I did. Please don't think that ALL employers will look negatively on your decision to stay home. Even though I did not do it, if someone that I really liked was a SAH, that would not deter me from hiring the person. As someone who has had to hire people before, I like employees that are good at what they do but also value quality of life and outside activities. The fact that you SAH shows me you have this quality. Anyhow, GOOD LUCK!!!

I appreciate that you are trying to give encouragement, but my guess is that you are in the minority. A woman who has been organized and motivated enough to both have a career and a family will always score more points in my book than a SAHM when making hiring decisions. Add in someone who is healthy and active and I give double credit.

Why?

Because they're doing two jobs at once. Obviously. Not to mention continuing to be intellectually stimulated and a financial provider. How is that not clear? (not the PP you're responding to by the way)

I am the pp and I agree with this poster. I have earned a masters while working f/t while having a my first DC. I now have 2 DC and my DH works f/t also. We also manage to work out 5-6 days a week and I coach a team that my oldest is on. I know how hard I work and how organized I have to be and I respect those characteristics.

Please share your schedule! Would love to see how you manage to work this out - when do you work out, for example? Every day before work? After work? Who watches your children while you're working and working out? When do you go to school? Before work? After work?

So curious. After all, there are only so many hours in a day. How many hours do you spend with your kids on an average weekday?

Well, first off I'm not in school any more.

Some of the weekly prep stuff we do: To make mornings run smooth, on Sat/Sun I have all of the kids outfits for the week already picked out and pulled together. They hang on a low rung in their closets separated by hanger dividers so they can get themselves dressed each morning. On Sunday mornings, while everyone is eating breakfast, we make a weekly meal plan together. This includes breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. The kids and I also prep any food we can ahead of time - waffle batter, cut up veggies, make a batch of chili, etc. I also make lunches the night before while making dinner, which are quick since we prepped a lot on the weekend. We also do a few household chores each day so we don't have a messy/dirty house to clean on the weekend (more free time on the weekend).

I get up at 5am and my youngest usually gets up and we talk while I get ready for work. I'm at my office by 6am. My oldest calls me every morning to chat for a few minutes before heading off to school. My DH husband goes in fairly late, so he has time to make a nice breakfast and eat with the kids, play and spend one-on-one time with them, and get the oldest off to school. Then he has more time to spend one-on-one with the youngest before he takes him in to his home daycare and heads to work. He also throws in a load of laundry and lays it out on the bed for me to fold when I get home. He loads the dishwasher with breakfast dishes and runs it (has dinner dishes in it from the night before) and one or two other chores - e.g., sweeps/mops main floor. The kids also have a few chores that they do in the morning and the evenings. Mainly keeping their own rooms clean, beds made, one gathers the laundry, the other empties garbage cans. They put their own clothes away in drawers (the oldest has started hanging clothes as well).

Each evening is a little different but three of the days when I get off (330p) I pick up each kid and head straight to the gym. I do strength training for an hour. The kids go to the playroom at the gym. By this time the youngest has been in daycare for only 5hrs (a home daycare where they've been since 9 weeks old - so they are like family) and the oldest has been in a full school day. We leave the gym and come home and make dinner together, pack lunches together (I find they're more likely to eat when they've helped plan the menu and make/pack the food). If the oldest has homework that's done at the kitchen table while the youngest and I make dinner. Dinner usually take under 30 minutes because we've prepped and thawed out everything we need. Then play time, baths, storytime, and bed. After they go to bed I jump in the shower, check email, and do a household chore or two. I've emptied the dishwasher and loaded it back with dinner dishes. I've taken care of the mail - immediately gets shredded, filed to be paid, pinned on family schedule board, or filed to be scanned. All school paperwork is taken care of immediately as well - forms signed, money in an envelope, etc and straight back in backpack.

Another day I come straight home and coach my oldest on a team, then we go back and get the youngest (his longer day at home daycare) and that is my day off at the gym. We start the afternoon/evening routine.

The final day I take a class at the gym and it's late so my DH is usually home and the kids in bed by the time I go. Rest of the evening is the same. I always shower in the evening so my mornings are fast getting out the door. I also group my clothes together for the week. When I get out of my showers in the evening I lay out any under garments and jewelry (this makes it faster but also less disturbing to my sleeping DH).

Friday night is family movie or family game night - kids choice. On the weekend our kids have a few activities, but they are not over-scheduled so we have lots of free time. The house is mainly clean and tidy. I take an early morning class at the gym on Sat and a little later one on Sun. So I get in 3 days of weight training and 3 days of cardio.

I recognize that our exact schedule wouldn't work for many other families, but we sat down and looked at the things we can't/aren't changing - my DH's work schedule is not flexible, but mine is. We decided it's nice for the kids to get one-on-one time with each parent so I go in really early which also limits the time they are in daycare and I get one-on-one time as well. We focus "family" time for the few evenings DH is home a little early and the weekends. I also read up on several blogs and mags on organizing tips - both physical organization and routines.

Great post, PP. I'm impressed by how organized you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the pp and I agree with this poster. I have earned a masters while working f/t while having a my first DC. I now have 2 DC and my DH works f/t also. We also manage to work out 5-6 days a week and I coach a team that my oldest is on. I know how hard I work and how organized I have to be and I respect those characteristics.

Yeah but being type-A and being super-organized and driven are NOT the qualities needed in every job. Certainly not in my career. Maybe your approach is suited to the world of lobbyists and lawyers etc., but you do realize there is life outside corporate America, right?

This is the absolute nub of it. If you're looking to go back to work as a teacher or social worker or typical woman friendly job, I can see how this would turn people off. But for those of us in corporate America, those ARE the necessary qualities. And I'm not really interested in discussing women who SAH and then went back to jobs making five figures. Who really cares in that case either way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the pp and I agree with this poster. I have earned a masters while working f/t while having a my first DC. I now have 2 DC and my DH works f/t also. We also manage to work out 5-6 days a week and I coach a team that my oldest is on. I know how hard I work and how organized I have to be and I respect those characteristics.

Yeah but being type-A and being super-organized and driven are NOT the qualities needed in every job. Certainly not in my career. Maybe your approach is suited to the world of lobbyists and lawyers etc., but you do realize there is life outside corporate America, right?

This is the absolute nub of it. If you're looking to go back to work as a teacher or social worker or typical woman friendly job, I can see how this would turn people off. But for those of us in corporate America, those ARE the necessary qualities. And I'm not really interested in discussing women who SAH and then went back to jobs making five figures. Who really cares in that case either way?

Ouch. I'm the PP you quoted, why don't those of us who make five figures count in this discussion? Only the rich matter? Us middle class losers struggle with the SAHM/WOHM dynamic as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the pp and I agree with this poster. I have earned a masters while working f/t while having a my first DC. I now have 2 DC and my DH works f/t also. We also manage to work out 5-6 days a week and I coach a team that my oldest is on. I know how hard I work and how organized I have to be and I respect those characteristics.

Yeah but being type-A and being super-organized and driven are NOT the qualities needed in every job. Certainly not in my career. Maybe your approach is suited to the world of lobbyists and lawyers etc., but you do realize there is life outside corporate America, right?

This is the absolute nub of it. If you're looking to go back to work as a teacher or social worker or typical woman friendly job, I can see how this would turn people off. But for those of us in corporate America, those ARE the necessary qualities. And I'm not really interested in discussing women who SAH and then went back to jobs making five figures. Who really cares in that case either way?

Ouch. I'm the PP you quoted, why don't those of us who make five figures count in this discussion? Only the rich matter? Us middle class losers struggle with the SAHM/WOHM dynamic as well.

Schedule poster here. While the last poster is a little harsh, I guess what she's trying to say is that those of us in fields with a longer career ladder to climb would find it hard to hire someone that has stayed home for several/many years in a position that the rest of us have worked much longer to get into. We've worked hard at the family/work balance and never took a break from that committment. We've also mastered the work/life balance issue now or at least we are used to the decisions that need to be made throughout the year (days off, sick kids, etc) and it would be hard to imagine that a SAHM newly back in the workforce isn't going to struggle with those issues and probably at the detriment of her work performance.