Toxic Coach

[Anonymous]

We have a toxic coach now. Vote with your feet. That's what I'm doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a toxic coach now. Vote with your feet. That's what I'm doing.

The main reason some people stay with a toxic coach (although not the only reason) is because they can’t get on another team at the same level or atleast fear that their child cannot. It’s sad but many parents take the abuse from coaches to their DC because they think it’s the best they can do and don’t want to play for a lower level on another club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a toxic coach now. Vote with your feet. That's what I'm doing.

The main reason some people stay with a toxic coach (although not the only reason) is because they can’t get on another team at the same level or atleast fear that their child cannot. It’s sad but many parents take the abuse from coaches to their DC because they think it’s the best they can do and don’t want to play for a lower level on another club.

💯 Talent doesn’t tolerate abuse. If you’re staying, it’s for the wrong reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a toxic coach now. Vote with your feet. That's what I'm doing.

The main reason some people stay with a toxic coach (although not the only reason) is because they can’t get on another team at the same level or atleast fear that their child cannot. It’s sad but many parents take the abuse from coaches to their DC because they think it’s the best they can do and don’t want to play for a lower level on another club.

I am convinced this is why half of the players on DC‘s team stayed. The ones who could make a similar level team left, including DC. Ironically, the team gained a few strong players from another club because of the challenges that club was having. So I’m sure the toxic coach was happy that the departures made room for these kids. But I wonder how those parents feel about the coach. Lucky for them there is a different coach if they stick around for another year whereas we felt there was no choice but to leave because the same coach was sticking with the team for another year.

[Anonymous]

I think you also have to account for the concept that "abuse" is an over used word in our current culture as is "toxic". Some of these kids and parents are snowflakes that just don't like anything they don't like/feel they deserve special treatment and attention to their feelings and emotions.

We currently have a "toxic coach" that simply would have been previously categorized as an "assho!e" back in the 90s. I don't need him or what the club is selling but I also account for how terribly sensitive we all are as parents these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you also have to account for the concept that "abuse" is an over used word in our current culture as is "toxic". Some of these kids and parents are snowflakes that just don't like anything they don't like/feel they deserve special treatment and attention to their feelings and emotions.

We currently have a "toxic coach" that simply would have been previously categorized as an "assho!e" back in the 90s. I don't need him or what the club is selling but I also account for how terribly sensitive we all are as parents these days.

Or here’s an idea… you can want more for your kids than how we were treated by coaches in the 90s. We have all these resources at our fingertips nowadays. Don’t you think coaches could spend 30 minutes reading up on how to communicate with children in a way that motivates them and helps them learn? It’s not about being sensitive. It’s expecting someone who is being paid to do the most basic task of not psychologically harming the children they are working with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you also have to account for the concept that "abuse" is an over used word in our current culture as is "toxic". Some of these kids and parents are snowflakes that just don't like anything they don't like/feel they deserve special treatment and attention to their feelings and emotions.

We currently have a "toxic coach" that simply would have been previously categorized as an "assho!e" back in the 90s. I don't need him or what the club is selling but I also account for how terribly sensitive we all are as parents these days.

Why would any parent tolerate an assho!e coach for their kid when they don’t have to? Sounds like only an assho!e parent would do this.

[Anonymous]

The only way to offset the kind of damage this person may be doing to your DD is to protect her. You can try escalating but if he is truly abusive, it may make things considerably worse for your kid. Otherwise, you protect her by leaving whether it means playing at a less desirable level/club. It is showing her that her well-being is the most important thing.

Many girls with these types of experiences during their teens end up with serious self esteem issues, eating disorders, injuries, anxiety and depression. It sounds like your gut is telling you this is a big red flag and it's time to show your kid you love her and will be there for her (even if it's not easy!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you also have to account for the concept that "abuse" is an over used word in our current culture as is "toxic". Some of these kids and parents are snowflakes that just don't like anything they don't like/feel they deserve special treatment and attention to their feelings and emotions.

We currently have a "toxic coach" that simply would have been previously categorized as an "assho!e" back in the 90s. I don't need him or what the club is selling but I also account for how terribly sensitive we all are as parents these days.

Why would any parent tolerate an assho!e coach for their kid when they don’t have to? Sounds like only an assho!e parent would do this.

Because they will have to deal with adversity in their lives and difficult people, like you for me in this very moment. Falling apart at the first sign of discomfort isn't an option. At least not in my world. But hey. Raise yours how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you also have to account for the concept that "abuse" is an over used word in our current culture as is "toxic". Some of these kids and parents are snowflakes that just don't like anything they don't like/feel they deserve special treatment and attention to their feelings and emotions.

We currently have a "toxic coach" that simply would have been previously categorized as an "assho!e" back in the 90s. I don't need him or what the club is selling but I also account for how terribly sensitive we all are as parents these days.

Why would any parent tolerate an assho!e coach for their kid when they don’t have to? Sounds like only an assho!e parent would do this.

Be self aware enough to understand that the assho!e label is in the eye of the beholder. From your unwarranted tone, I presume that you are judgmental and probably soft as he!!. Good luck with that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you also have to account for the concept that "abuse" is an over used word in our current culture as is "toxic". Some of these kids and parents are snowflakes that just don't like anything they don't like/feel they deserve special treatment and attention to their feelings and emotions.

We currently have a "toxic coach" that simply would have been previously categorized as an "assho!e" back in the 90s. I don't need him or what the club is selling but I also account for how terribly sensitive we all are as parents these days.

Or here’s an idea… you can want more for your kids than how we were treated by coaches in the 90s. We have all these resources at our fingertips nowadays. Don’t you think coaches could spend 30 minutes reading up on how to communicate with children in a way that motivates them and helps them learn? It’s not about being sensitive. It’s expecting someone who is being paid to do the most basic task of not psychologically harming the children they are working with.

I agree with everything you are saying on the coach's side. I think where we part is on what my response should be. I want my DC to understand that everyone isn't going to treat them fairly or even nicely. It's a tough world out here and it's getting even tougher. This is guided struggle. For me, that's a part of my job as a responsible parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you also have to account for the concept that "abuse" is an over used word in our current culture as is "toxic". Some of these kids and parents are snowflakes that just don't like anything they don't like/feel they deserve special treatment and attention to their feelings and emotions.

We currently have a "toxic coach" that simply would have been previously categorized as an "assho!e" back in the 90s. I don't need him or what the club is selling but I also account for how terribly sensitive we all are as parents these days.

Or here’s an idea… you can want more for your kids than how we were treated by coaches in the 90s. We have all these resources at our fingertips nowadays. Don’t you think coaches could spend 30 minutes reading up on how to communicate with children in a way that motivates them and helps them learn? It’s not about being sensitive. It’s expecting someone who is being paid to do the most basic task of not psychologically harming the children they are working with.

I agree with everything you are saying on the coach's side. I think where we part is on what my response should be. I want my DC to understand that everyone isn't going to treat them fairly or even nicely. It's a tough world out here and it's getting even tougher. This is guided struggle. For me, that's a part of my job as a responsible parent.

You can teach that lesson just based on what may have already gone on before you knew it was toxic. You don’t purposely keep them in a situation where they are being mistreated. That’s not guided struggle — that’s teaching your kid that you won’t help them even when it’s well within your capability to do so. Why trust you after that? Guided struggle is being in a tough math class or trying out for a team you don’t make, not staying in a bad situation when there is an option to leave. You’re just teaching your kid to put up with mistreatment, when what you should be teaching is that they should value themselves enough to walk away from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you also have to account for the concept that "abuse" is an over used word in our current culture as is "toxic". Some of these kids and parents are snowflakes that just don't like anything they don't like/feel they deserve special treatment and attention to their feelings and emotions.

We currently have a "toxic coach" that simply would have been previously categorized as an "assho!e" back in the 90s. I don't need him or what the club is selling but I also account for how terribly sensitive we all are as parents these days.

Why would any parent tolerate an assho!e coach for their kid when they don’t have to? Sounds like only an assho!e parent would do this.

Be self aware enough to understand that the assho!e label is in the eye of the beholder. From your unwarranted tone, I presume that you are judgmental and probably soft as he!!. Good luck with that!

^Found the toxic coach… or maybe just a toxic parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you also have to account for the concept that "abuse" is an over used word in our current culture as is "toxic". Some of these kids and parents are snowflakes that just don't like anything they don't like/feel they deserve special treatment and attention to their feelings and emotions.

We currently have a "toxic coach" that simply would have been previously categorized as an "assho!e" back in the 90s. I don't need him or what the club is selling but I also account for how terribly sensitive we all are as parents these days.

Why would any parent tolerate an assho!e coach for their kid when they don’t have to? Sounds like only an assho!e parent would do this.

Because they will have to deal with adversity in their lives and difficult people, like you for me in this very moment. Falling apart at the first sign of discomfort isn't an option. At least not in my world. But hey. Raise yours how you feel.

Nah you have to teach young girls self respect and to walk away from abusive, toxic jerks asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you also have to account for the concept that "abuse" is an over used word in our current culture as is "toxic". Some of these kids and parents are snowflakes that just don't like anything they don't like/feel they deserve special treatment and attention to their feelings and emotions.

We currently have a "toxic coach" that simply would have been previously categorized as an "assho!e" back in the 90s. I don't need him or what the club is selling but I also account for how terribly sensitive we all are as parents these days.

Why would any parent tolerate an assho!e coach for their kid when they don’t have to? Sounds like only an assho!e parent would do this.

Because they will have to deal with adversity in their lives and difficult people, like you for me in this very moment. Falling apart at the first sign of discomfort isn't an option. At least not in my world. But hey. Raise yours how you feel.

Nah you have to teach young girls self respect and to walk away from abusive, toxic jerks asap.

And boys! They may not internalize it as much but still not good for them.