Relocation Dilemma With Kids in 8th Grade and 11th Grade

[Anonymous]

Any chance you could put off this move, OP? You sound like a thoughtful dad trying to make it all work for both your boys. But I will say that my older kid’s senior year was an important year for building our family identity for the next phase of our lives. Our kids (same age difference) cemented their bond that will pay dividends in the future. If you can avoid splitting up the family, do so.

[Anonymous]

Imho as an expat who moved family several times, I suggest everyone moves and family stays together. I've seen divorces and kids going stray with divided families. Just make sure your kids get a therapist to help them with this transition and you provide kids kind support. All the best!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t move the 8th grader. Have him move with mom and start 10th grade in a new school. Choose a school that is friendly and used to new faces.

[Anonymous]

It’s only a year. People do this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this job super super stable? I would commute Sunday night-Thursday night and get an apartment near work and go back to CT every weekend while you look for a new job that doesn’t require you to move kids that age.

Yeah I would do this (or not take the job if possible). If your son is shy and struggles socially he might really resent you if this goes badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that if you are planning to move to VA and your 8th grader plays sports, the transfer rules are changing next year for freshman eligibility and he likely wouldn't be allowed to play if your wife and older son remained in Connecticut.

I’m not sure I fully understand this rule. Both of my kids are competitive swimmers, and I believe my younger son plans to swim for his future high school in addition to joining a competitive swimming club. Here in Connecticut, athletes have to try out every year to ensure everyone gets a fair chance, and the high school coach selects the strongest swimmers from the group.

There's an organization in VA called VHSL that has rules for what students are eligible to participate in sports in public schools. One of those rules is called the transfer rule that says you have to fully leave your old house and nobody in your family can stay behind if you move, because you can only have one residence. Freshmen didn't use to be subject to this rule. It's clearly supposed to prevent scenarios where a family rents a small apartment in a different school district, but really lives in their old house. But there's technically no exception for moves from out of state.

If your school decides to enforce this rule next year, you'll have to be granted a waiver for your son to try out for the swim team. You'll probably get it, but you'll still have to ask and that would be stressful.

It's just something to add to your list when thinking about moving and worth Googling. It was a big deal in the spring when VHSL made the changes and there are articles about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that if you are planning to move to VA and your 8th grader plays sports, the transfer rules are changing next year for freshman eligibility and he likely wouldn't be allowed to play if your wife and older son remained in Connecticut.

I’m not sure I fully understand this rule. Both of my kids are competitive swimmers, and I believe my younger son plans to swim for his future high school in addition to joining a competitive swimming club. Here in Connecticut, athletes have to try out every year to ensure everyone gets a fair chance, and the high school coach selects the strongest swimmers from the group.

Your kid is fine. If you move into the district, everything is okay. This poster is confused over a rule about kids transferring schools and NOT moving and eligibility at schools that are not their base school.

[Anonymous]

Where are you in CT? Having grown up there, none of the public schools in the DMV are as strong as the best CT schools. At the same times, the schools are less homogeneous here, which might help your son (or hurt depending on how much he fits in in CT).

Also my dad commuted back and forth to DC from CT when I was a senior and it was barely a blip because he come home weekends and I was busy during the week. What seems tricky for your situation is that it might be harder for you to come home on weekends once your younger kids has activities etc in DC.

[Anonymous]

Oh… I get it. Adding to my post above. This could be an issue if they rent a place in VA and keep their main place in a different state.

OP- to fill you in, there have been some recruiting issues in the past couple years and they are cracking down on that. Chances are you could be okay but you only need one person to get nasty and technical and your kid is banned for a year from participating if you own a home and have a rental. Yes, I see it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here. Another option is for me to continue commuting until my older one finishes high school, and then move the entire family to DC. However, that would mean my younger son would have to start at a new high school in his sophomore year. Since he’s relatively shy and takes longer to make new friends, this timing could be challenging for him.

Is your 8th grader involved in an activity or has interests that are easily transportable my concern is that the personality, new school and move is a combination for depression

[Anonymous]

My dh doesn’t reverse commute. Our kids are similar ages and none wanted to move, so he’s been doing the reverse commute for a while, and it’s a non-issue. He travels other places regularly for work but is in the CT office about one or two weeks a month. We just go through the calendar and make sure he’s in DC for anything important for the kids. The kids don’t bat an eye and hardly notice he’s gone during the week. DH loves it bc he can really focus on work when he’s there and usually just works 4 day weeks up there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s only a year. People do this all the time.

Yes, and you will be living in the same timezone which actually helps a lot.

Speaking from experience, FaceTime is a real game changer -- all can eat dinner together -- via FaceTime. Also, each kid will be able to have lots of time with both parents on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here. Another option is for me to continue commuting until my older one finishes high school, and then move the entire family to DC. However, that would mean my younger son would have to start at a new high school in his sophomore year. Since he’s relatively shy and takes longer to make new friends, this timing could be challenging for him.

To me, this is the obvious plan.

It'll be challenging either way.

[Anonymous]

Whole family moves or
You move and kids stay w mom

[Anonymous]

Split the family for a year and put 8th grader in a DC-area private high school that starts in 9th grade.

The high schools here are massive, around 2,000-2,500 students.