Isolated moms, why not get support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So let me get this straight - instead of inviting this mom to coffee you are posting here and wondering why she doesn’t get therapy?

Correct.

I feel the need to #notallroommoms this because seriously -- they aren't all like this! We are the new family at my DC's school this year and the room mom has been nothing but welcoming, communicative, and kind. And has helped organize some class wide playdates and activities to help the new families meet people. If she has noticed us looking awkward at events or struggling to make friends (I don't know if we look like this or not, we don't have any class friends yet but I don't view that as a big deal), her response has been to be welcoming and helpful, not openly judgmental.

How great! I am also still grateful years later for the kind room moms (and dads) who planned inclusive activities at a time when my kid was having a really rough go and I felt very self conscious about it. I feel like room parents sometimes think their job is to suck up to the teacher instead of create community.

[Anonymous]

Being a room mom is a volunteer role that anyone is welcome to take on. Each year, we have new families joining, and a "summer family" is assigned to help them get settled. In addition, the room mom organizes a series of events, including a "new mom" event, a "new class" event, and two "new parent" events — so it's quite a bit to manage!

It's totally normal for new families to face a bit of a rough transition. While it may feel like November is still early, some families (even after 2, 3, or 4 years) are still adjusting. If challenges persist, therapy might be a helpful option to consider.

As for the "mind your own business" posters — they're not wrong. But sometimes, it's hard not to wonder: when the moms are talking about soccer, why not take a moment to listen and then contribute something that might be relevant to the conversation?

Like everyone else, we have too much to juggle and not enough time, so back to MYOB for us!

[Anonymous]

DC mentioned a classmate seems to have issue like uncontrolled screaming during class very often (sn), and I told DC to be nice to the classmate if no one plays with him/her. You can simply ask your child to include the new classmate during recess etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the class mom, I make it a point to check in with families, especially those who are new to the school. Recently, I had a conversation with a mom whose daughter is having a tough time adjusting. She mentioned that her child isn’t quite fitting in, and that other families have established relationships that make it harder for her daughter to feel included.

I know from experience that it takes time for new families to settle into the community, and some years are more challenging than others. However, in this particular case, it seems the family is still struggling to integrate. At a recent parent night, the father mostly stayed on his phone, and the mother appeared somewhat reserved—at first, she interacted with others, but then spent the rest of the evening walking around alone and eventually ended up sitting with her husband, both on their phones.
It seems like this family may be having difficulty building connections.

Why wouldn’t a parent in this situation explore some outside support, like therapy to work through barriers that may be making it harder for them to adjust? Making connections can be tough, and professional guidance could offer a fresh perspective.

OP, they might already have a community or not want to hang out with you.

I’m not rude enough to be on my phone and I chit chat, but I’m not interested in the room mom scene. I prefer my own friends outside of children. It’s not that I can’t integrate or make a connection but I choose a different community than you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the class mom, I make it a point to check in with families, especially those who are new to the school. Recently, I had a conversation with a mom whose daughter is having a tough time adjusting. She mentioned that her child isn’t quite fitting in, and that other families have established relationships that make it harder for her daughter to feel included.

I know from experience that it takes time for new families to settle into the community, and some years are more challenging than others. However, in this particular case, it seems the family is still struggling to integrate. At a recent parent night, the father mostly stayed on his phone, and the mother appeared somewhat reserved—at first, she interacted with others, but then spent the rest of the evening walking around alone and eventually ended up sitting with her husband, both on their phones.
It seems like this family may be having difficulty building connections.

Why wouldn’t a parent in this situation explore some outside support, like therapy to work through barriers that may be making it harder for them to adjust? Making connections can be tough, and professional guidance could offer a fresh perspective.

Have you considered getting a job or a new hobby? Working for free for a school is a strange hobby.

[Anonymous]

This post is everything I hate about motherhood. You assume that because your kids are in the same class the other mother should try to make friends with you and revolve her life around an elementary school classroom like you are. Do you expect the same of the father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a room mom is a volunteer role that anyone is welcome to take on. Each year, we have new families joining, and a "summer family" is assigned to help them get settled. In addition, the room mom organizes a series of events, including a "new mom" event, a "new class" event, and two "new parent" events — so it's quite a bit to manage!

It's totally normal for new families to face a bit of a rough transition. While it may feel like November is still early, some families (even after 2, 3, or 4 years) are still adjusting. If challenges persist, therapy might be a helpful option to consider.

As for the "mind your own business" posters — they're not wrong. But sometimes, it's hard not to wonder: when the moms are talking about soccer, why not take a moment to listen and then contribute something that might be relevant to the conversation?

Like everyone else, we have too much to juggle and not enough time, so back to MYOB for us!

Why not take a moment to actually bring the new parent into the conversation?

Seriously, this is all about the cliquey little school environment where so many parents enjoy being “in” and judging those who are “out.”

The “in” parents are the ones who need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a room mom is a volunteer role that anyone is welcome to take on. Each year, we have new families joining, and a "summer family" is assigned to help them get settled. In addition, the room mom organizes a series of events, including a "new mom" event, a "new class" event, and two "new parent" events — so it's quite a bit to manage!

It's totally normal for new families to face a bit of a rough transition. While it may feel like November is still early, some families (even after 2, 3, or 4 years) are still adjusting. If challenges persist, therapy might be a helpful option to consider.

As for the "mind your own business" posters — they're not wrong. But sometimes, it's hard not to wonder: when the moms are talking about soccer, why not take a moment to listen and then contribute something that might be relevant to the conversation?

Like everyone else, we have too much to juggle and not enough time, so back to MYOB for us!

Why not take a moment to actually bring the new parent into the conversation?

Seriously, this is all about the cliquey little school environment where so many parents enjoy being “in” and judging those who are “out.”

The “in” parents are the ones who need therapy.

This is the kind of comment that makes me wonder why there aren’t social skills classes for adults. Stopping a conversation about soccer to ask, “Does your child play soccer” is a terrible opportunity for connection relative to listening to get an understanding of how parents feel about soccer. Then when parents to start to say something relatable like what it’s like to have a leftie playing forward, it’s easy to jump in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a room mom is a volunteer role that anyone is welcome to take on. Each year, we have new families joining, and a "summer family" is assigned to help them get settled. In addition, the room mom organizes a series of events, including a "new mom" event, a "new class" event, and two "new parent" events — so it's quite a bit to manage!

It's totally normal for new families to face a bit of a rough transition. While it may feel like November is still early, some families (even after 2, 3, or 4 years) are still adjusting. If challenges persist, therapy might be a helpful option to consider.

As for the "mind your own business" posters — they're not wrong. But sometimes, it's hard not to wonder: when the moms are talking about soccer, why not take a moment to listen and then contribute something that might be relevant to the conversation?

Like everyone else, we have too much to juggle and not enough time, so back to MYOB for us!

Why not take a moment to actually bring the new parent into the conversation?

Seriously, this is all about the cliquey little school environment where so many parents enjoy being “in” and judging those who are “out.”

The “in” parents are the ones who need therapy.

This is the kind of comment that makes me wonder why there aren’t social skills classes for adults. Stopping a conversation about soccer to ask, “Does your child play soccer” is a terrible opportunity for connection relative to listening to get an understanding of how parents feel about soccer. Then when parents to start to say something relatable like what it’s like to have a leftie playing forward, it’s easy to jump in.

Huh? The social skills part of this (assuming OP is genuine in wanting to support new families) is for the clique to reach out to the new person and draw them in. Not to continue their in-group conversation. It’s one thing to do that at a soccer game; another to ice out new families at a school event.

[Anonymous]

You want me to go to therapy because I have a nerdy, introverted husband and a nerdy introverted child so I'm not fitting in with your super amazing families.
I picked the school for the education. I have personally fundraised thousands for your PTO. I've bee nothing but friendly to everyone. But "my family isn't making connections" so I'm a faulty human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a room mom is a volunteer role that anyone is welcome to take on. Each year, we have new families joining, and a "summer family" is assigned to help them get settled. In addition, the room mom organizes a series of events, including a "new mom" event, a "new class" event, and two "new parent" events — so it's quite a bit to manage!

It's totally normal for new families to face a bit of a rough transition. While it may feel like November is still early, some families (even after 2, 3, or 4 years) are still adjusting. If challenges persist, therapy might be a helpful option to consider.

As for the "mind your own business" posters — they're not wrong. But sometimes, it's hard not to wonder: when the moms are talking about soccer, why not take a moment to listen and then contribute something that might be relevant to the conversation?

Like everyone else, we have too much to juggle and not enough time, so back to MYOB for us!

Why not take a moment to actually bring the new parent into the conversation?

Seriously, this is all about the cliquey little school environment where so many parents enjoy being “in” and judging those who are “out.”

The “in” parents are the ones who need therapy.

This is the kind of comment that makes me wonder why there aren’t social skills classes for adults. Stopping a conversation about soccer to ask, “Does your child play soccer” is a terrible opportunity for connection relative to listening to get an understanding of how parents feel about soccer. Then when parents to start to say something relatable like what it’s like to have a leftie playing forward, it’s easy to jump in.

Huh? The social skills part of this (assuming OP is genuine in wanting to support new families) is for the clique to reach out to the new person and draw them in. Not to continue their in-group conversation. It’s one thing to do that at a soccer game; another to ice out new families at a school event.

The social skills part of this is being able to read and jump into any social situation.

[Anonymous]

Just adding to the reasons I feel rooms moms and PTA in general are the dumbest things ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is everything I hate about motherhood. You assume that because your kids are in the same class the other mother should try to make friends with you and revolve her life around an elementary school classroom like you are. Do you expect the same of the father?

+1 This is also something that is just occurring for the last few generation of kids.

My parents were not ‘friends’ with my friends’ parents. They were cordial and casually chatted with them, but they had their own friends who were completely separate from mine. They are in fact still close with these people even today as 70- something year olds.

Meanwhile OP’s school based ‘friends’ will all drift apart by the time her kid finishes middle school. She will realize that these people are actually acquaintances that she’s made through her child’s school, not real friends.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they’re picking up on the fact that you are a judgmental b-word.

[Anonymous]

Ffs I don’t have time nor money for therapy. Who does? I also have found therapy to be a negative (maybe it’s great for abuse victims or trauma victims but not for normal depression). They validate all negative thoughts and encourage people to ruminate and cut off family and friends.