Am I delusional?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just move to Connecticut or Westchester.

Intolerable. If you can reasonably afford private school and a nice apartment in NYC you shouldn’t move to the tristate suburbs. They’re awful places to grow up

Why?

Because they have most of the problems of nyc (congestion, expensive, rat race and keeping up with the Jones mentality) with few of the benefits (culture, kids becoming independent at an appropriate age, 17 year olds being driven everywhere and constantly monitored creates stunted man childs)

[Anonymous]

You have a young June girl, aka currently a 3yr old. It’s a mucky birthday for TT, but all the schools you mentioned should be attainable if you really want to send her to independent k next year. Is your preschool a heavy feeder in Sacred Heart, Nightingale, or CGPS? I just cannot imagine a PSD saying those schools aren’t attainable to the parents of a *three year old.* I know young summer birthdays at all of them and Sacred Heart even has the pre-k option. It doesn’t make sense.

That said, I have a June 2021 girl and we didn’t apply this year. I’ve been through this process and know the schools and have older kids. I cannot stress enough how much social-emotional readiness impacts school. Forget about in kindergarten (but don’t, really— think about the size of these schools, the length of the day, the amount of transitions they go through…) but really think about middle school. This isn’t about academics— it’s about maturity, puberty, executive functioning, social media, and a hundred other things that don’t even exist for us to worry about yet… if your concern keeping her in preschool is academic boredom, 1) you’re at the wrong preschool because a good one will keep a 5s classroom academically engaged and 2) consider the social-emotional possibilities she could confront as the youngest vs the oldest.

With my first I didn’t get it and tried to push the young, quiet, summer birthday (who was reading at 3) through the process because academically, ready! It didn’t work and it was the best thing that ever happened. It really opened my eyes to the social-emotional component of their growth and what a gift it was to let that develop before sending them to kindergarten. Just food for thought from a mom who has walked the path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation many years ago. Ended up going public. My kid was admittedly a bit behind socially (and was also on the younger side for private) but the pre-school acted like they were a lost cause - suggested holding them back which was clearly an awful idea. Kid has been a superstar academically and socially and switched to private for HS where they are continuing to excel - glad I saved my money - wish I hadn't wasted it on the over-rated fancy pre-school.

Good luck!

OP here - Yeah the lost cause thing was what struck me. very little discussion about what they could be doing, a lot of “socialize her more", which we do (we are one of the only families in this school that proactively tries to set up play dates outside of school, and we always have playground hangouts with kids in our neighborhood and building in the evening and weekends). After a year in school I would have expected that my kid would have come out of her shell more but it looks like the school isn’t even really trying with her.

I’m sorry this is happening OP. I think it’s strange your PSD would shoot down CPGS, nightingale or sacred heart, and as others have said upthread, you should definitely take what they say with a grain of salt and apply if that’s what you decide.

Do you mind sharing which prek? We are currently narrowing down our list to apply next year, and we are normal parents, not from NYC, who do well and have some connections. However, we are not Ivy Leaguers or billionaires. We are not going to be happy if we are treated as second class citizens by PSDs for not being legacies/Ivy Leaguers, so trying to avoid those kind of PSDs from the get go.

Not the OP but this is how it is at many of the feeders.

These feeders are really overrated for the average unconnected family. You just end up competing with siblings and legacies, and getting managed out by the PSD. I know it works out for some folks, but I can’t stomach spending 40-50k a year to have my chances diminished because it was “a strong year for siblings.” We will roll the dice with our non-feeder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a young June girl, aka currently a 3yr old. It’s a mucky birthday for TT, but all the schools you mentioned should be attainable if you really want to send her to independent k next year. Is your preschool a heavy feeder in Sacred Heart, Nightingale, or CGPS? I just cannot imagine a PSD saying those schools aren’t attainable to the parents of a *three year old.* I know young summer birthdays at all of them and Sacred Heart even has the pre-k option. It doesn’t make sense.

That said, I have a June 2021 girl and we didn’t apply this year. I’ve been through this process and know the schools and have older kids. I cannot stress enough how much social-emotional readiness impacts school. Forget about in kindergarten (but don’t, really— think about the size of these schools, the length of the day, the amount of transitions they go through…) but really think about middle school. This isn’t about academics— it’s about maturity, puberty, executive functioning, social media, and a hundred other things that don’t even exist for us to worry about yet… if your concern keeping her in preschool is academic boredom, 1) you’re at the wrong preschool because a good one will keep a 5s classroom academically engaged and 2) consider the social-emotional possibilities she could confront as the youngest vs the oldest.

With my first I didn’t get it and tried to push the young, quiet, summer birthday (who was reading at 3) through the process because academically, ready! It didn’t work and it was the best thing that ever happened. It really opened my eyes to the social-emotional component of their growth and what a gift it was to let that develop before sending them to kindergarten. Just food for thought from a mom who has walked the path.

OP here - did you guys end up at a TT after waiting for a year?

My issue with keeping her in this preschool is not just exmissions but also the fact that they don't see her strengths at all, or so it seems from the conversation we had with them. It really seemed like she was disengaged at school and didn't speak much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My issue with keeping her in this preschool is not just exmissions but also the fact that they don't see her strengths at all, or so it seems from the conversation we had with them. It really seemed like she was disengaged at school and didn't speak much.

How does this come up at the last minute? Normally a child has been at a preschool for 2-3 years, receives academic reports, and parent/teacher conferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My issue with keeping her in this preschool is not just exmissions but also the fact that they don't see her strengths at all, or so it seems from the conversation we had with them. It really seemed like she was disengaged at school and didn't speak much.

How does this come up at the last minute? Normally a child has been at a preschool for 2-3 years, receives academic reports, and parent/teacher conferences.

Op here - she has been at the school since last fall, so one year. We’ve had 1 conference before this where we were told they were focusing on social dynamics in the classroom and she was doing great and making friends. They’ve only ramped up the more academic content since the winter break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My issue with keeping her in this preschool is not just exmissions but also the fact that they don't see her strengths at all, or so it seems from the conversation we had with them. It really seemed like she was disengaged at school and didn't speak much.

How does this come up at the last minute? Normally a child has been at a preschool for 2-3 years, receives academic reports, and parent/teacher conferences.

Op here - she has been at the school since last fall, so one year. We’ve had 1 conference before this where we were told they were focusing on social dynamics in the classroom and she was doing great and making friends. They’ve only ramped up the more academic content since the winter break.

If you are determined to go private, you might want to consider getting a second opinion and being more hands on. Whether you volunteer to be the class parent next year, ask the teacher for more frequent feedback / practice the curriculum at home, sign up for academic enrichments, hire a consultant, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a young June girl, aka currently a 3yr old. It’s a mucky birthday for TT, but all the schools you mentioned should be attainable if you really want to send her to independent k next year. Is your preschool a heavy feeder in Sacred Heart, Nightingale, or CGPS? I just cannot imagine a PSD saying those schools aren’t attainable to the parents of a *three year old.* I know young summer birthdays at all of them and Sacred Heart even has the pre-k option. It doesn’t make sense.

That said, I have a June 2021 girl and we didn’t apply this year. I’ve been through this process and know the schools and have older kids. I cannot stress enough how much social-emotional readiness impacts school. Forget about in kindergarten (but don’t, really— think about the size of these schools, the length of the day, the amount of transitions they go through…) but really think about middle school. This isn’t about academics— it’s about maturity, puberty, executive functioning, social media, and a hundred other things that don’t even exist for us to worry about yet… if your concern keeping her in preschool is academic boredom, 1) you’re at the wrong preschool because a good one will keep a 5s classroom academically engaged and 2) consider the social-emotional possibilities she could confront as the youngest vs the oldest.

With my first I didn’t get it and tried to push the young, quiet, summer birthday (who was reading at 3) through the process because academically, ready! It didn’t work and it was the best thing that ever happened. It really opened my eyes to the social-emotional component of their growth and what a gift it was to let that develop before sending them to kindergarten. Just food for thought from a mom who has walked the path.

OP here - did you guys end up at a TT after waiting for a year?

My issue with keeping her in this preschool is not just exmissions but also the fact that they don't see her strengths at all, or so it seems from the conversation we had with them. It really seemed like she was disengaged at school and didn't speak much.

Yes, we ended up at our 1st choice TT the following year.

What have parent teacher conferences been like? Was she there for 2s or did you just start this year? Have her teachers ever said anything to you? Is there a way you can circle back to them in a productive manner and say that you want to work with them to make sure the child you know at home matches the one that shows up at school? What sort of support might she need, etc. Schools love "parents as partners." You can fight them or you can be the neck that turns their head to your kid.

Another option (since contracts are likely already signed), is put her in public and apply her to 5s programs in the fall for the following year (I can tell you the schools with robust programming). Or apply from public kindergarten.

I'm sorry. It is nearly May and I would feel completely blindsided by this if everything up to this point had been great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My issue with keeping her in this preschool is not just exmissions but also the fact that they don't see her strengths at all, or so it seems from the conversation we had with them. It really seemed like she was disengaged at school and didn't speak much.

How does this come up at the last minute? Normally a child has been at a preschool for 2-3 years, receives academic reports, and parent/teacher conferences.

Op here - she has been at the school since last fall, so one year. We’ve had 1 conference before this where we were told they were focusing on social dynamics in the classroom and she was doing great and making friends. They’ve only ramped up the more academic content since the winter break.

What academic content? Worksheets?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just move to Connecticut or Westchester.

Intolerable. If you can reasonably afford private school and a nice apartment in NYC you shouldn’t move to the tristate suburbs. They’re awful places to grow up

Why?

Because they have most of the problems of nyc (congestion, expensive, rat race and keeping up with the Jones mentality) with few of the benefits (culture, kids becoming independent at an appropriate age, 17 year olds being driven everywhere and constantly monitored creates stunted man childs)

This.

We even moved to the PNW, for a while to get away from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a young June girl, aka currently a 3yr old. It’s a mucky birthday for TT, but all the schools you mentioned should be attainable if you really want to send her to independent k next year. Is your preschool a heavy feeder in Sacred Heart, Nightingale, or CGPS? I just cannot imagine a PSD saying those schools aren’t attainable to the parents of a *three year old.* I know young summer birthdays at all of them and Sacred Heart even has the pre-k option. It doesn’t make sense.

That said, I have a June 2021 girl and we didn’t apply this year. I’ve been through this process and know the schools and have older kids. I cannot stress enough how much social-emotional readiness impacts school. Forget about in kindergarten (but don’t, really— think about the size of these schools, the length of the day, the amount of transitions they go through…) but really think about middle school. This isn’t about academics— it’s about maturity, puberty, executive functioning, social media, and a hundred other things that don’t even exist for us to worry about yet… if your concern keeping her in preschool is academic boredom, 1) you’re at the wrong preschool because a good one will keep a 5s classroom academically engaged and 2) consider the social-emotional possibilities she could confront as the youngest vs the oldest.

With my first I didn’t get it and tried to push the young, quiet, summer birthday (who was reading at 3) through the process because academically, ready! It didn’t work and it was the best thing that ever happened. It really opened my eyes to the social-emotional component of their growth and what a gift it was to let that develop before sending them to kindergarten. Just food for thought from a mom who has walked the path.

OP here - did you guys end up at a TT after waiting for a year?

My issue with keeping her in this preschool is not just exmissions but also the fact that they don't see her strengths at all, or so it seems from the conversation we had with them. It really seemed like she was disengaged at school and didn't speak much.

Yes, we ended up at our 1st choice TT the following year.

What have parent teacher conferences been like? Was she there for 2s or did you just start this year? Have her teachers ever said anything to you? Is there a way you can circle back to them in a productive manner and say that you want to work with them to make sure the child you know at home matches the one that shows up at school? What sort of support might she need, etc. Schools love "parents as partners." You can fight them or you can be the neck that turns their head to your kid.

Another option (since contracts are likely already signed), is put her in public and apply her to 5s programs in the fall for the following year (I can tell you the schools with robust programming). Or apply from public kindergarten.

I'm sorry. It is nearly May and I would feel completely blindsided by this if everything up to this point had been great.

Do you mind sharing some of the 5s programs you recommend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a young June girl, aka currently a 3yr old. It’s a mucky birthday for TT, but all the schools you mentioned should be attainable if you really want to send her to independent k next year. Is your preschool a heavy feeder in Sacred Heart, Nightingale, or CGPS? I just cannot imagine a PSD saying those schools aren’t attainable to the parents of a *three year old.* I know young summer birthdays at all of them and Sacred Heart even has the pre-k option. It doesn’t make sense.

That said, I have a June 2021 girl and we didn’t apply this year. I’ve been through this process and know the schools and have older kids. I cannot stress enough how much social-emotional readiness impacts school. Forget about in kindergarten (but don’t, really— think about the size of these schools, the length of the day, the amount of transitions they go through…) but really think about middle school. This isn’t about academics— it’s about maturity, puberty, executive functioning, social media, and a hundred other things that don’t even exist for us to worry about yet… if your concern keeping her in preschool is academic boredom, 1) you’re at the wrong preschool because a good one will keep a 5s classroom academically engaged and 2) consider the social-emotional possibilities she could confront as the youngest vs the oldest.

With my first I didn’t get it and tried to push the young, quiet, summer birthday (who was reading at 3) through the process because academically, ready! It didn’t work and it was the best thing that ever happened. It really opened my eyes to the social-emotional component of their growth and what a gift it was to let that develop before sending them to kindergarten. Just food for thought from a mom who has walked the path.

We have a young July and at our TT school, about half the class with summer birthdays are “young” summer birthdays, the other half from the previous year. In some cases, a few of the younger kids even come across as more advanced than some of the older ones, so it does seem to be very child dependent at least on academics but socially they all get along and have friend groups, and my kid is thriving.

We have yet to go through middle school but so far we are pretty happy with our experience. What are the types of social experiences within for instance puberty or social media do you think gets especially tricky? I would have thought as they get older it evens out even more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a young June girl, aka currently a 3yr old. It’s a mucky birthday for TT, but all the schools you mentioned should be attainable if you really want to send her to independent k next year. Is your preschool a heavy feeder in Sacred Heart, Nightingale, or CGPS? I just cannot imagine a PSD saying those schools aren’t attainable to the parents of a *three year old.* I know young summer birthdays at all of them and Sacred Heart even has the pre-k option. It doesn’t make sense.

That said, I have a June 2021 girl and we didn’t apply this year. I’ve been through this process and know the schools and have older kids. I cannot stress enough how much social-emotional readiness impacts school. Forget about in kindergarten (but don’t, really— think about the size of these schools, the length of the day, the amount of transitions they go through…) but really think about middle school. This isn’t about academics— it’s about maturity, puberty, executive functioning, social media, and a hundred other things that don’t even exist for us to worry about yet… if your concern keeping her in preschool is academic boredom, 1) you’re at the wrong preschool because a good one will keep a 5s classroom academically engaged and 2) consider the social-emotional possibilities she could confront as the youngest vs the oldest.

With my first I didn’t get it and tried to push the young, quiet, summer birthday (who was reading at 3) through the process because academically, ready! It didn’t work and it was the best thing that ever happened. It really opened my eyes to the social-emotional component of their growth and what a gift it was to let that develop before sending them to kindergarten. Just food for thought from a mom who has walked the path.

We have a young July and at our TT school, about half the class with summer birthdays are “young” summer birthdays, the other half from the previous year. In some cases, a few of the younger kids even come across as more advanced than some of the older ones, so it does seem to be very child dependent at least on academics but socially they all get along and have friend groups, and my kid is thriving.

We have yet to go through middle school but so far we are pretty happy with our experience. What are the types of social experiences within for instance puberty or social media do you think gets especially tricky? I would have thought as they get older it evens out even more

To be clear, I was never talking about academics, strictly social-emotional. In my experience you see young in k/1 and then it evens out. And then you see it again in 7/8. Your kid is a year younger than many peers. When will the older peers get smart phones? When will they get Snapchat (or whatever iteration of that exists at the time)? When will they maneuver themselves independently around the city? When will they go to the club dances, loft parties, start dating, start drinking… and when will your child push back on you because “peer X (old summer) who is in the same grade as me is allowed to do Y and I should be to.”

It definitely doesn’t even out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a young June girl, aka currently a 3yr old. It’s a mucky birthday for TT, but all the schools you mentioned should be attainable if you really want to send her to independent k next year. Is your preschool a heavy feeder in Sacred Heart, Nightingale, or CGPS? I just cannot imagine a PSD saying those schools aren’t attainable to the parents of a *three year old.* I know young summer birthdays at all of them and Sacred Heart even has the pre-k option. It doesn’t make sense.

That said, I have a June 2021 girl and we didn’t apply this year. I’ve been through this process and know the schools and have older kids. I cannot stress enough how much social-emotional readiness impacts school. Forget about in kindergarten (but don’t, really— think about the size of these schools, the length of the day, the amount of transitions they go through…) but really think about middle school. This isn’t about academics— it’s about maturity, puberty, executive functioning, social media, and a hundred other things that don’t even exist for us to worry about yet… if your concern keeping her in preschool is academic boredom, 1) you’re at the wrong preschool because a good one will keep a 5s classroom academically engaged and 2) consider the social-emotional possibilities she could confront as the youngest vs the oldest.

With my first I didn’t get it and tried to push the young, quiet, summer birthday (who was reading at 3) through the process because academically, ready! It didn’t work and it was the best thing that ever happened. It really opened my eyes to the social-emotional component of their growth and what a gift it was to let that develop before sending them to kindergarten. Just food for thought from a mom who has walked the path.

OP here - did you guys end up at a TT after waiting for a year?

My issue with keeping her in this preschool is not just exmissions but also the fact that they don't see her strengths at all, or so it seems from the conversation we had with them. It really seemed like she was disengaged at school and didn't speak much.

Yes, we ended up at our 1st choice TT the following year.

What have parent teacher conferences been like? Was she there for 2s or did you just start this year? Have her teachers ever said anything to you? Is there a way you can circle back to them in a productive manner and say that you want to work with them to make sure the child you know at home matches the one that shows up at school? What sort of support might she need, etc. Schools love "parents as partners." You can fight them or you can be the neck that turns their head to your kid.

Another option (since contracts are likely already signed), is put her in public and apply her to 5s programs in the fall for the following year (I can tell you the schools with robust programming). Or apply from public kindergarten.

I'm sorry. It is nearly May and I would feel completely blindsided by this if everything up to this point had been great.

Do you mind sharing some of the 5s programs you recommend?

Sure. Any particular neighborhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a young June girl, aka currently a 3yr old. It’s a mucky birthday for TT, but all the schools you mentioned should be attainable if you really want to send her to independent k next year. Is your preschool a heavy feeder in Sacred Heart, Nightingale, or CGPS? I just cannot imagine a PSD saying those schools aren’t attainable to the parents of a *three year old.* I know young summer birthdays at all of them and Sacred Heart even has the pre-k option. It doesn’t make sense.

That said, I have a June 2021 girl and we didn’t apply this year. I’ve been through this process and know the schools and have older kids. I cannot stress enough how much social-emotional readiness impacts school. Forget about in kindergarten (but don’t, really— think about the size of these schools, the length of the day, the amount of transitions they go through…) but really think about middle school. This isn’t about academics— it’s about maturity, puberty, executive functioning, social media, and a hundred other things that don’t even exist for us to worry about yet… if your concern keeping her in preschool is academic boredom, 1) you’re at the wrong preschool because a good one will keep a 5s classroom academically engaged and 2) consider the social-emotional possibilities she could confront as the youngest vs the oldest.

With my first I didn’t get it and tried to push the young, quiet, summer birthday (who was reading at 3) through the process because academically, ready! It didn’t work and it was the best thing that ever happened. It really opened my eyes to the social-emotional component of their growth and what a gift it was to let that develop before sending them to kindergarten. Just food for thought from a mom who has walked the path.

We have a young July and at our TT school, about half the class with summer birthdays are “young” summer birthdays, the other half from the previous year. In some cases, a few of the younger kids even come across as more advanced than some of the older ones, so it does seem to be very child dependent at least on academics but socially they all get along and have friend groups, and my kid is thriving.

We have yet to go through middle school but so far we are pretty happy with our experience. What are the types of social experiences within for instance puberty or social media do you think gets especially tricky? I would have thought as they get older it evens out even more

Would you mind sharing which TT school this is?