How to handle this

[Anonymous]

I'm confused by his response. You asked him to Uber so you can take the shared car to a friend's house.

My response to you would be that "you are very selfish."

I don't understand why he said "that's ridiculous" or "you're not listening to me." What does his response have to do with car sharing?

I think you are missing some details OP. Why did he call you ridiculous or accuse you of not listening? Do you know? Can you tell us? If you don't know can you ask him what he means?

I do not think this outburst on his part is about the car sharing. There is something else going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its time for 2 cars.

+This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its time for 2 cars.

+This

They were obviously sharing one car when both were working which means money must have been tight.

So why then would they buy a second car when they are now down to only one person working? They wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. The point of this post isn’t to debate the facts of what happened, it’s more - how do I respond to what felt like a gross overreaction to a *question*? I burst into tears because of how angry he got and the things he said to me, and how quickly. I’m already feeling down - I don’t have much community, I feel very isolated, and I’m really freaking out about getting a new job. He knows this.

We barely spoke yesterday and I slept in another room last night. I don’t know what to do now. I don’t even feel safe talking to him.

Don’t feel safe talking to your husband?

Girlllllll who did you marry & have a child with ? A monster?

You’re over reacting.

[Anonymous]

Get a used car. It’s cheaper than all these Uber trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you pulled your toddler out of childcare? Maybe he thinks you aren't planning to go back to work and are just planning on a life of lunching and having he car while he works and tries to fit in appointments etc.

^^^^ It’s this, OP. How hard, really, are trying to find a job? I know it’s rough out there but looking for a job IS a full-time job. Act like it. You don’t go have daytime play dates with friends that require one of you to spend your tightening funds on an Uber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you pulled your toddler out of childcare? Maybe he thinks you aren't planning to go back to work and are just planning on a life of lunching and having he car while he works and tries to fit in appointments etc.

^^^^ It’s this, OP. How hard, really, are trying to find a job? I know it’s rough out there but looking for a job IS a full-time job. Act like it. You don’t go have daytime play dates with friends that require one of you to spend your tightening funds on an Uber.

Agree with pp. You need to treat job searching like a full time job. Which means child goes back to daycare and you are literally at your desk all day from 9 to 5 or whatever full day work hours you set pounding the pavement...applying to jobs, interviewing with recruiters, studying about the positions or companies you are applying to. My man has been laid off twice in the past ten years and each time this was his strategy. I watched him in his home office spend grueling and long days searching, phone interviewing, camera interviewing, in person interviewing. You need to take your job search seriously and it doesn't quite sound as though you are doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by his response. You asked him to Uber so you can take the shared car to a friend's house.

My response to you would be that "you are very selfish."

I don't understand why he said "that's ridiculous" or "you're not listening to me." What does his response have to do with car sharing?

I think you are missing some details OP. Why did he call you ridiculous or accuse you of not listening? Do you know? Can you tell us? If you don't know can you ask him what he means?

I do not think this outburst on his part is about the car sharing. There is something else going on here.

Why would you say “you are very selfish?” Why wouldn’t you say, actually, I really need the car today for the appt. Would you pls take a uber of plan your visit on a different day, or after my appt? Thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. The point of this post isn’t to debate the facts of what happened, it’s more - how do I respond to what felt like a gross overreaction to a *question*? I burst into tears because of how angry he got and the things he said to me, and how quickly. I’m already feeling down - I don’t have much community, I feel very isolated, and I’m really freaking out about getting a new job. He knows this.

We barely spoke yesterday and I slept in another room last night. I don’t know what to do now. I don’t even feel safe talking to him.

What we are telling you is your feelings aren’t valid, OP. You don’t appear to have considered his perspective, you seem to only want us to agree with you that he overreacted.

Now we find out you basically wanted use of the car for most of the day. Because the friend is an hour away. So that’s two hours of transit on top of the length of the stay. That is a salient detail you curiously omitted in your OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by his response. You asked him to Uber so you can take the shared car to a friend's house.

My response to you would be that "you are very selfish."

I don't understand why he said "that's ridiculous" or "you're not listening to me." What does his response have to do with car sharing?

I think you are missing some details OP. Why did he call you ridiculous or accuse you of not listening? Do you know? Can you tell us? If you don't know can you ask him what he means?

I do not think this outburst on his part is about the car sharing. There is something else going on here.

Why would you say “you are very selfish?” Why wouldn’t you say, actually, I really need the car today for the appt. Would you pls take a uber of plan your visit on a different day, or after my appt? Thanks

Pp here. I never said I was the best communicator. I said that's what I would have said bc I was trying to make the point that her DHs response didn't quite line up with the situation at hand.

I do like your response better and had her DH said that to her things could have possibly turned out differently.

[Anonymous]

Ok, but if she's taking her toddler it is much harder in an Uber with the carseat. I'd take an uber to an eye appointment. I mean heck, it's probably better anyway in case they have to dialate my eyes.

Yikes. His response was OTT.

I don't think ALL doctor's appointments take precedence over job search. Eye appointment vs. interview? Interview. Chemo appointment vs. interview? Chemo appointment.

But THAT isn't even relevant, as she was headed to a FRIEND'S HOUSE.

[Anonymous]

What? She wasn’t taking her child to a friend to job hunt.

She was going to socialize. No that doesn’t come before a drs appt

If OP want to get out - go for a walk to the local park ..or library. Or ask that friend to pick you and the kid up

[Anonymous]

Babe, you're broke. Take the bus! Y'all ever rode on the metro?

Seriously, though. Asking him to spend money y'all don't currently have so you can socialize conveniently instead of working on your job hunt is pretty unhinged. Ask your friend to host on a different day when your spouse doesn't already have plans for the car. And lose the victimese about how you don't feel safe because he didn't speak to you like the princess you seem to think you are. Address your side of this problem and that one goes away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by his response. You asked him to Uber so you can take the shared car to a friend's house.

My response to you would be that "you are very selfish."

I don't understand why he said "that's ridiculous" or "you're not listening to me." What does his response have to do with car sharing?

I think you are missing some details OP. Why did he call you ridiculous or accuse you of not listening? Do you know? Can you tell us? If you don't know can you ask him what he means?

I do not think this outburst on his part is about the car sharing. There is something else going on here.

Why would you say “you are very selfish?” Why wouldn’t you say, actually, I really need the car today for the appt. Would you pls take a uber of plan your visit on a different day, or after my appt? Thanks

Pp here. I never said I was the best communicator. I said that's what I would have said bc I was trying to make the point that her DHs response didn't quite line up with the situation at hand.

I do like your response better and had her DH said that to her things could have possibly turned out differently.

If she'd had the sense to say to her friend "that date doesn't work; DH needs the car. How about next Monday?" things would have turned out differently. The sort of person who'd be this myopically selfish is probably a PITA on a few other fronts. That plus money stress = overwhelm and poor responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you pulled your toddler out of childcare? Maybe he thinks you aren't planning to go back to work and are just planning on a life of lunching and having he car while he works and tries to fit in appointments etc.

^^^^ It’s this, OP. How hard, really, are trying to find a job? I know it’s rough out there but looking for a job IS a full-time job. Act like it. You don’t go have daytime play dates with friends that require one of you to spend your tightening funds on an Uber.

Agree with pp. You need to treat job searching like a full time job. Which means child goes back to daycare and you are literally at your desk all day from 9 to 5 or whatever full day work hours you set pounding the pavement...applying to jobs, interviewing with recruiters, studying about the positions or companies you are applying to. My man has been laid off twice in the past ten years and each time this was his strategy. I watched him in his home office spend grueling and long days searching, phone interviewing, camera interviewing, in person interviewing. You need to take your job search seriously and it doesn't quite sound as though you are doing that.

Pounding the pavement? What is this, 1920?