Weird living situation of dating partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What job takes a man out of town every weekday, every week, and only back home on the weekends All The Time? I’m calling BS on that set up at least. Even truckers, oil riggers, coal miners don’t live like that.

On another note, she’s entangled with and still married to her husband. Your instinct to balk is corrext. He, the kids, and the dogs will always come before you and rightfully so.

I think she is playing them both and probably have a lot of shame about it. Looks like she is the one with low self esteem and can't make a decision or commitment towards the new partner and want best of both worlds. Staying at your exs house after you're legally separated and having your own apartment is disgusting. You do have a choice, OP. I know I wouldn't entertain someone low-class like this.

Disgusting? OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dating partner lives like 1+ hrs away from Northern Virginia and has her own apartment. She is legally separated from her ex but also goes to his house during the weekday to take care of dogs. He works out of town and only comes during the weekends when she goes to her apartment. This arrangement seems weird to me and Exs shouldn't be going to each other's house in or behind their presence. I asked her and she responded with a reason to take care of dogs. She is 44 and have two adult daughters in college.

I feel like you would never move on if you are in each other's lives this much.

It's not weird but you don't have to like it. Find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is the dog-walker. She is not hooking up with ex. She also won't be hooking up with you soon, because of her age.
Have fun until she loses all need for it.

You must be a man. This myth that all women lose interest in sex as the age is going to make you all even lonelier than you already are.

[Anonymous]

The big question is, how's the sex?
If it's good, carry on.
If not, move on.

[Anonymous]

This wouldn’t bother me. If she wanted to be with her ex, she would be. I’m sure she considers the dogs hers and feels like they have joint custody.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you... asked her about this? told her it makes you feel uncomfortable?

If you haven't, that would be step one. Maybe her response will be "I plan to do this forever, like it or lump it," in which case, you have more information.

Maybe she says, "Yes, this is kind of weird, I don't plan to do this forever but here is why I will likely do this for the next [three months/six months/year" and what she says is reasonable. Or maybe she says, "I guess this is habit, but it it bothers you and you and i become more serious, I am open to changing it."

I mean, this could be anything from absolutely nothing to worry about and you should just get over it to a serious boundary issue or a serious "not over her ex" issue. But only talking to her will tell you that.

[Anonymous]

End it

[Anonymous]

This happens more than you think. I dated two men who would go stay at their ex's house while the ex was out of town to take care of their cats. And yes, I know the women were really not there.

If her ex is truly not there when he is, then they aren't spending any time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are weird about pets. I met someone recently whose fiance (and they have been dating for 5+ years) has an official dog custody arrangement with his ex who he dated before this relationship. As in the dogs go back and forth on designated weeks.

I knew someone like this, too. They lived on adjacent streets, and the dog could go back and forth via the backyards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What job takes a man out of town every weekday, every week, and only back home on the weekends All The Time? I’m calling BS on that set up at least. Even truckers, oil riggers, coal miners don’t live like that.

On another note, she’s entangled with and still married to her husband. Your instinct to balk is corrext. He, the kids, and the dogs will always come before you and rightfully so.

I think she is playing them both and probably have a lot of shame about it. Looks like she is the one with low self esteem and can't make a decision or commitment towards the new partner and want best of both worlds. Staying at your exs house after you're legally separated and having your own apartment is disgusting. You do have a choice, OP. I know I wouldn't entertain someone low-class like this.

Disgusting? OK.

It could be disgusting if she is separated, have her own apartment and dating someone seriously. I would say she is not fair to OP, her new partner and stringing him along. Ofcourse, he could break it up anytime too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t bother me. If she wanted to be with her ex, she would be. I’m sure she considers the dogs hers and feels like they have joint custody.

but then she should find a solution. I am sure OP's partner wouldn't like it if he does the same. Rules are different for you than your partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens more than you think. I dated two men who would go stay at their ex's house while the ex was out of town to take care of their cats. And yes, I know the women were really not there.

If her ex is truly not there when he is, then they aren't spending any time together.

I think OP's partner is not over her ex. If it is the house where she raised her kids then there is a lot of emotional value attached and it is not right for her to be around that place. I am sure her ex hasn't changed any of the decor, furniture etc since she left because they like it that way.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is banging the dogs.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? You are the one she is f**g now

[Anonymous]

She loves her dogs. And appropriately, she loves them a lot more than you. They are a much more important part of her life than you.