Is this rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks with any type of medical issue or food restriction always make every single thing about them. It literally becomes them.

It’s exhausting.

Maybe for selfish people who are poor hosts, it is exhausting. I entertain frequently and am happy to plan and execute menus that work for my friends who are vegan, vegetarian, don’t eat pork for religious reasons, and those who have wheat allergies, tree nut/peanut allergies, fish allergies, and shellfish allergies. Then again, I’m a creative and talented host, so I have no idea how I would feel if I were a lackluster, flustered host. YMMV.

DP, I’m more of a lackluster, flustered host, but I still accommodate what people eat or other needs.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think what you are not realizing is that these folks may interact with other people who are not as thoughtful as you are. If I ate out 6x a year, I’m not going to remember who served what every time. Best to communicate and let people know than require them to remember MY particular needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear people look for a reason to get offended and stay offended.

OP is clearly a flustered, overwhelmed host who has no talent or capacity for entertaining. For experienced, good hosts who actually welcome people into their homes, this is not a problem at all.

Wow, My family has literally had the same pizza meal the night before TG for 10 plus years. It has always been fully vegetarian. I am not flustered or overwhelmed by ordering pizza. It is barely entertaining. DH suggested that all invites to sibling state that is will be a vegetarian meal so they know we have not suddenly forgotten. That is probably the way I will go.

Thanks for your thoughts DCUM. Enjoy your TG!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear people look for a reason to get offended and stay offended.

OP is clearly a flustered, overwhelmed host who has no talent or capacity for entertaining. For experienced, good hosts who actually welcome people into their homes, this is not a problem at all.

Wow, My family has literally had the same pizza meal the night before TG for 10 plus years. It has always been fully vegetarian. I am not flustered or overwhelmed by ordering pizza. It is barely entertaining. DH suggested that all invites to sibling state that is will be a vegetarian meal so they know we have not suddenly forgotten. That is probably the way I will go.

Thanks for your thoughts DCUM. Enjoy your TG!

I hope you can calm down enough to enjoy your Thanksgiving. A vegetarian making sure a host knew they were vegetarian is a normal and polite thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I eat some meat, but I’ve personally witnessed situations where the host ordered, say, one cheese or one veggie pizza, but it looked good to the kids and even the meat eaters, so the vegetarian had only one or two pieces of pizza while everyone else had three or more.

This happens so often!

They order one veggie pizza. Everyone takes a slice of veggie and one meat. Pretty soon all that’s left is a bunch of sausage or meat lovers pizza.

There have been so many times I was assured that there’s a vegetarian option, but unless I’m first in line, it’s gone by the time it’s my turn to serve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you are right but really do you think I am going to invite you over and not serve food you will eat? It's a close relative not someone I only talk to once a year. There is a second vegetarian too. They are easy going about it. Oh don't worry ..I am fine with salad etc

I’ve been in situations where there is nothing.

I have never neglected them in any way. I usually make a fully vegetarian meal when they visit (which is multiple times a year). I could see letting someone you don't know well know. This just feels critical or attention grabbing...but I will just continue to provide vegetarian fare and ignore

it’s just a reminder email. What are the other things she has done that makes you think she is being critical or attention grabbing? Does she tsk when others are eating meat? Does she always talk about it when she visits? If anything, it just sounds like she is acting out of her own anxiety and it has nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get worked up about dumb things too, but you are overthinking this and being overly critical. It's her way of reminding you and also not putting a burden on you and I think it's actually nice.

I’m like this too, but it’s not nice. It’s controlling.

Ridiculous. It is not controlling. Gmafb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

for some, but not all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear people look for a reason to get offended and stay offended.

OP is clearly a flustered, overwhelmed host who has no talent or capacity for entertaining. For experienced, good hosts who actually welcome people into their homes, this is not a problem at all.

Wow, My family has literally had the same pizza meal the night before TG for 10 plus years. It has always been fully vegetarian. I am not flustered or overwhelmed by ordering pizza. It is barely entertaining. DH suggested that all invites to sibling state that is will be a vegetarian meal so they know we have not suddenly forgotten. That is probably the way I will go.

Thanks for your thoughts DCUM. Enjoy your TG!

Why do people ask questions and then refuse to hear the answers? OP, you are being so defensive (I’m positive you’re a lovely hostess) and you STILL believe your relative is wrong despite all the responses assuring you this is normal and fine and not offensive.

It sounds to me like you are one of those hostesses who spend so much effort on it that you need to be constantly praised. Your relative not remembering your wonderfully accommodating pizza meal is offensive to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

What’s wrong with eating what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

What’s wrong with eating what you want?

Absolutely nothing. But it’s not the same as an allergy, where you literally can’t eat certain things (that you might otherwise like to eat).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

Sure, but why does that bother you to the point that you'd be cool leaving a guest with nothing to eat? After 35 no-meat years, I know not to show up hungry and make do with what's available. Most of use who choose not to ear animals don't do it for attention or to inconvenience anyone, so I don't understand the hostility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

Sure, but why does that bother you to the point that you'd be cool leaving a guest with nothing to eat? After 35 no-meat years, I know not to show up hungry and make do with what's available. Most of use who choose not to ear animals don't do it for attention or to inconvenience anyone, so I don't understand the hostility.

^^^and sorry for the typos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

Not necessarily, it may be medically required. It’s really none of your business.