ILs take/divide up leftovers without asking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We’re taking others’ advice and DH will be telling them ahead of time that everyone will have enough for the visit, but if there’s any leftovers after the visit, we are keeping them.

I find this just as rude as what they're doing. Leftovers should be for the meal the next day, to be shared by all. You're under absolutely no obligation to make extra so there can be leftovers above that for people to bring home. But if it turns out there are additional leftovers, it's normal to allow people to take a portion home. And they in turn should not be greedy and take all of it.

Were you raised in a barn? When people have hosted you for multiple days, including a full holiday meal that you get at least two meals and a sandwich or two out of, you say THANK YOU and you leave. If you have good manners, you have at least contributed a piece of, a bottle of wine, and/or a host gift.

And any decent guest would hope that they have leftovers for when everyone leaves, so they can put their feet up and enjoy them in peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We’re taking others’ advice and DH will be telling them ahead of time that everyone will have enough for the visit, but if there’s any leftovers after the visit, we are keeping them.

I find this just as rude as what they're doing. Leftovers should be for the meal the next day, to be shared by all. You're under absolutely no obligation to make extra so there can be leftovers above that for people to bring home. But if it turns out there are additional leftovers, it's normal to allow people to take a portion home. And they in turn should not be greedy and take all of it.

This is not some universal truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We’re taking others’ advice and DH will be telling them ahead of time that everyone will have enough for the visit, but if there’s any leftovers after the visit, we are keeping them.

I find this just as rude as what they're doing. Leftovers should be for the meal the next day, to be shared by all. You're under absolutely no obligation to make extra so there can be leftovers above that for people to bring home. But if it turns out there are additional leftovers, it's normal to allow people to take a portion home. And they in turn should not be greedy and take all of it.

Were you raised in a barn? When people have hosted you for multiple days, including a full holiday meal that you get at least two meals and a sandwich or two out of, you say THANK YOU and you leave. If you have good manners, you have at least contributed a piece of, a bottle of wine, and/or a host gift.

And any decent guest would hope that they have leftovers for when everyone leaves, so they can put their feet up and enjoy them in peace.

All of this, right here. Except the hosts won’t be putting their feet up so much as they will be washing the sheets you slept on, cleaning up the guest bathroom, prepping for an upcoming busy week of school and work while the retired folks go home to a clean house and nothing on the agenda for another month at least.

[Anonymous]

I am gobsmacked that anyone wants Tday leftovers. To me, the traditional menu isn't even worth fighting for on the day itself.

Now if they were stealing leftover fudge and Xmas cookies, I could at least get behind the desire to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We’re taking others’ advice and DH will be telling them ahead of time that everyone will have enough for the visit, but if there’s any leftovers after the visit, we are keeping them.

I find this just as rude as what they're doing. Leftovers should be for the meal the next day, to be shared by all. You're under absolutely no obligation to make extra so there can be leftovers above that for people to bring home. But if it turns out there are additional leftovers, it's normal to allow people to take a portion home. And they in turn should not be greedy and take all of it.

Were you raised in a barn? When people have hosted you for multiple days, including a full holiday meal that you get at least two meals and a sandwich or two out of, you say THANK YOU and you leave. If you have good manners, you have at least contributed a piece of, a bottle of wine, and/or a host gift.

And any decent guest would hope that they have leftovers for when everyone leaves, so they can put their feet up and enjoy them in peace.

I've never in my life heard of a host say "and we're keeping all the food." We would be encouraging guests to take more home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We’re taking others’ advice and DH will be telling them ahead of time that everyone will have enough for the visit, but if there’s any leftovers after the visit, we are keeping them.

I find this just as rude as what they're doing. Leftovers should be for the meal the next day, to be shared by all. You're under absolutely no obligation to make extra so there can be leftovers above that for people to bring home. But if it turns out there are additional leftovers, it's normal to allow people to take a portion home. And they in turn should not be greedy and take all of it.

Were you raised in a barn? When people have hosted you for multiple days, including a full holiday meal that you get at least two meals and a sandwich or two out of, you say THANK YOU and you leave. If you have good manners, you have at least contributed a piece of, a bottle of wine, and/or a host gift.

And any decent guest would hope that they have leftovers for when everyone leaves, so they can put their feet up and enjoy them in peace.

I've never in my life heard of a host say "and we're keeping all the food." We would be encouraging guests to take more home.

Yeah, you’ve never had to say it, because normal people don’t ASSume and BRING THEIR OWN TUPPERWARE, FFS. It’s normal for hosts to OFFER, and that’s what I do. But then again, I don’t suffer overnight guests like OP does, and my guests don’t behave like entitled animals, like hers do.

[Anonymous]

Bring out the popcorn.

Each year - there is petty drama on this forum. How poor is OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bring out the popcorn.

Each year - there is petty drama on this forum. How poor is OP?

Apparently the ILs are too poor to afford even a Hampton Inn for a night or two, so there’s that.

[Anonymous]

DH and I cook huge quantities for TG and ask our guests to bring their own tupperware, freezer packs etc. Then all of us divvy up the food for everyone. The last thing that my family wants is to eat TG leftovers for more than one meal the next day.

OP, try doubling up the TG meal quantities. It is wonderful that people want to eat the leftovers. You can send them back home with a taste of the holidays. Food for me is the universal language of love.

[Anonymous]

Are they black? I think in black culture people expect to leave a big meal with a plate to bring home. If so I'd let it go because as a white person I'm not going to attack the culture of another race.

If they're white I'd just say "Actually, we're not sending guests home with leftovers this year. We're eating the Thanksgiving leftovers for tomorrow's dinner. We aren't cooking tomorrow."

But really, your DH needs to be the one to say that to his parents. Not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I cook huge quantities for TG and ask our guests to bring their own tupperware, freezer packs etc. Then all of us divvy up the food for everyone. The last thing that my family wants is to eat TG leftovers for more than one meal the next day.

OP, try doubling up the TG meal quantities. It is wonderful that people want to eat the leftovers. You can send them back home with a taste of the holidays. Food for me is the universal language of love.

I would NEVER do this! That seems SO gauche. I would be embarrassed to be a guest if I did that. I am coming to spend the holiday with you, not to gather up free food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they black? I think in black culture people expect to leave a big meal with a plate to bring home. If so I'd let it go because as a white person I'm not going to attack the culture of another race.

If they're white I'd just say "Actually, we're not sending guests home with leftovers this year. We're eating the Thanksgiving leftovers for tomorrow's dinner. We aren't cooking tomorrow."

But really, your DH needs to be the one to say that to his parents. Not you.

I’m the one with the horrible aunt running out the door with the contents of our fridge. They are half UMC Irish Catholics and half MC New England WASPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I spend days cleaning, grocery shopping, decorating, prepping and cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Every time it is his family’s turn to visit, we have six adults and two kids. The four adult guests drive a few hours to be here, and stay overnight for at least 2-3 nights, so there’s extra breakfasts, lunches and dinners to deal with.

DH’s cousin and his girlfriend are lovely guests; they bring wine and sparking cider, they compliment everything, they ask how they can help.

DH’s parents are horrible guests; they do nothing, they complain if not every possible side dish is served, and worst of all, *before the visit even ends,* they bring out containers that they have brought to set aside “their” leftovers of our big turkey dinner. Now, of course we make enough food that there enough leftovers for at least one additional full meal. But we want that meal to be served to everyone the day after Thanksgiving, when our houseguests are still there, and we don’t want to have to cook yet more food!

Last year, I simply got into “their” stash and set out everything to heat up plates for the next night. They had the audacity to complain. FIL even said “you should cook another turkey breast and make more mashed potatoes so there are enough leftovers for people to take home.”

DH is aware of the problem and is ready to handle it directly this year. I just can’t believe there are people this rude in the world. What kind of guest expects and just takes leftovers, or “claims” them?!

Shoo them out of the kitchen. People take advantage of other people that allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I cook huge quantities for TG and ask our guests to bring their own tupperware, freezer packs etc. Then all of us divvy up the food for everyone. The last thing that my family wants is to eat TG leftovers for more than one meal the next day.

OP, try doubling up the TG meal quantities. It is wonderful that people want to eat the leftovers. You can send them back home with a taste of the holidays. Food for me is the universal language of love.

You guys who don’t have overnight guests but rather “send people home with a plate” are not getting that everyone involved is already getting leftovers, the very next day, and also having turkey sandwiches. Having Thanksgiving overnight guests is a wayyyyy different dynamic than people rolling up at 1 p.m. and leaving at like 7 p.m.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m happy to give folks leftovers and don’t really consider my parents guests; they are family. Seems like you’ve let this go on long enough that they think it’s fine. I’d be embarrassed to have an issue now, after a long time; my parents would probably think we were having money troubles. However he frames it, they are going to find you stingy and rude. Sounds like a very awkward Thanksgiving.

Not op. I never experienced this crazy when I grew up. Guests never showed up with containers and claimed food. They were usually offered a plate to go but no one sidled up to the leftovers with their own containers and loaded up. What op describes is incredibly rude and it speaks volumes about you that you defend it. You were not raised right.

Op's inlaws are rude. She's already done the hard work of hosting and probably providing most of the food. I would not tolerate someone treating me like the help in my own home. I would probably insist everyone go out for a meal if I encountered people who expected me to step and fetch even more for them.

I only encountered as an adult when I took a ham to a family member's celebration, and it was barely touched. It was a small get together and we had turkey, duck, shrimp and ham along with a million sides. There was a non family visitor who I didn't know who was very upset that I packed up the ham and actually accosted me in the driveway as we were leaving. The food had been sitting out for hours if she wanted to grab some she could have done it before. I also thought it was rude that she expected me to leave a large barely touched ham at my relatives house for her benefit. I just rolled my eyes at her and said we were leaving. We had tired young children. If guests showed up at my house with containers I would call them out.