Working out-of-town - does this ever work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister took an internship she really wanted so she left her two toddlers at home with her working husband for a summer. He was resentful and the infidelity began then.
Fast forward 10 years later, sister again takes a job a plane flight away. She is gone 3/4 days per week and home for the rest. The kids are teens at this point. The divorce that was always in the background came into the foreground. Because of her job, she lost primary custody of her children. Her husband worked near home (silicon valley) and ended up with full custody and the house.
Her children took that opportunity to go no contact with her. Her career faltered. Today, she has no career and no stable home.
So dear OP, be careful what you wish for.

There’s definitely more to this story. Teens don’t choose to go no contact with their mom simply because she is working a plane ride away 3-4 days a week.

They went no contact because she has personality issues. The kind of personality issues that were at play when she left her toddlers to a spouse who disagreed with the plan. The same personality that decided it was OK to leave her middle schoolers for her silicon valley tech industry spouse (read: long hours) to deal with while she pursued her career.
It wasn't for many of money.
It was for personal self fulfillment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is common in the military - uniformed member gets stationed somewhere, family stays where the kids are going to school, uniformed member comes home most/all weekends. "Geo bachelors" is the term.

Do you have kids?

The separation is more for deployment. Its rare a family would stay behind, especially lower or enlisted as they couldn't afford to. And, you can only travel so far or you have to take leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister took an internship she really wanted so she left her two toddlers at home with her working husband for a summer. He was resentful and the infidelity began then.
Fast forward 10 years later, sister again takes a job a plane flight away. She is gone 3/4 days per week and home for the rest. The kids are teens at this point. The divorce that was always in the background came into the foreground. Because of her job, she lost primary custody of her children. Her husband worked near home (silicon valley) and ended up with full custody and the house.
Her children took that opportunity to go no contact with her. Her career faltered. Today, she has no career and no stable home.
So dear OP, be careful what you wish for.

There’s definitely more to this story. Teens don’t choose to go no contact with their mom simply because she is working a plane ride away 3-4 days a week.

Sure they can.

Have you ever met a teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should have a heart to heart about whether it’s really “best” to stay where you are because of the lower COL even though you don’t like living there.

For me, 5 days a week every week away from my toddler would be a nonstarter.

Agree - there is some false reasoning in your point number one
It seems you should take the job for sure
The question is should you split up your family for money. I vote no given your kid is so little esp

[Anonymous]

And even if the only goal is money it likely makes sense for him to take the same salary in the dc area - your income now would make up for it presumably and furthermore it definitely would in the future

And you would eh together as a family
And you would be in a place that you don't hate
And you wouldn't be unemployed and risking your career

Seems a no brainer

[Anonymous]

My god, no. My mother did that when I was a teenager. It was awful. With a toddler? Absolutely no way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister took an internship she really wanted so she left her two toddlers at home with her working husband for a summer. He was resentful and the infidelity began then.
Fast forward 10 years later, sister again takes a job a plane flight away. She is gone 3/4 days per week and home for the rest. The kids are teens at this point. The divorce that was always in the background came into the foreground. Because of her job, she lost primary custody of her children. Her husband worked near home (silicon valley) and ended up with full custody and the house.
Her children took that opportunity to go no contact with her. Her career faltered. Today, she has no career and no stable home.
So dear OP, be careful what you wish for.

Her husband is shitty.

My dad worked in oil exploration and was pretty much gone 3-5 month at a time when I was growing up. My mom took care of home and me.
My DH worked in consulting and traveled for 10 years in our 20s until our second kid is 2 years old (then covid hit). I took care of home and kids.
I left home for 4 month in 2022 to double our income. DH sucked up and managed home.
This is how we provide and stay competitive /employed. Don’t wine when you have no skill at 55 and bezos doesn’t want you.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are considering this - but our kids are in college.

He is already traveling 25%/month for work, but thinks his dream position will open up in that city. I am not interested in moving to that city for a host of reasons and we are considering him being there 75% of the time and coming home 1 week/month.

I would never do this with kids who are still living at home.

[Anonymous]

Can you contract work for someone elsewhere? Start your own thing? How much does the money matter in this LCOL area? DC is a tough job market right now and being away from a toddler seems like a last resort tbh.

Taking the job sounds more like an escape fantasy than a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Children, especially toddlers, need their mothers in a way they don’t need their fathers. (Fathers are also important of course!) Don’t do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister took an internship she really wanted so she left her two toddlers at home with her working husband for a summer. He was resentful and the infidelity began then.
Fast forward 10 years later, sister again takes a job a plane flight away. She is gone 3/4 days per week and home for the rest. The kids are teens at this point. The divorce that was always in the background came into the foreground. Because of her job, she lost primary custody of her children. Her husband worked near home (silicon valley) and ended up with full custody and the house.
Her children took that opportunity to go no contact with her. Her career faltered. Today, she has no career and no stable home.
So dear OP, be careful what you wish for.

Her husband is shitty.

My dad worked in oil exploration and was pretty much gone 3-5 month at a time when I was growing up. My mom took care of home and me.
My DH worked in consulting and traveled for 10 years in our 20s until our second kid is 2 years old (then covid hit). I took care of home and kids.
I left home for 4 month in 2022 to double our income. DH sucked up and managed home.
This is how we provide and stay competitive /employed. Don’t wine when you have no skill at 55 and bezos doesn’t want you.

Four months away is very different than working away from home indefinitely. My military dh had an out-of-state posting for nine months when our kids were 3 and 5. I only worked part-time then and I still think of it as a pretty miserable time. I only got by with the help of a regularly scheduled babysitter, a sibling who lived an hour away, and a nearby restaurant that delivered.

I get that op is unhappy, but this is not a good solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister took an internship she really wanted so she left her two toddlers at home with her working husband for a summer. He was resentful and the infidelity began then.
Fast forward 10 years later, sister again takes a job a plane flight away. She is gone 3/4 days per week and home for the rest. The kids are teens at this point. The divorce that was always in the background came into the foreground. Because of her job, she lost primary custody of her children. Her husband worked near home (silicon valley) and ended up with full custody and the house.
Her children took that opportunity to go no contact with her. Her career faltered. Today, she has no career and no stable home.
So dear OP, be careful what you wish for.

I love the aholes on DCUM. Blame the sister for the unfaithful couldn’t-keep-it-in-his-pants BIL’s behavior. And then take pleasure in the sister’s demise. You’re a d*** PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister took an internship she really wanted so she left her two toddlers at home with her working husband for a summer. He was resentful and the infidelity began then.
Fast forward 10 years later, sister again takes a job a plane flight away. She is gone 3/4 days per week and home for the rest. The kids are teens at this point. The divorce that was always in the background came into the foreground. Because of her job, she lost primary custody of her children. Her husband worked near home (silicon valley) and ended up with full custody and the house.
Her children took that opportunity to go no contact with her. Her career faltered. Today, she has no career and no stable home.
So dear OP, be careful what you wish for.

I love the aholes on DCUM. Blame the sister for the unfaithful couldn’t-keep-it-in-his-pants BIL’s behavior. And then take pleasure in the sister’s demise. You’re a d*** PP.

No one is taking pleasure in it, but it sounds like this responder is in some weird way.
As the one who wrote this about my sibling, it is a source of pain to see this happen.
It is a cautionary tale.
Yes, the spouse was shitty. He should have just started divorce proceedings immediately instead of dragging it out. The thing about marriage is that the partner needs to be on board witcompromised. decisions. If not, the marriage becomes compromised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister took an internship she really wanted so she left her two toddlers at home with her working husband for a summer. He was resentful and the infidelity began then.
Fast forward 10 years later, sister again takes a job a plane flight away. She is gone 3/4 days per week and home for the rest. The kids are teens at this point. The divorce that was always in the background came into the foreground. Because of her job, she lost primary custody of her children. Her husband worked near home (silicon valley) and ended up with full custody and the house.
Her children took that opportunity to go no contact with her. Her career faltered. Today, she has no career and no stable home.
So dear OP, be careful what you wish for.

I love the aholes on DCUM. Blame the sister for the unfaithful couldn’t-keep-it-in-his-pants BIL’s behavior. And then take pleasure in the sister’s demise. You’re a d*** PP.

No one is taking pleasure in it, but it sounds like this responder is in some weird way.
As the one who wrote this about my sibling, it is a source of pain to see this happen.
It is a cautionary tale.
Yes, the spouse was shitty. He should have just started divorce proceedings immediately instead of dragging it out. The thing about marriage is that the partner needs to be on board with major decisions. If not, the marriage becomes compromised.

[Anonymous]

My uncle went on a 25 year business trip once, He only came home Thanksgiving, XMAS and for vacation. His kids are very close to him. His marriage was rock strong .He just had a job building aerospace projects all over world and would move every year to new locations.

Then again back in the 1977 he told my Dad he was making 250K a year. My Dad almost passed out.