Anyone find it hard to give up the DINK lifestyle to have kids?

[Anonymous]

I'm sad because I clicked thinking the "DINK lifestyle" must be some kind of kinky fetish thing.

Yawn.

[Anonymous]

I miss some things, but I wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world. And we'll still be in our early 50s when they're done with college, so we can get back to traveling and fancy dinners and sleeping in then. Not that I'm in a hurry, I love things the way they are now. It helps that we get opportunities to do date nights and weekends away without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do miss my DINK life at times, but also realize that I had outgrown it.

OP here. How did you know that you had outgrown the DINK lifestyle? What if you feel you haven't outgrown the DINK lifestyle yet? Should you just go ahead and have kids if you're already in your mid-30's or should you wait until you feel you've outgrown it? I haven't gotten to the point of feeling bored of the DINK lifestyle yet, probably because I feel that even though DH and I have been married a long time, we haven't gotten to spend that much quality married time together because of DH's long hours and stressful job (70 hour weeks plus some weekends).

[Anonymous]

OP, sometimes you just have to take a leap of educated faith.

i was pushing 35 and realized i would regret not having children more so than if i had them. knowing my time was limited, i just went for it. and yes it's hard, but i can't imagine life without my child. i am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her.

what do i miss? sleep!!!

[Anonymous]

I had a hard time giving up the SINK (single income, no kids) life to have my daughter.

I can honestly say that it's worth it. I love my kid more than I liked the life i gave up. But sometimes it's a very, very close call. There are so many things I miss about my carefree child-free life. Most of the time, my daughter gets the edge. (though occasionally when she's being very Terrible Three, I'm more wistful than usual.)

remember that you can always stop at 1. I think my life with 1 is easier than a lot of peoples' lives with 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a hard time giving up the SINK (single income, no kids) life to have my daughter.

I can honestly say that it's worth it. I love my kid more than I liked the life i gave up. But sometimes it's a very, very close call. There are so many things I miss about my carefree child-free life. Most of the time, my daughter gets the edge. (though occasionally when she's being very Terrible Three, I'm more wistful than usual.)

remember that you can always stop at 1. I think my life with 1 is easier than a lot of peoples' lives with 2.

OP here. We would only have one, I know one child is all I could handle. Also because we have no family anywhere near here (our families are on the West Coast, so visits are infrequent).

[Anonymous]

We stopped at one partly because we started late (married at 25, kid at 35, so yes we liked our DINK life) and partly because it seems significantly easier to travel, eat out, go to plays etc. with one.

It was very tough in the day to day sense for a few years (we have almost no family around) but it is a pretty special thing and we keep having more fun and getting more joy out of it.

[Anonymous]

A few of my close friends are DINKs and now that they have turned 40, I think they will stay that way. I do envy their lives sometimes. They have amazing careers, travel, exercise a lot, and really enjoy their lives. Of course I love my children and wouldn't trade them, but I have to say that I can see that having kids is not for everyone. I can't imagine not having them, but they are an anchor, a major expense, and a frequent source of aggravation and guilt. My friends are entirely free of those things. Again, I Chose those things and have no regrets, but having kids is not easy and frequently not fun. I can see the appeal of the DINK life.

And by the way, anyone who reads magazines or newspapers knows what a DINK is.

[Anonymous]

I can see the appeal of the DINK lifestyle now, but looking into the future I think I'd be quite sad to not have a family when I'm in my 50s and 60s. Especially since I am an only child, and DH is estranged from his siblings, so we have a small family as it is.

[Anonymous]

Ah, but mo' money, mo' problems. Kids are a huge expense regardless of what you make. Between what we pay for private school and for household help, we could feeed and house about four other families. I have never, for one second, regretted having my kids, even the second (unplanned) one. But we do sometimes think about how we could have both retired to some island by now if we weren't spending the GDP of Luxembourg every year on various things for them - school, camp, nanny, activities, clothes, etc. Yet, I'm not going to make that kind of money and not spend it on them. It's a self-made conundrum, I realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do miss my DINK life at times, but also realize that I had outgrown it.

OP here. How did you know that you had outgrown the DINK lifestyle? What if you feel you haven't outgrown the DINK lifestyle yet? Should you just go ahead and have kids if you're already in your mid-30's or should you wait until you feel you've outgrown it? I haven't gotten to the point of feeling bored of the DINK lifestyle yet, probably because I feel that even though DH and I have been married a long time, we haven't gotten to spend that much quality married time together because of DH's long hours and stressful job (70 hour weeks plus some weekends).

OP, no, you shouldn't have kids just because you are in your mid-30s.

It sounds like your husband works long hours and you don't feel you have seen a lot of him, traveled enough with him, and done all the things you want to do. He won't suddenly have more time to spend with you if you have kids! You haven't outgrown your DINK lifestyle and it sounds like that lifestyle is quite important to you.

I don't think you should try to have children until your heart is really pulling you to do so. yes, that might mean that having chidlren won't be something you do. But that's OK!

[Anonymous]

We make triple what we did when we were DINKS. We have more now that we could have imagined back then. It is a wonderful feeling to know you can give your children all the opportunity in the world, it far elipses the DINK lifestyle.

No one can fully grasp the rewards of having childre until they actually have them. Sorry, no one can help you here.

[Anonymous]

Wait, 00:01, you are not suggesting you make triple now because you had kids, are you? I'm mo' money from above, and we make a good bit more than double what we did when we had our first, but I think I would be making about five times as much if I had not derailed my career a bit by having kids when I did. I think income growth is expected in any career path, isn't it?

Anyway, back to OP's question...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a hard time giving up the SINK (single income, no kids) life to have my daughter.

I can honestly say that it's worth it. I love my kid more than I liked the life i gave up. But sometimes it's a very, very close call. There are so many things I miss about my carefree child-free life. Most of the time, my daughter gets the edge. (though occasionally when she's being very Terrible Three, I'm more wistful than usual.)

remember that you can always stop at 1. I think my life with 1 is easier than a lot of peoples' lives with 2.

Do you have an income now?

[Anonymous]

Have kids if you want to have kids. It isn't about "giving up a lifestyle", it's about whether or not you want to raise a child. If you do, then yes, you will need to do it soon, and you may miss some aspects of your current lifestyle.

I was married for 7 years before kids. I enjoyed the freedom to travel, to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted...but I was ready to give up a lot of that freedom in order to have a family. It has been more than worth it to me, but you have to figure out if it's worth it to you. Since you seem to talk a lot about lifestyle and not so much about a desire for kids, I would suspect that you may not want to have a child. Nothing wrong with that, if that's the case, own it and enjoy your life!