People with low motivation/effort->not good at anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm like this. I'm still a productive member of society. I love people, and they love me. And in my late 40s my random hobbies came together into a new career for me. And a decade later i'm traveling the world as the foremost expert on this subject. I needed the breadth of knowledge before the depth of experience could happen.

Thank you for sharing. What was your occupation before the new career? Did you get good grades in school and college, at least in subjects you liked? Were you good at your old job? If you don’t mind me asking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people don't have the tenacity or the skills to do anything hard in life. This is why we need lower level jobs and smaller living spaces. Its also OK to be this type of person and live your life with your family. People do this all over the world and then they take care of their parents in old age.

OMG, you're so close... and yet...

The rest of the world lives this way because it's actually functional. Whatever BS you bought into about how only people at the top of the heap of exhausted human bodies are "successful" is a disease. Condescendingly referring to the things that make your life what it is as "lower level jobs" is more indicative of your mental disorder than actual social dysfunction. I bet you push for "smaller living spaces" because you don't want to pay those "lower level" workers a living wage, right?

Gross. Greedy and gross, and grossly overestimating your own actual worth as a human. You are more than a bank account. Sorry nobody loved you enough to tell you that.

Thank you. I truly believe this person's world view is a huge part of what's wrong with this world. Worth is inherent and doesn't come from what you do. Believing your worth comes from money and success causes you anxiety because you always have to have more and allows you to "other" people, which is toxic.

Lol. Who said anything about them being less worth? Look in the mirror as to why your thoughts went that way. No one needs to support others just because they aren't as skilled. In fact it would diminish their worth as an adult to do so and as you said money does not define worth so money and living spaces don't define worth. They simply define what people can afford. People who have less motivation and skills can make less money and live in smaller spaces and still have worth as a human. You said it yourself.

Define "skills". Because the people you think have "less motivation and skills" probably just have less manipulative tendencies and greed. I know plenty of "skilled professionals" who can't make a simple meal for themselves, or keep a calendar, or carry on a conversation that isn't about their job. Being "skilled" at something that makes you money doesn't make you a well-rounded person. This whole thread is about people who aren't motivated to become that sort of person and how it's a problem. It's not. It's a value judgment by the OP, and badly flawed logic.

OP here, I merely meant not just finding something they claim to like but trying to do well there, I don’t mean career ladder, I mean getting better at the craft. You know, like getting a good grade in it or keeping a job in the field?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of the Type A overachievers in DC look at me this way. I have an impressive graduate degree but never lived up to its potential, largely because I just don't like the field it is in and wish I'd just gotten an MFA in writing and become an English teacher like I wanted. I was told by everyone that was a waste of my intelligence and that is never have any money. My younger self was a people pleaser so I got the more impressive (to them) degree but never felt invested and have drifted through my career.

I'm mid-40s now and financially stable but not wealthy, doing a job no one is particularly impressed by. However, I'm a great parent and have a happy life with my family. I *am* a frustrated writer and wish I had more time to debate to that. I've published a few short stories but that's it. I still plug away at it though. Publishing a novel remains my greatest professional dream.

In DC, I think a lot of people view me as a hopeless dreamer. This used to get to me but now I see that plenty of the people who would judge me that way aren't particularly happy or fulfilled. A lot of highly successful careers start to crust over at my age and, aside from the money, don't look so good. Lawyers who still work 70 hour weeks in the 50s and can't take vacations with their kids because of client demands. Corporate careers that feel soulless and empty -- you'll find 20-somethings convinced their start up or corporate employer is going to change the world, people my age know better and understand it's just a job.

So the main downside is that it's hard to get rich as a drifter. But as a hard and reliable worker, I've always had work and I'm not broke either. I am rich in the things you realize in middle age matter most -- kids, good marriage, good friends, art, intellectual.stumulation.

Well said!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully it’s the right forum.
What happens to these people? Those who claim to have “passions” but are very low effort and therefore no success and then are either bad at it or move on to other things. I know a few young people who are like that. What’s your experience? Do they mature and become good at something? Or do they drift through life, hanging by a thread?

Encourage them to get tested for ADHD (one of dcum's favorite advice). Since they are of adult age, you won't be able to make them get tested tho. Low level depression? Get therapy and possibly on meds (another two of dcum's go tos).

Actually one of them was tested around age 18 and no adhd! -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully it’s the right forum.
What happens to these people? Those who claim to have “passions” but are very low effort and therefore no success and then are either bad at it or move on to other things. I know a few young people who are like that. What’s your experience? Do they mature and become good at something? Or do they drift through life, hanging by a thread?

It’s interesting to look at young people who talk about having passions but never quite translate that enthusiasm into real progress. On the surface it seems like a failure of discipline. But if you examine it more closely, it often has less to do with effort and more to do with timing and environment.

A lot of people don’t discover what they’re good at through a straight line. They experiment. They quit. They drift. It can look like low commitment, but it’s actually a search process. Humans are not very good at predicting what will hold their attention over the long term. We only find out by trying things and watching what sticks.

The ones who eventually excel usually stumble into the right conditions. They meet someone who believes in them. They fall into a workplace that rewards their particular quirks. They encounter a constraint that forces them to focus. What looks like maturity is often just the moment when someone’s abilities finally intersect with the right context.

And yes, some people drift longer than others. But drifting is not the same as being lost. It can be a prelude to competence. Many adults who seem highly directed now spent their early years bouncing between half-formed interests. Their eventual success came from discovering the ecosystem that made sustained effort feel possible.

In other words, the outcome depends less on the passion itself and more on the situation that gives that passion a place to grow.

Thank you, this is very interesting. I recently discovered that knowing (or thinking they know) what they want to do and effort don’t always correlate. There are “kids” who aren’t interested in anything much yet they are conscientious and put in effort, and then there are “kids” who claim to be interested yet they put in very little effort. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm like this. I'm still a productive member of society. I love people, and they love me. And in my late 40s my random hobbies came together into a new career for me. And a decade later i'm traveling the world as the foremost expert on this subject. I needed the breadth of knowledge before the depth of experience could happen.

Thank you for sharing. What was your occupation before the new career? Did you get good grades in school and college, at least in subjects you liked? Were you good at your old job? If you don’t mind me asking

In both high school and college I had a 3.5 taking random classes that interested me but not a rigorous course. My EC if you can call it that was playing in a garage band. In my 20s I worked retail at boutiques. I was a bartender and cook. I airways liked my colleagues but never really my jobs. I went to law school (night school) in my 30s. I only lasted 2 years at a firm and went back to food and beverage.

I guess looking back, I liked being around people and on some sort of stage even if i wasn't good at anything at first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no skills, but I'm a very good worker. I have been rehired at my customer service job by three different companies 10 times at minimum.
I was too busy surviving as an immigrant from age 18-30 working low wage jobs. I had no time to think about my passions or wants.
Comes out that my passion is personal finance.
I remember counting my pennies even as a kid in the old country. I had no idea that dealing with money can be a career. We didn't even have banks back at home. I also found a budgeting notebook from year 2001. It was normal for me to have them.
I invested some of my money and it replaced my low income very fast. Now I work only part time to keep busy. I'm at an age now (48) where I need to concentrate on building muscle and keep healthy. Glad I have the time.
I don't know too many immigrants that are low effort, but the Americans I know, have family homes and some support to be able to survive.
If my kid ends up being low effort, he has family to turn to. He is working at 18 already while in college. He said working is better than
sitting at home. Silly him.

You are the counter example of what I was talking about! -OP

[Anonymous]

Retail service. Low end construction/labor.
Petty crime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of the Type A overachievers in DC look at me this way. I have an impressive graduate degree but never lived up to its potential, largely because I just don't like the field it is in and wish I'd just gotten an MFA in writing and become an English teacher like I wanted. I was told by everyone that was a waste of my intelligence and that is never have any money. My younger self was a people pleaser so I got the more impressive (to them) degree but never felt invested and have drifted through my career.

I'm mid-40s now and financially stable but not wealthy, doing a job no one is particularly impressed by. However, I'm a great parent and have a happy life with my family. I *am* a frustrated writer and wish I had more time to debate to that. I've published a few short stories but that's it. I still plug away at it though. Publishing a novel remains my greatest professional dream.

In DC, I think a lot of people view me as a hopeless dreamer. This used to get to me but now I see that plenty of the people who would judge me that way aren't particularly happy or fulfilled. A lot of highly successful careers start to crust over at my age and, aside from the money, don't look so good. Lawyers who still work 70 hour weeks in the 50s and can't take vacations with their kids because of client demands. Corporate careers that feel soulless and empty -- you'll find 20-somethings convinced their start up or corporate employer is going to change the world, people my age know better and understand it's just a job.

So the main downside is that it's hard to get rich as a drifter. But as a hard and reliable worker, I've always had work and I'm not broke either. I am rich in the things you realize in middle age matter most -- kids, good marriage, good friends, art, intellectual.stumulation.

I think you are actually the counter example, you didn’t follow a passion but you worked hard and you are doing well. I am talking more about a situation where you would follow your passion for writing yet not put in much effort and either be a low performer or move on to another passion. But one thing you made me think about - being a not so high performer still doesn’t mean one can’t have a job! -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm like this. I'm still a productive member of society. I love people, and they love me. And in my late 40s my random hobbies came together into a new career for me. And a decade later i'm traveling the world as the foremost expert on this subject. I needed the breadth of knowledge before the depth of experience could happen.

Thank you for sharing. What was your occupation before the new career? Did you get good grades in school and college, at least in subjects you liked? Were you good at your old job? If you don’t mind me asking

In both high school and college I had a 3.5 taking random classes that interested me but not a rigorous course. My EC if you can call it that was playing in a garage band. In my 20s I worked retail at boutiques. I was a bartender and cook. I airways liked my colleagues but never really my jobs. I went to law school (night school) in my 30s. I only lasted 2 years at a firm and went back to food and beverage.

I guess looking back, I liked being around people and on some sort of stage even if i wasn't good at anything at first.

Thank you so much, I think this is the most relevant (if optimistic!) scenario for what I was asking. The young people I talked about are also not great not terrible at school or if they are out of school they work random jobs. I hope they find what works for them, like you did!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of the Type A overachievers in DC look at me this way. I have an impressive graduate degree but never lived up to its potential, largely because I just don't like the field it is in and wish I'd just gotten an MFA in writing and become an English teacher like I wanted. I was told by everyone that was a waste of my intelligence and that is never have any money. My younger self was a people pleaser so I got the more impressive (to them) degree but never felt invested and have drifted through my career.

I'm mid-40s now and financially stable but not wealthy, doing a job no one is particularly impressed by. However, I'm a great parent and have a happy life with my family. I *am* a frustrated writer and wish I had more time to debate to that. I've published a few short stories but that's it. I still plug away at it though. Publishing a novel remains my greatest professional dream.

In DC, I think a lot of people view me as a hopeless dreamer. This used to get to me but now I see that plenty of the people who would judge me that way aren't particularly happy or fulfilled. A lot of highly successful careers start to crust over at my age and, aside from the money, don't look so good. Lawyers who still work 70 hour weeks in the 50s and can't take vacations with their kids because of client demands. Corporate careers that feel soulless and empty -- you'll find 20-somethings convinced their start up or corporate employer is going to change the world, people my age know better and understand it's just a job.

So the main downside is that it's hard to get rich as a drifter. But as a hard and reliable worker, I've always had work and I'm not broke either. I am rich in the things you realize in middle age matter most -- kids, good marriage, good friends, art, intellectual.stumulation.

I think you are actually the counter example, you didn’t follow a passion but you worked hard and you are doing well. I am talking more about a situation where you would follow your passion for writing yet not put in much effort and either be a low performer or move on to another passion. But one thing you made me think about - being a not so high performer still doesn’t mean one can’t have a job! -OP

PP here. It would have been better for me to follow my passion, even if I'd never succeeded as a writer. I had a plan (HS English teacher) for making money and being stable, but I wanted an education focused on writing to improve my skills. This was practical but others in my life (parents, siblings, peers) believed I was destined for some impressive corporate/white-collar career and really dissuaded me. As a result I compromised my goals and essentially "failed" at my chosen profession.

I would have been better if failing as a writer (which I have done anyway) but focusing my life on that passion, with a perfectly respectable backup job I know I would have been fine with. I wasted time and effort on a career I just do not care about to please others, and I regret that.

So yes, I'm the opposite of what you are talking about, but I wish I was exactly what you are talking about. Pushing people with artistic passions into fields that aren't artistic, just because these people seem smart, is not a path to success and happiness. For me it's been a path to mediocrity with no more financial pay off than my "passion" plan. Judging people with passions just because they might not succeed at it incorrectly assumes that their non-passion options will lead to more success. I have not found that to be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people don't have the tenacity or the skills to do anything hard in life. This is why we need lower level jobs and smaller living spaces. Its also OK to be this type of person and live your life with your family. People do this all over the world and then they take care of their parents in old age.

That's been my experience, that these people sometimes make really good caregivers or do well in other jobs that require work but not being super talented at a niche field.

And they do great work to help others, it's just not going to be earth shattering accomplishments or high earning.

They are why minimum wage needs to go up, so they can actually support themselves,.have a small apartment or condo or live with family, and be able to afford health care.

One really nice guy I knew like this ended up taking care of both his elderly parents and running a lawn care business, mostly cutting the lawns of elderly people in town. Another works as a CNA in a nursing home. Another is a cook who also takes care of his disabled brother. None of these people in the DC metro, becithey couldn't afford to live here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all need actual lives with actual problems. Not being driven (into the ground) at 23 is hardly "not good at anything", and there's nothing wrong with working at a bakery and being a decent human being.

This thread seems to be full of people who peaked in college and think being a workaholic is success. You're a mindless cog in a wheel that doesn't give a single eff about you. Please contain your misery instead of trying to project it onto others who are happily living their own lives. Go be (allegedly) rich and (allegedly) successful (according to your narrow ass definition) somewhere else, and do it quietly. Nobody needs your approval.

And if you're treating your own children this way, you SUCK as a parent. Back all the way off! Congrats on the crippling pressure you put on your kids before they even got a chance to be independent adults. Absolutely pathetic.

Yup....So many people like this in the DMV. It's actually sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all need actual lives with actual problems. Not being driven (into the ground) at 23 is hardly "not good at anything", and there's nothing wrong with working at a bakery and being a decent human being.

This thread seems to be full of people who peaked in college and think being a workaholic is success. You're a mindless cog in a wheel that doesn't give a single eff about you. Please contain your misery instead of trying to project it onto others who are happily living their own lives. Go be (allegedly) rich and (allegedly) successful (according to your narrow ass definition) somewhere else, and do it quietly. Nobody needs your approval.

And if you're treating your own children this way, you SUCK as a parent. Back all the way off! Congrats on the crippling pressure you put on your kids before they even got a chance to be independent adults. Absolutely pathetic.

This!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like people with undiagnosed and/or unmanaged ADHD!
But the way you people are talking about them is really trash !
Pound sand!