Intimacy with an ex-spouse - is it weird?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re going to sleep with your ex husband, why bother getting divorced?

Honestly, not having to sleep my husband is one of the biggest benefits of getting divorced. I can’t imagine giving up half my assets, and dealing with custody of the kids only to still have to have sex with an ex. Like WHY?

You have the worst of all worlds.

I mean sex wasn’t really the main point of our marriage, and when we we’re married enjoyed it, so ur didn’t feel like a chore. Though we are super compatible sexually, and we can get along and be friends. We still have love for each other, even though we couldn’t stay married at the time. We don’t have resentment for towards each other, and just view sex as something we do to, that benefits both of us, to keep our connection. That was registered as being done by weird people, by the podcast host and viewers, and I didn’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-husband and I have been divorced for about seven years, but we’ve still been intimate occasionally over that time. I recently came across a discussion online where a lot of people were saying this kind of situation is weird or unhealthy, which made me pause.

Curious what others think—if both people on the same page, is this actually a problem, or just one of those things people judge more harshly than they should?

People need to mind their own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re going to sleep with your ex husband, why bother getting divorced?

Honestly, not having to sleep my husband is one of the biggest benefits of getting divorced. I can’t imagine giving up half my assets, and dealing with custody of the kids only to still have to have sex with an ex. Like WHY?

You have the worst of all worlds.

I mean sex wasn’t really the main point of our marriage, and when we we’re married enjoyed it, so ur didn’t feel like a chore. Though we are super compatible sexually, and we can get along and be friends. We still have love for each other, even though we couldn’t stay married at the time. We don’t have resentment for towards each other, and just view sex as something we do to, that benefits both of us, to keep our connection. That was registered as being done by weird people, by the podcast host and viewers, and I didn’t get it.

So you’d be okay marrying someone with a wandering d!ck?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want to date you if I found out you were still hooking up with an ex.

Big red flag that neither of you have moved on.

This^. Why would new person trust you to not do this in future.

[Anonymous]

Weirdooooo

[Anonymous]

If it’s in ZERO way holding you back from dating and finding someone else, I guess it’s ok. Personally I’d rather have a clean break and not be entangled.

[Anonymous]

This is odd but not unheard of? My best friends in-laws have been divorced for 25 years. His second wife died, she left her second husband and they’re hooking back up in their 60s!! They share grandkids and seem to enjoy whatever they have though they don’t want to live together.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how you can respect your ex when he cheated on you, and you're still sleeping with him after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re going to sleep with your ex husband, why bother getting divorced?

Honestly, not having to sleep my husband is one of the biggest benefits of getting divorced. I can’t imagine giving up half my assets, and dealing with custody of the kids only to still have to have sex with an ex. Like WHY?

You have the worst of all worlds.

I mean sex wasn’t really the main point of our marriage, and when we were married enjoyed it, so ur didn’t feel like a chore. Though we are super compatible sexually, and we can get along and be friends. We still have love for each other, even though we couldn’t stay married at the time. We don’t have resentment for towards each other, and just view sex as something we do to, that benefits both of us, to keep our connection. That was registered as being done by weird people, by the podcast host and viewers, and I didn’t get it.

Why are you trying to keep a romantic connection?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re going to sleep with your ex husband, why bother getting divorced?

Honestly, not having to sleep my husband is one of the biggest benefits of getting divorced. I can’t imagine giving up half my assets, and dealing with custody of the kids only to still have to have sex with an ex. Like WHY?

You have the worst of all worlds.

I mean sex wasn’t really the main point of our marriage, and when we were married enjoyed it, so ur didn’t feel like a chore. Though we are super compatible sexually, and we can get along and be friends. We still have love for each other, even though we couldn’t stay married at the time. We don’t have resentment for towards each other, and just view sex as something we do to, that benefits both of us, to keep our connection. That was registered as being done by weird people, by the podcast host and viewers, and I didn’t get it.

Why are you trying to keep a romantic connection?!

This. The relationship may be very different, and not necessarily in a good or healthy way, if you are with each again on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's that weird. If it's not broke, don't fix it.

[Anonymous]

It just means neither of you are especially good at maintaining boundaries. Sometimes two people like this find each other. The problem is is both of you are somewhat of an anomaly but neither of you understand that. So people will/may be hurt in the process: your kids, new partners, etc. But neither of you will understand because you’ll think, what’s the problem big deal.

Caveat to my perspective: I dated and had a man proposed to me who continued to hook up with his ex-wife for a decade after their divorce. They had two teenage daughters who suspected, but hadn’t confirmed, the situation. When I learned what had been going on, I was absolutely horrified. He either didn’t understand my concerns or was conveniently in denial. He even tried to tell me that “lots of divorced people do this”. I told him I didn’t give an F what divorced people did and that he had no right to bring this messy shit into my life. I obviously dumped him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s in ZERO way holding you back from dating and finding someone else, I guess it’s ok. Personally I’d rather have a clean break and not be entangled.

Of course it is holding her back! She said that he wants to remarry her (after having ended their marriage by cheating), and that she would consider remarrying him. Would YOU want to date someone who still sleeps with their spouse they are considering remarrying? And do you really think she can be all on board with a new partner while also in this situation and considering remarriage with the other guy she is sleeping with?

Super weird. Either remarry him or move on, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yeah that's super F up. Hard pass for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s in ZERO way holding you back from dating and finding someone else, I guess it’s ok. Personally I’d rather have a clean break and not be entangled.

Of course it is holding her back! She said that he wants to remarry her (after having ended their marriage by cheating), and that she would consider remarrying him. Would YOU want to date someone who still sleeps with their spouse they are considering remarrying? And do you really think she can be all on board with a new partner while also in this situation and considering remarriage with the other guy she is sleeping with?

Super weird. Either remarry him or move on, OP.

It's this. If you are considering this, keep sleeping together and accept that you will not have another relationship (because no other partner would get involved with you until this is resolved. If you don't want to be together, stop sleeping together and then you might find someone else.

That's why it's weird. You are not fully done with each other yet.