Do you worry about your kids being able to maintain your current lifestyle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is up to them. They see how much their dad works (he is the bulk of the income) and we talk with them about how the life we lead usually involves a busy stressful job. At this point I would be surprised if they make as much simply because they want a better work/life balance and I don’t blame them. DH didn’t set out to earn this much, we are living well beneath our means and plan to retire early. Luckily for them, they will have wealthy parents as a safety net, something that we did not have. They will need to support themselves but we plan to pay for college and possibly grad school, and subsidize vacations and some education for our potential grandchildren.

This matches my situation although my husband and I are both high earners. My job is more stressful and political. The kids know from being around during Covid and off-hours watching me work.

We live in a house that is very small and modest compared to our income peers. We actually like the cozy feel and less maintenance. Our kids are not status conscious. Which means they are a bit unambitious. It's weird how synergistic ambition and greed are.

Happiness is decoupled from money at some point. I worry for my kids' safety and health but not for equaling their ancestors in wealth. I am behind my ancestors from the 1800s but have a greater likelihood of a long, healthy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, my kids are 7 and 9 so, no, I do not actively worry about this.

We have a significantly lower HHI than you, but it is still way more money than my or DH's parents made. Cost of living in this area is way more than where we grew up too. We do not get financial help from family.

I hope to make sure my kids understand that they are not going to move our of our house into their own equivalent house and that the nice things we are able to do for them are us both working hard. I think they do know that already.

Honestly though, OP, if you do not plan to help your kids some in adulthood, why are you grinding to make over half a million dollars a year? Paid for college, money for a wedding (if they choose to marrry), downpayment for a home, paying for them to attend immediately family vacations are all things that my friends with wealthier parents have that make life a lot easier. It's not a trust fun or paying for daily living expenses but it sure helps and you likely could afford it.

Making $500K is not enough for all of that in a HCOLA. Sure, you pay for college and wedding, but you are not giving them a significant downpayment on that income where you have a lifestyle that requires much of it to live yourself.

Op cited her HHI as 800k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, my kids are 7 and 9 so, no, I do not actively worry about this.

We have a significantly lower HHI than you, but it is still way more money than my or DH's parents made. Cost of living in this area is way more than where we grew up too. We do not get financial help from family.

I hope to make sure my kids understand that they are not going to move our of our house into their own equivalent house and that the nice things we are able to do for them are us both working hard. I think they do know that already.

Honestly though, OP, if you do not plan to help your kids some in adulthood, why are you grinding to make over half a million dollars a year? Paid for college, money for a wedding (if they choose to marrry), downpayment for a home, paying for them to attend immediately family vacations are all things that my friends with wealthier parents have that make life a lot easier. It's not a trust fun or paying for daily living expenses but it sure helps and you likely could afford it.

Making $500K is not enough for all of that in a HCOLA. Sure, you pay for college and wedding, but you are not giving them a significant downpayment on that income where you have a lifestyle that requires much of it to live yourself.

I don’t think that’s right. If you bought or refinanced in 2021 with good interest rates, you can have a moderate mortgage I. A great neighborhood. If you have 500k pre tax, you’re likely taking home 350k after tax. You could very comfortably live on 125k a year with public school (assuming you’re out of the daycare years). If you’re saving and investing the balance, you’ll have a shit ton of money by the time your kids are adults.

Of course, if the lifestyle you want to maintain involves 130k/yr in private school tuition, new $50,000 cars every few years, and a country club membership, well, then you’re right that there won’t be a lot of wealth accumulated.

The bought or refinanced 2021-2022 is the key part here. We bought in 2024 and pay $7K PITI on a $750K mortgage for a modest 1400 square foot cape. Unfortunately we weren't born in time to buy earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, my kids are 7 and 9 so, no, I do not actively worry about this.

We have a significantly lower HHI than you, but it is still way more money than my or DH's parents made. Cost of living in this area is way more than where we grew up too. We do not get financial help from family.

I hope to make sure my kids understand that they are not going to move our of our house into their own equivalent house and that the nice things we are able to do for them are us both working hard. I think they do know that already.

Honestly though, OP, if you do not plan to help your kids some in adulthood, why are you grinding to make over half a million dollars a year? Paid for college, money for a wedding (if they choose to marrry), downpayment for a home, paying for them to attend immediately family vacations are all things that my friends with wealthier parents have that make life a lot easier. It's not a trust fun or paying for daily living expenses but it sure helps and you likely could afford it.

Making $500K is not enough for all of that in a HCOLA. Sure, you pay for college and wedding, but you are not giving them a significant downpayment on that income where you have a lifestyle that requires much of it to live yourself.

I don’t think that’s right. If you bought or refinanced in 2021 with good interest rates, you can have a moderate mortgage I. A great neighborhood. If you have 500k pre tax, you’re likely taking home 350k after tax. You could very comfortably live on 125k a year with public school (assuming you’re out of the daycare years). If you’re saving and investing the balance, you’ll have a shit ton of money by the time your kids are adults.

Of course, if the lifestyle you want to maintain involves 130k/yr in private school tuition, new $50,000 cars every few years, and a country club membership, well, then you’re right that there won’t be a lot of wealth accumulated.

The bought or refinanced 2021-2022 is the key part here. We bought in 2024 and pay $7K PITI on a $750K mortgage for a modest 1400 square foot cape. Unfortunately we weren't born in time to buy earlier.

You can always assume a loan if you can bring sufficient equity to the table. It’s a good option and more available than you might think in the DMV.

But yes, reasonable mortgages in this area on new buys seem to be a thing of the past.

[Anonymous]

Yes. One kid is in biglaw so has already had a taste of the high life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. One kid is in biglaw so has already had a taste of the high life.

Are you actively worried about this? If so, why?

[Anonymous]

No, because there's nothing I can do about it. They've had a great head start, so they're very very lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up upper middle class in a LCOL area. Parents did very well and owned multiple businesses.

I went to college with no debt, married husband and we also do well. HHI is around $700-800k a year. Sister is also doing very well and her HHI is around $1-1.2 million a year.

I worry our kids will get used to this lifestyle and never be able to replicate it. They are used to living in large houses, traveling to summer houses, flying on nice vacations (first class many times), etc. they aren’t spoiled at all and seem appreciative as much as kids can be but this is just the life they are used to. DH and I work hard and want to enjoy our life as well.

Do you also worry about your kids being able to maintain their lifestyle as they grow up? Of course DH and I do not want to or expect to fund our kids into adulthood and expect them to find careers and support themselves.

Our young adult DC flies first/biz and stays in ritzy places when she’s with us but basic economy and cheap lodging on her own or with friends, and is honestly fine either way. Similarly, her college dorm and first apartment were/are a far cry from our primary and vacation homes, but she’s happily living within her means. Such is the flexibility of youth!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, my kids are 7 and 9 so, no, I do not actively worry about this.

We have a significantly lower HHI than you, but it is still way more money than my or DH's parents made. Cost of living in this area is way more than where we grew up too. We do not get financial help from family.

I hope to make sure my kids understand that they are not going to move our of our house into their own equivalent house and that the nice things we are able to do for them are us both working hard. I think they do know that already.

Honestly though, OP, if you do not plan to help your kids some in adulthood, why are you grinding to make over half a million dollars a year? Paid for college, money for a wedding (if they choose to marrry), downpayment for a home, paying for them to attend immediately family vacations are all things that my friends with wealthier parents have that make life a lot easier. It's not a trust fun or paying for daily living expenses but it sure helps and you likely could afford it.

Making $500K is not enough for all of that in a HCOLA. Sure, you pay for college and wedding, but you are not giving them a significant downpayment on that income where you have a lifestyle that requires much of it to live yourself.

I don’t think that’s right. If you bought or refinanced in 2021 with good interest rates, you can have a moderate mortgage I. A great neighborhood. If you have 500k pre tax, you’re likely taking home 350k after tax. You could very comfortably live on 125k a year with public school (assuming you’re out of the daycare years). If you’re saving and investing the balance, you’ll have a shit ton of money by the time your kids are adults.

Of course, if the lifestyle you want to maintain involves 130k/yr in private school tuition, new $50,000 cars every few years, and a country club membership, well, then you’re right that there won’t be a lot of wealth accumulated.

not where I live. The average home price is over $800K, and most people would not want to live in those homes and send their kids to the public schools where an 800K home is. Oh and that 800K home will be 25-30+ years old and have had no renovations done, except what was desperately required (ie if the roof had leaks it might have been replaced)

And that 800K home at 5% is $4K/month, then add in insurance (another $300) and assume $500/month to save for maintenance, so lets round and say it's minimum $5K/month. That's $60K/year for just your house, no utilities or anything else. Very easy to see how you can spend well over $125K to live.

And yes, I would not send my kids to schools in those areas. So you are looking at minimum $1.2M+ in my area for decent schools (not top), and still have an old house that hasn't be brought into this century (ie a ticking time bomb for major repairs $$$$)

Now add in cars and insurance, utilities, food, saving for college, and retirement, then decide to take a few vacations each year. And kids activities. Not much left to save so my kids can have a down payment at 28.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, my kids are 7 and 9 so, no, I do not actively worry about this.

We have a significantly lower HHI than you, but it is still way more money than my or DH's parents made. Cost of living in this area is way more than where we grew up too. We do not get financial help from family.

I hope to make sure my kids understand that they are not going to move our of our house into their own equivalent house and that the nice things we are able to do for them are us both working hard. I think they do know that already.

Honestly though, OP, if you do not plan to help your kids some in adulthood, why are you grinding to make over half a million dollars a year? Paid for college, money for a wedding (if they choose to marrry), downpayment for a home, paying for them to attend immediately family vacations are all things that my friends with wealthier parents have that make life a lot easier. It's not a trust fun or paying for daily living expenses but it sure helps and you likely could afford it.

Making $500K is not enough for all of that in a HCOLA. Sure, you pay for college and wedding, but you are not giving them a significant downpayment on that income where you have a lifestyle that requires much of it to live yourself.

I don’t think that’s right. If you bought or refinanced in 2021 with good interest rates, you can have a moderate mortgage I. A great neighborhood. If you have 500k pre tax, you’re likely taking home 350k after tax. You could very comfortably live on 125k a year with public school (assuming you’re out of the daycare years). If you’re saving and investing the balance, you’ll have a shit ton of money by the time your kids are adults.

Of course, if the lifestyle you want to maintain involves 130k/yr in private school tuition, new $50,000 cars every few years, and a country club membership, well, then you’re right that there won’t be a lot of wealth accumulated.

not where I live. The average home price is over $800K, and most people would not want to live in those homes and send their kids to the public schools where an 800K home is. Oh and that 800K home will be 25-30+ years old and have had no renovations done, except what was desperately required (ie if the roof had leaks it might have been replaced)

And that 800K home at 5% is $4K/month, then add in insurance (another $300) and assume $500/month to save for maintenance, so lets round and say it's minimum $5K/month. That's $60K/year for just your house, no utilities or anything else. Very easy to see how you can spend well over $125K to live.

And yes, I would not send my kids to schools in those areas. So you are looking at minimum $1.2M+ in my area for decent schools (not top), and still have an old house that hasn't be brought into this century (ie a ticking time bomb for major repairs $$$$)

Now add in cars and insurance, utilities, food, saving for college, and retirement, then decide to take a few vacations each year. And kids activities. Not much left to save so my kids can have a down payment at 28.

Your kids may have to make the choice that we had to make - move. As our parents did before us.

[Anonymous]

My kids will probably be fine. It's my generation (both my wife and me) who took a step back from our UMC parents.

[Anonymous]

No, quite the opposite. The kids have very good lives even without all the riches. They love life, love being 18+, love being out and about and most importantly, they love their friends.
I'm not going to them yapping about money.
We are past the point where money helps. Hoping that things that money cannot buy go well.

[Anonymous]

I have a great life, but it isn't the same as what I grew up with. My family had multiple houses, took tons of fancy vacations, paid for private school, etc. My parents are living a very lavish retirement life with expensive trips every month, etc. DH and I are are doing well. We don't want for anything, take nice vacations once or twice a year, etc. But it isn't and will never be at the level my parents have. I was hard to adjust to that reality, and there are times where I have a twinge of jealousy that I don't have all that to give my kids, but I am also very grateful for what I do have and know we are better off than most people.

Chances are, your kids will be in a similar boat. They won't be poor. They will still be very comfortable and have a lot of extras in life. But it might not be at the same level as what you have been able to provide. Just make sure you instill contentment and gratefulness in them.

[Anonymous]

No, I just dont want my kids to suffer. None of us are entitled to the lifestyle we have, we are lucky to have what we have, because a good portion of it was not within our own control. The environment i grew up in made it relatively easy to build a nice life.

[Anonymous]

My kids will not be able to earn what I earn. I don't live a lavish lifestyle though. I am saving to help my kids in the future. For now, neither one of them want to have kids, which I think is the right choice for them. I don't worry so much as I plan for the fact that they won't be high earners.