Bright 8th grader avoiding work and getting Cs/Ds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my DS. I thought it was ADHD and it may be but ultimately it was a matter of him caring more. When I showed him options (for high school and what grades were needed, and colleges and career) he tried harder. Went from Cs to almost straight As. When I asked how it happened, DS said he decided he wanted to get better grades and just tried harder. Just my personal experience.

OP here. I worked in schools for a while and have seen a lot of ADHD. I really don't think that's the issue. Bluntly, he doesn't have that excuse.

The above resonates with me. How do I get him to care more??

Trying to be generous - I think maybe his self esteem is low, he thinks other kids are smarter than him, and he is afraid to try. Combined with, his organizational skills are lacking.

Tackling the more tangible issue - how can I help him with organization when he is lying and shifty about what needs to get done? Does that look like sitting for an hour at the table every day, regardless of homework, like a PP suggested, until grades are up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my DS. I thought it was ADHD and it may be but ultimately it was a matter of him caring more. When I showed him options (for high school and what grades were needed, and colleges and career) he tried harder. Went from Cs to almost straight As. When I asked how it happened, DS said he decided he wanted to get better grades and just tried harder. Just my personal experience.

OP here. I worked in schools for a while and have seen a lot of ADHD. I really don't think that's the issue. Bluntly, he doesn't have that excuse.

The above resonates with me. How do I get him to care more??

Trying to be generous - I think maybe his self esteem is low, he thinks other kids are smarter than him, and he is afraid to try. Combined with, his organizational skills are lacking.

Tackling the more tangible issue - how can I help him with organization when he is lying and shifty about what needs to get done? Does that look like sitting for an hour at the table every day, regardless of homework, like a PP suggested, until grades are up?

I have posted this suggestion before. Get a white board and every sunday night, map out the next 2 weeks with all tests, large assignments due, ECs, family obligations, and even big social things he wants to do or knows he might want to do. Block out the time to get things done. Teach not procrastinating. The anxiety of being behind and overwhelmed at the last minute is a terrible feeling and leads to the shifty behavior and lying and avoidance. Don't leave everything until the night before. Once my kid figured that out for himself and had a plan, he was much better. He's now in high school and does it himself and more or less in his head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my DS. I thought it was ADHD and it may be but ultimately it was a matter of him caring more. When I showed him options (for high school and what grades were needed, and colleges and career) he tried harder. Went from Cs to almost straight As. When I asked how it happened, DS said he decided he wanted to get better grades and just tried harder. Just my personal experience.

OP here. I worked in schools for a while and have seen a lot of ADHD. I really don't think that's the issue. Bluntly, he doesn't have that excuse.

The above resonates with me. How do I get him to care more??

Trying to be generous - I think maybe his self esteem is low, he thinks other kids are smarter than him, and he is afraid to try. Combined with, his organizational skills are lacking.

Tackling the more tangible issue - how can I help him with organization when he is lying and shifty about what needs to get done? Does that look like sitting for an hour at the table every day, regardless of homework, like a PP suggested, until grades are up?

Sit with him and teach him how to organize his schedule. Do it until he understands the process. Praise him as things get better. Praise the effort and the results. Tell him you know he can do better if he tries and you are requiring he try. He needs to know this is important and that you will be with him to get it done.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my ADHD 9th grader. I agree about getting him evaluated. It’s been a struggle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But C’s are not bad grades. Remember: a C simply means average.

In private school, yes but if kids get Cs in public schools these days, it’s the equivalent of an F.

[Anonymous]

Just chiming in to agree with some others - get a Neuropsych evaluation as soon as you can. My DD (also v. bright, also stopped doing work and started getting terrible grades) has ADHD and this is how it presented. It can be very sneaky in smart kids who are not obviously hyperactive and previously had done well. Or there could be another issue in the background. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are overwhelming him.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a typical middle school kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my DS. I thought it was ADHD and it may be but ultimately it was a matter of him caring more. When I showed him options (for high school and what grades were needed, and colleges and career) he tried harder. Went from Cs to almost straight As. When I asked how it happened, DS said he decided he wanted to get better grades and just tried harder. Just my personal experience.

OP here. I worked in schools for a while and have seen a lot of ADHD. I really don't think that's the issue. Bluntly, he doesn't have that excuse.

The above resonates with me. How do I get him to care more??

Trying to be generous - I think maybe his self esteem is low, he thinks other kids are smarter than him, and he is afraid to try. Combined with, his organizational skills are lacking.

Tackling the more tangible issue - how can I help him with organization when he is lying and shifty about what needs to get done? Does that look like sitting for an hour at the table every day, regardless of homework, like a PP suggested, until grades are up?

OP, this sounds kind of like my 10th grader. I don’t know how to motivate him or get him to care. He is very stubborn. He tends to care toward the end of the semester and will bring his grades up just enough. I think your plan of sitting with him everyday is good, and checking all the school platforms with him. Once a week isn’t enough because teachers add timings as the week goes on. I will sometimes sit near my son while he does his homework independently, just so I know he’s on task. Not often anymore, but at your son’s age I did this more and it helped.

[Anonymous]

Simple way to ferret out the lying: look at his paperwork with him to understand the requirements.

In kids' defense, the convoluted, inconsistent, and contradictory system for assigning and submitting homework is absolutely insane nowadays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a typical middle school kid.

Exactly !

And don’t forget: C’s earn degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A very similar dynamic for me and my now sophomore in HS.
First, idk if yours have any advanced classes, I suggested mine dropped most of his and our lives became much easier. Probably not the answer you want to hear but I thought I’d share.
Second, we make a to do list on the whiteboard. Yes sometimes we BOTH miss assignments! Some teachers aren’t very organized themselves. It’s ok to catch up sometimes.
Third, he is making progress as he gets into the habit of doing homework. He was always the type that struggled with anything “hard” so now he is developing those muscles little by little.
Finally, I second a thorough evaluation if you can afford it.
best of luck to you and your DS. The key thing is to try and not be so upset with all this. The key for me was letting go of the fact that he won’t be all AP or honors.

Can you talk more about dropping honors and what that did? I’m concerned my freshman is overloaded

[Anonymous]

Middle school workload can be a difficult transition, especially for smart kids who had an easy time in elementary school. Time management , as well as studying, is a skill set. The project due next week needs to be broken down into manageable parts. Love the idea of the whiteboard to visualize the upcoming workload. If you are consistent, they will learn to do this on their own.