Ex still hitting our teen kids

[Anonymous]

Kids can refuse to go to him. Get full custody

[Anonymous]

OP - I would say all three teens have a right to say they do not want to be at his house due to threat of physical violence. You need to get in touch with your lawyer on how to proceed to protect them. Somebody needs to do an investigation - maybe request a guardian ad litem to act on their behalf in the court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When he hit the kids and you were still married, what did you do?

Have you ever hit your children?

I’m not trying to be a jerk, I’m trying to consider what he’s going to tell his lawyer— that you were fine with corporal punishment before and now you’re “punishing” him.

I don’t hit my kids. When they were younger, it was mostly spanking, though there were times it went further. I stepped in when I could, but I didn’t support many of his choices. It feels like things may be getting worse now, and I know I need to have a serious conversation with him about it—possibly threaten taking him to court, it might improve things. He still wants to see the kids, and I’m concerned about my safety if I pursue full custody.

No no no. No! Do not discuss this with him. No threats, no cajoling, no warnings. You need to go straight to your lawyer.

[Anonymous]

It made me feel sick reading this. Your poor children. You need to tell them to call 911 when this happens, because you know it will happen again. He belongs in jail. This is sickening

[Anonymous]

What you described is well past legally permissible physical discipline in the state of Virginia, and if your children called 911 and police observed physical injuries such as you described your ex would be arrested for domestic assault.

[Anonymous]

You're both terrible parents. You're allowing your children to be abused. You need help.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a troll. If not, OP you are complicit in this. Probably abused and groomed by your ex, but complicit. One of a few things will happen here with no course correction: one of your sons is going to turn on his dad and this will end poorly for everyone, a mandated school reporter will pick up on this and you both will lose custody, or some/all of these kids will grow up and repeat the abuse in their own relationships, likely your boys towards women and children. Stop sitting on your hands and do the right thing.

- MD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake

It sounds a bit fake to me because there's no mention of the kids fighting back. After we seoerated and ex escalated, my 6 year old took a swing at my ex when he got out of control violent... then police were involved, my ex was given some supervised parenting that went poorly, and eventually after a long court journey lost all parenting rights.

It is not very common that kids this age would put up with physical abuse like this without running away or fighting back. I'm wondering what the circumstances are that would make them just take it?! Is this a brainwashing super religious situation or something?

[Anonymous]

This should be reported immediately to Child Protective Services. When your child got an eye injury after an assault, how did you not call the police immediately? You are teaching them it is okay for their dad to assault them.

CPS will not take it lightly that he is using an object other than his hand and that he has left visible injuries.

Do not talk to him. Go to authorities. If the kids would rather you not get involved, they should tell anyone at school and it will be reported to CPS for investigation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake

It sounds a bit fake to me because there's no mention of the kids fighting back. After we seoerated and ex escalated, my 6 year old took a swing at my ex when he got out of control violent... then police were involved, my ex was given some supervised parenting that went poorly, and eventually after a long court journey lost all parenting rights.

It is not very common that kids this age would put up with physical abuse like this without running away or fighting back. I'm wondering what the circumstances are that would make them just take it?! Is this a brainwashing super religious situation or something?

I would guess they have been on the receiving end of corporal punishment all of their lives. OP mentioned that they are now "past the age" which implies there is an age where you can hit your kids.

[Anonymous]

OP if you do not take action you can be held culpable as well. Your kids may also be lazy, undisciplined obnoxious or disrepectful. They need to be held accountable for those behaviors. However he is not allowed to attempt to solve those problems with violence and you are not allowed to ignore that he does.

[Anonymous]

Your 15 yo is old enough to hit back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 15 yo is old enough to hit back.

I mean, depending on how big he is, your 13 yo might be, too. The two of them could wail on his ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 15 yo is old enough to hit back.

I mean, depending on how big he is, your 13 yo might be, too. The two of them could wail on his ass.

Is that your recommendation when there is spousal abuse? COME ON.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's abusive and you are describing assaults, not discipline. Get your divorce lawyer involved and try to get full custody of these children.

+1000

OP, this is beyond any reason. Call your attorney TODAY and read what you have written to him/ her. You spell it out very well here. This is something that is not going to go away or get better over time.

You have to stand up for your kids.

Do not delay on this.

That’s what I plan to do, I’m just very worried about them, and how this could affect them in the meantime. Like I said, I’m also worried about going to court with him, he believes this is all reasonable, and our kids are afraid of him.

I was a kid in this situation. Divorced parents. Violent father.

I can tell you it's not a wonderful way to grow up.

The legal system is much better these days. Use it and protect your kids. Getting beaten every second weekend is not awesome for your kids childhood and their development. Yes, there might be a little drama with the ex, but your kids will respect you for stepping up and protecting them.