Would you work full time in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

I have stayed home for a long time now and it’s easy now as my husband makes a ton. It is absolutely been great for the family, and especially my husband. He’s able to maintain pretty singular focus because I do (or hire out) everything at home. He shows up when I need him or when the kids have special things going on.
I think there were also benefits for my kids, in terms of stability and flexibility. (But those are deal breakers). The benefits for me have mainly been that I have time to spend with my kids and I can exercise as much as I want to. (Which I was terrible at when I worked full time).

But even though I now work part time, I won’t lie there were some times that I was really bored. Everyone is different, but it’s not as mentally fulfilling as full time work was for me.

In your case I would take time to try volunteering roles and to look for the perfect part time role. No need to rush. I wouldn’t feel guilty if you don’t go back full time. I make my husband’s life so much easier

[Anonymous]

OP. Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. As some said, this has been a very stressful year and I feel like I need some time to catch my breath. And I will only have kids at home for 7 years, so if I have the chance, I’m tempted to get more time with them. On the other hand, as PPs noted, it will be very hard to get back into the job market as I get older.

So, no clarity yet, but you all have given me a lot to think about, thanks! And today’s decision doesn’t have to be a forever decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. As some said, this has been a very stressful year and I feel like I need some time to catch my breath. And I will only have kids at home for 7 years, so if I have the chance, I’m tempted to get more time with them. On the other hand, as PPs noted, it will be very hard to get back into the job market as I get older.

So, no clarity yet, but you all have given me a lot to think about, thanks! And today’s decision doesn’t have to be a forever decision.

Enjoy the time with your family/kids. You are correct, you cannot get that time back. But if you ever think you might want to jump back into the workforce in the future, then I'd highly recommend working PT/contracting/etc so you are more readily hirable should you want/need to.

[Anonymous]

I get it. I’m 48, my DH makes slightly more and we have a kid already though college and another heading off next fall. but we don’t have a mortgage on our primary home, but do carry mortgages on rentals that we’ve never had issues renting but mortgage totals 10k/mo. However I also make around 300k. I still work and simply can’t give up that much money. At this point our financial goals have shifted to creating wealth for our kids and I can’t help but see how life changing that will be for them. Personally my goal is to make it to 55 in the workforce, but it’s a SLOG. I hate working. I’ve always hated working. At this point in time my career goals amount to nothing more than wanting to be a professional dog walker. I’m in Tech and it’s so F’ing boring, soulless, and fake. Im just thankful that i work from home so i don’t have to be nauseated by these people in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I’m 48, my DH makes slightly more and we have a kid already though college and another heading off next fall. but we don’t have a mortgage on our primary home, but do carry mortgages on rentals that we’ve never had issues renting but mortgage totals 10k/mo. However I also make around 300k. I still work and simply can’t give up that much money. At this point our financial goals have shifted to creating wealth for our kids and I can’t help but see how life changing that will be for them. Personally my goal is to make it to 55 in the workforce, but it’s a SLOG. I hate working. I’ve always hated working. At this point in time my career goals amount to nothing more than wanting to be a professional dog walker. I’m in Tech and it’s so F’ing boring, soulless, and fake. Im just thankful that i work from home so i don’t have to be nauseated by these people in person.

Ugh, I feel you, I am the previous poster who lost her job at 46. Is there a certain NW you would feel comfortable retiring earlier than 55?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse is willing to bankroll the family from now on, then it sounds like you can afford to retire. I would recommend doing extra around the house and with the kids so your spouse values your role as a stay-at-home spouse. Most people who resent their unemployed partner feel they are being taken advantage of in some way, so if you make your spouse feel that you are taking extra care at home and with the kids, then it's a win for them too.

I agree. My kids became super-achievers at school once I became a SAHM and their journey from K-12 to college to work was super smooth. My DH takes a lot of pride in how our kids are thriving and how well-adjusted they are. My staying home was a huge win for our family and I took away a lot of things from my DH's plate. He encouraged me to also outsource what I could outsource.

Sounds completely made-up. And I stay home too, with a high achieving kid. She'd have done well in school no matter what, can't take any credit.

I believe that. I have one kid who will succeed in life, almost regardless of any parenting. She taught herself math through pre-algebra in early elementary school by reading the Beast Academy comic books that I had lying around for her older sibling. I think she would succeed in almost any circumstances. My other kid needs support, and that support takes time to give and manage. I suppose if your only kid is like my high achiever, your job is easy!

[Anonymous]

I would never not work FT. A man is not a plan so unless you have your own trust fund, you need to make your own money.

[Anonymous]

We are in a similar situation except it is Dh who is unemployed. You have more retirement/college savings. My kids are 5th and 9th. We are thinking he will look for PT work although I wonder how hard it is to find PT. It's great to have him available for the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never not work FT. A man is not a plan so unless you have your own trust fund, you need to make your own money.

IDK, a man is a plan if you are the type of person who would make it a plan, which means looking for specific qualities and ditching mercilessly those who don't meet them. Which also includes divorce and moving on to the next husband. There are women who are incredibly skilled in executing this "man is the plan" plan. I know a couple of them. One of them was also ruthless when it came to her career, but would never date anyone who wouldn't bring financial value beyond her own to the table. Perhaps for her it was "the man is the backup plan"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Become a teacher.

Worse advice ever! Lol

Guess you haven't heard about the droves of teachers who are leaving the profession because it’s so awful?

The pay sucks, but the hours are good. Lots of days off, and low accountability.

Works for me.

Clearly you haven’t taught. I’m always working. Every night is spent planning for the next day. Every weekend is spent grading.

Low accountability? My plans have to be approved every week. I am held accountable to 7 different administrators and 300 parents/guardians.

Plus, the OP said she’s already burned out. How does teaching help that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have stayed home for a long time now and it’s easy now as my husband makes a ton. It is absolutely been great for the family, and especially my husband. He’s able to maintain pretty singular focus because I do (or hire out) everything at home. He shows up when I need him or when the kids have special things going on.
I think there were also benefits for my kids, in terms of stability and flexibility. (But those are deal breakers). The benefits for me have mainly been that I have time to spend with my kids and I can exercise as much as I want to. (Which I was terrible at when I worked full time).

But even though I now work part time, I won’t lie there were some times that I was really bored. Everyone is different, but it’s not as mentally fulfilling as full time work was for me.

In your case I would take time to try volunteering roles and to look for the perfect part time role. No need to rush. I wouldn’t feel guilty if you don’t go back full time. I make my husband’s life so much easier

Your story is almost mine. Mind if I ask how old you and your kids are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never not work FT. A man is not a plan so unless you have your own trust fund, you need to make your own money.

Everyone should have financial awareness and enough money to cover expenses and save, but how that looks isn't only about whether you work full time or not. Plenty of couples both work FT and do financially poorly due to low income, overspending, and some sah spouses will be set for life due to great planning and wealth. I say this as someone who works FT.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's possible that your DH may not continue to make that kind of income in the future. A lot of highly skilled, competent, well-compensated middle age workers are getting laid off and are having trouble finding comparable roles. I think we're in for a lot of economic upheaval in the coming years. Also, do you plan to help kids with weddings, grad schools, and down payments? (The latter is almost necessary these days for first time homebuyers.) That said, I do think you should take some time to reset. How's your health? The late 40s hits women pretty hard, and if you're stressed, not exercising or eating well, it's going to hit like a ton of bricks. So make sure to put your effort into these things. Part-time/consulting is probably your best route if you can find something so that you have more options in the future. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, take a break and reevaluate after spring break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never not work FT. A man is not a plan so unless you have your own trust fund, you need to make your own money.

IDK, a man is a plan if you are the type of person who would make it a plan, which means looking for specific qualities and ditching mercilessly those who don't meet them. Which also includes divorce and moving on to the next husband. There are women who are incredibly skilled in executing this "man is the plan" plan. I know a couple of them. One of them was also ruthless when it came to her career, but would never date anyone who wouldn't bring financial value beyond her own to the table. Perhaps for her it was "the man is the backup plan"

The only way to insure you will have enough money to go it alone is if the mother has her own money (tons of savings, trust fund) or has a great pre-nup. I wouldn’t even totally trust the pre-nup though.