Do you think parents who volunteer and donate more to schools deserve better treatment for their child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, because it’s intrinsically classist and would unduly punish single parents and/or those with inflexible professions. School shouldn’t function like a country club. I’m sure there are those who disagree.

Actually, it would punish *kids* with single parents or parents with inflexible work schedules, which is even worse.

[Anonymous]

I volunteer a lot, I don’t expect anything back of course. Sometimes I am worried that it works the other way as any putting yourself on a spot does

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

I agree with the bolded but also think you need to be very careful assuming you know enough about another family to know if parents are able to volunteer or donate money. I work part time and have gotten some very rude comments from other parents about my level of volunteering (just stuff to the tune of "you have so much time!" when soliciting for volunteers) because they assume I have a wide open schedule. What none of them know is that I work part time because I have a chronic illness and TBH even my current workload plus being a parent is very hard when I'm also dealing with pain, or having to go to multiple PT appointments a week. I don't disclose my health situation to people I barely know so I don't announce this, but I know for a fact there are people who think I'm selfish because I "only" volunteer a few times a year.

Regarding your examples, though, I don't actually view those as preferential treatment. It's normal that families who volunteer for heavier lifting for an event would get some benefits at the event itself, to make up for the what they might miss out on due to volunteering. When people say preferential treatment in this context, I assume they are talking about class assignments, special opportunities for kids that not everyone gets, or especially kind or deferential treatment by the staff/administration toward the kids.

[Anonymous]

No, they should not. However, being involved is a way to develop one's background knowledge and awareness and that information sometimes leads to making a request that others wouldn't think to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a pretty blurred line, slippery slope… I don’t think they should get preferential treatment. But I did volunteer a lot, which put me in the front office a lot, and face time in passing with lots of teachers and students. It gave me an advantage in that I had a better sense of which teachers cared, which students needed remedial help, which students were goofs whom I’d rather not have my child grouped with. Did the school say “Oh thanks so much for volunteering and donating generously. Please take first pick of teachers and tell us of any friend group issues!”? No. But I was able to have conversations which naturally happened over time and over being around the school a lot.

You are the type that teachers don’t like. Using volunteering so that you gossip and snoop. Why would you make it your business to know who needed academic help and why would you need to. The only way you would know is if you rummaged through their files and found the IEP packets.

And you’re observing kids to find the kids who are “goofs” whatever that means. Such a valuable resource you are 🤮

Rummaging around to find IEP files? Have you spent any time volunteering at school or in classrooms? You can be a class reader for 15 minutes and know right away which children are problematic. They have an aide or are constantly being primed by the teacher. Everybody who volunteers knows who these one or two kids are. I don’t gossip about that, so if you don’t volunteer, you don’t know.

Our schools don't use parents to come in and read. Not only for the reason of parents gossiping about children but it’s just not helpful. Parents go in when invited for a demonstration or show of artwork in the younger years. I know I’ve never noticed who has the aide or who is disruptive.

Well, then I guess you are just not observant. Or you are so focused on Larlo that you are oblivious to everyone and everything else around you. To the rest of us, it's clear. Or maybe Larlo IS the problem child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, they should not. However, being involved is a way to develop one's background knowledge and awareness and that information sometimes leads to making a request that others wouldn't think to make.

Like what kind of request?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a pretty blurred line, slippery slope… I don’t think they should get preferential treatment. But I did volunteer a lot, which put me in the front office a lot, and face time in passing with lots of teachers and students. It gave me an advantage in that I had a better sense of which teachers cared, which students needed remedial help, which students were goofs whom I’d rather not have my child grouped with. Did the school say “Oh thanks so much for volunteering and donating generously. Please take first pick of teachers and tell us of any friend group issues!”? No. But I was able to have conversations which naturally happened over time and over being around the school a lot.

You are the type that teachers don’t like. Using volunteering so that you gossip and snoop. Why would you make it your business to know who needed academic help and why would you need to. The only way you would know is if you rummaged through their files and found the IEP packets.

And you’re observing kids to find the kids who are “goofs” whatever that means. Such a valuable resource you are 🤮

Rummaging around to find IEP files? Have you spent any time volunteering at school or in classrooms? You can be a class reader for 15 minutes and know right away which children are problematic. They have an aide or are constantly being primed by the teacher. Everybody who volunteers knows who these one or two kids are. I don’t gossip about that, so if you don’t volunteer, you don’t know.

Our schools don't use parents to come in and read. Not only for the reason of parents gossiping about children but it’s just not helpful. Parents go in when invited for a demonstration or show of artwork in the younger years. I know I’ve never noticed who has the aide or who is disruptive.

Well, then I guess you are just not observant. Or you are so focused on Larlo that you are oblivious to everyone and everything else around you. To the rest of us, it's clear. Or maybe Larlo IS the problem child.

Da fook is wrong wit you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a pretty blurred line, slippery slope… I don’t think they should get preferential treatment. But I did volunteer a lot, which put me in the front office a lot, and face time in passing with lots of teachers and students. It gave me an advantage in that I had a better sense of which teachers cared, which students needed remedial help, which students were goofs whom I’d rather not have my child grouped with. Did the school say “Oh thanks so much for volunteering and donating generously. Please take first pick of teachers and tell us of any friend group issues!”? No. But I was able to have conversations which naturally happened over time and over being around the school a lot.

You are the type that teachers don’t like. Using volunteering so that you gossip and snoop. Why would you make it your business to know who needed academic help and why would you need to. The only way you would know is if you rummaged through their files and found the IEP packets.

And you’re observing kids to find the kids who are “goofs” whatever that means. Such a valuable resource you are 🤮

Rummaging around to find IEP files? Have you spent any time volunteering at school or in classrooms? You can be a class reader for 15 minutes and know right away which children are problematic. They have an aide or are constantly being primed by the teacher. Everybody who volunteers knows who these one or two kids are. I don’t gossip about that, so if you don’t volunteer, you don’t know.

Our schools don't use parents to come in and read. Not only for the reason of parents gossiping about children but it’s just not helpful. Parents go in when invited for a demonstration or show of artwork in the younger years. I know I’ve never noticed who has the aide or who is disruptive.

Well, then I guess you are just not observant. Or you are so focused on Larlo that you are oblivious to everyone and everything else around you. To the rest of us, it's clear. Or maybe Larlo IS the problem child.

Da fook is wrong wit you

+1

Parents also often get this wrong. They think they understand the personalities of other kids but they misunderstand their own biases and they are only getting a little snapshot. Kids are complex, and they are changing all the time. Your children need to learn to deal with different kinds of personalities. Just because a child said or did something that you found annoying or troublemaking during the 20 minutes you were in the classroom does not mean your child should be segregated from them. Also you probably don't realize that your kid acts differently when you are in the classroom than when you aren't, and another parent could reach the exact same conclusion about your kid that you are drawing about another, also unfairly.

Parents who take the mentality of "who is the problem kid? I need to get my kid away from them" are missing the forrest for the trees.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

Both those examples are preferential treatment for the parent/family, though, not the kid, which I think makes it pretty different.

Yes, sorry, I should have been more clear- I think the family can have preferential treatment that is directly related to the thing they're helping out with, like my examples. I don't think the child should get a better part in the play just because the mom has volunteered to be the backstage mom for every performance, definitely not.

[Anonymous]

We don't do any of that but I think our kids are treated good and fairly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a pretty blurred line, slippery slope… I don’t think they should get preferential treatment. But I did volunteer a lot, which put me in the front office a lot, and face time in passing with lots of teachers and students. It gave me an advantage in that I had a better sense of which teachers cared, which students needed remedial help, which students were goofs whom I’d rather not have my child grouped with. Did the school say “Oh thanks so much for volunteering and donating generously. Please take first pick of teachers and tell us of any friend group issues!”? No. But I was able to have conversations which naturally happened over time and over being around the school a lot.

You are the type that teachers don’t like. Using volunteering so that you gossip and snoop. Why would you make it your business to know who needed academic help and why would you need to. The only way you would know is if you rummaged through their files and found the IEP packets.

And you’re observing kids to find the kids who are “goofs” whatever that means. Such a valuable resource you are 🤮

Rummaging around to find IEP files? Have you spent any time volunteering at school or in classrooms? You can be a class reader for 15 minutes and know right away which children are problematic. They have an aide or are constantly being primed by the teacher. Everybody who volunteers knows who these one or two kids are. I don’t gossip about that, so if you don’t volunteer, you don’t know.

Our schools don't use parents to come in and read. Not only for the reason of parents gossiping about children but it’s just not helpful. Parents go in when invited for a demonstration or show of artwork in the younger years. I know I’ve never noticed who has the aide or who is disruptive.

Well, then I guess you are just not observant. Or you are so focused on Larlo that you are oblivious to everyone and everything else around you. To the rest of us, it's clear. Or maybe Larlo IS the problem child.

Da fook is wrong wit you

+1

Parents also often get this wrong. They think they understand the personalities of other kids but they misunderstand their own biases and they are only getting a little snapshot. Kids are complex, and they are changing all the time. Your children need to learn to deal with different kinds of personalities. Just because a child said or did something that you found annoying or troublemaking during the 20 minutes you were in the classroom does not mean your child should be segregated from them. Also you probably don't realize that your kid acts differently when you are in the classroom than when you aren't, and another parent could reach the exact same conclusion about your kid that you are drawing about another, also unfairly.

Parents who take the mentality of "who is the problem kid? I need to get my kid away from them" are missing the forrest for the trees.

I keep try to keep my kids away from the ones who are violent or bullying, and there's at least a couple of those in every class we've ever had. Your attitude comes at the expense of kids who are hurt, sometimes killed, by the "complex, changing all the times" kids you're sticking up for.

DP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a pretty blurred line, slippery slope… I don’t think they should get preferential treatment. But I did volunteer a lot, which put me in the front office a lot, and face time in passing with lots of teachers and students. It gave me an advantage in that I had a better sense of which teachers cared, which students needed remedial help, which students were goofs whom I’d rather not have my child grouped with. Did the school say “Oh thanks so much for volunteering and donating generously. Please take first pick of teachers and tell us of any friend group issues!”? No. But I was able to have conversations which naturally happened over time and over being around the school a lot.

You are the type that teachers don’t like. Using volunteering so that you gossip and snoop. Why would you make it your business to know who needed academic help and why would you need to. The only way you would know is if you rummaged through their files and found the IEP packets.

And you’re observing kids to find the kids who are “goofs” whatever that means. Such a valuable resource you are 🤮

Rummaging around to find IEP files? Have you spent any time volunteering at school or in classrooms? You can be a class reader for 15 minutes and know right away which children are problematic. They have an aide or are constantly being primed by the teacher. Everybody who volunteers knows who these one or two kids are. I don’t gossip about that, so if you don’t volunteer, you don’t know.

Our schools don't use parents to come in and read. Not only for the reason of parents gossiping about children but it’s just not helpful. Parents go in when invited for a demonstration or show of artwork in the younger years. I know I’ve never noticed who has the aide or who is disruptive.

Well, then I guess you are just not observant. Or you are so focused on Larlo that you are oblivious to everyone and everything else around you. To the rest of us, it's clear. Or maybe Larlo IS the problem child.

Da fook is wrong wit you

+1

Parents also often get this wrong. They think they understand the personalities of other kids but they misunderstand their own biases and they are only getting a little snapshot. Kids are complex, and they are changing all the time. Your children need to learn to deal with different kinds of personalities. Just because a child said or did something that you found annoying or troublemaking during the 20 minutes you were in the classroom does not mean your child should be segregated from them. Also you probably don't realize that your kid acts differently when you are in the classroom than when you aren't, and another parent could reach the exact same conclusion about your kid that you are drawing about another, also unfairly.

Parents who take the mentality of "who is the problem kid? I need to get my kid away from them" are missing the forrest for the trees.

I keep try to keep my kids away from the ones who are violent or bullying, and there's at least a couple of those in every class we've ever had. Your attitude comes at the expense of kids who are hurt, sometimes killed, by the "complex, changing all the times" kids you're sticking up for.

DP.

You are identifying killer kids during your 30 minute read along in your kid's K class? Come on.

If another child is bullying or violent towards your child, by all means, tell the school and request that they be separated. But it should be based on actual evidence of violent behavior, not just not liking the look of a kid during a brief volunteering activity. And the reason the school should comply with a request like that is because you are trying to keep your child safe, not because they are just so grateful you signed up to come read to the class.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a pretty blurred line, slippery slope… I don’t think they should get preferential treatment. But I did volunteer a lot, which put me in the front office a lot, and face time in passing with lots of teachers and students. It gave me an advantage in that I had a better sense of which teachers cared, which students needed remedial help, which students were goofs whom I’d rather not have my child grouped with. Did the school say “Oh thanks so much for volunteering and donating generously. Please take first pick of teachers and tell us of any friend group issues!”? No. But I was able to have conversations which naturally happened over time and over being around the school a lot.

You are the type that teachers don’t like. Using volunteering so that you gossip and snoop. Why would you make it your business to know who needed academic help and why would you need to. The only way you would know is if you rummaged through their files and found the IEP packets.

And you’re observing kids to find the kids who are “goofs” whatever that means. Such a valuable resource you are 🤮

Rummaging around to find IEP files? Have you spent any time volunteering at school or in classrooms? You can be a class reader for 15 minutes and know right away which children are problematic. They have an aide or are constantly being primed by the teacher. Everybody who volunteers knows who these one or two kids are. I don’t gossip about that, so if you don’t volunteer, you don’t know.

Our schools don't use parents to come in and read. Not only for the reason of parents gossiping about children but it’s just not helpful. Parents go in when invited for a demonstration or show of artwork in the younger years. I know I’ve never noticed who has the aide or who is disruptive.

Well, then I guess you are just not observant. Or you are so focused on Larlo that you are oblivious to everyone and everything else around you. To the rest of us, it's clear. Or maybe Larlo IS the problem child.

Da fook is wrong wit you

+1

Parents also often get this wrong. They think they understand the personalities of other kids but they misunderstand their own biases and they are only getting a little snapshot. Kids are complex, and they are changing all the time. Your children need to learn to deal with different kinds of personalities. Just because a child said or did something that you found annoying or troublemaking during the 20 minutes you were in the classroom does not mean your child should be segregated from them. Also you probably don't realize that your kid acts differently when you are in the classroom than when you aren't, and another parent could reach the exact same conclusion about your kid that you are drawing about another, also unfairly.

Parents who take the mentality of "who is the problem kid? I need to get my kid away from them" are missing the forrest for the trees.

I keep try to keep my kids away from the ones who are violent or bullying, and there's at least a couple of those in every class we've ever had. Your attitude comes at the expense of kids who are hurt, sometimes killed, by the "complex, changing all the times" kids you're sticking up for.

DP

Your framing is wack. A thirty‑minute volunteer slot does not make you an expert in identifying “dangerous” children, and presenting your snap judgments as child‑safety insight is exactly the kind of performative concern that does real harm. God forbid you’re spreading rumors or badmouthing kids in your community under the cover of that concern‑trolling, because once an adult assigns a label, it sticks to a child who did nothing to earn it. That kind of adult‑driven labeling is far more damaging and detrimental to kids than a little rowdy behavior during story time.

There is a clear, responsible standard here: if a child demonstrates actual violent behavior toward yours, you report it and request separation. Full stop. What you’re doing instead is elevating your own projections into “evidence” and calling it vigilance. It isn’t. It’s misjudgment dressed up as advocacy/

And the idea that you can spot “killer kids” during a read‑aloud isn’t just absurd; it’s reckless.