Not staying with family at thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

It's much kinder to the host to just make a quick, firm decision to stay at a hotel. Even if initially they are disappointed. It's much less kind to ridicule them, judge them for whatever hospitality they are offering, spread bad feelings around, or be resentful if you were to do it their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old people love big family sleepovers. The old people always have a bed.

This. The old people have their master bedroom and private bathroom. They are perfectly comfortable and could care less about any of their guests. My husband’s extended family boomers would push to put the kids in the backyard in tents during the rainy season. It truly baffled them why anyone would care if the kids were dry or comfortable. I mean as long as the boomers are comfortable and happy that’s all that matters, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are even willing to travel if you have work Wed and Fri! When will YOU get rest Op? Unfortunately I did try to establish boundaries with issues like these with ILs for a very long time and finally ended up not going anymore. My own mom and sister are narcs, but the one thing my mom did was right was make sure we had space and felt welcome when visiting as she wanted to see her grandchildren.

I will never forget when we traveled to ILs and asked that they board the cat if they would not “allow us” to stay at a hotel due to my severe allergy - this cat would climb onto me when I was asleep and my eyes would swell shut. There was no door on the living room where they insisted we sleep on the sofa couch. We happened to come back from the store as we forgot something our first day in town and I saw MIL and FIL sneaking the cat into the house after telling us he was staying with a boarding place for the weekend. We left, with our 2 year old in tow and never stayed over again. MIL told everyone I was lying about my allergy because I was too good to sleep on her sofa. We are estranged now 16 years later. I sure do not miss her 50 year old percolator making chock full ‘o nuts coffee on Thanksgiving despite BIL gifting them a coffee pot and a k cup maker.

Oh, I wouldn't stay in a house with a cat even if the cat was boarded while I was there. My allergies go haywire if a cat has even been there. Maybe if I take allergy medicine in advance and there is no carpet in the house and I don't touch any fabric surface, I can last a couple hours before the sneezing starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old people love big family sleepovers. The old people always have a bed.

This. The old people have their master bedroom and private bathroom. They are perfectly comfortable and could care less about any of their guests. My husband’s extended family boomers would push to put the kids in the backyard in tents during the rainy season. It truly baffled them why anyone would care if the kids were dry or comfortable. I mean as long as the boomers are comfortable and happy that’s all that matters, right?

A soggy tent in the backyard builds character! Kids these days have it too easy. I used to walk five miles to school in blinding snowstorms, up hill both ways.

[Anonymous]

Sleeping in a tent in the backyard with cousins as a kid actually sounds fun to me!

As for the rest, yes you deserve your hotel room. I’d even add a throwaway line that you’re doing it because it’s less work for them to host one less person at their house!

[Anonymous]

Start leaving adult diapers full of shit in their trash cans esp in kitchen because too long a wait for bathrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeezus, your parents are ridiculous. You’re a grown woman. You don’t want to jostle for the bathroom or sleep on the floor. Why can’t they grasp that basic VERY REASONABLE fact?

If they’re upset, that’s their problem and they’ll get over it. Do not engage or waste any more energy on worrying about their feelings over this.

I agree about the parents. I also think the OP is ridiculous for even wondering if she's being unreasonable. I wonder if OP has a hard time enforcing boundaries, so the family walks all over her.

[Anonymous]

Of course not.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you've developed IBS and it's really better for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleeping in a tent in the backyard with cousins as a kid actually sounds fun to me!

As for the rest, yes you deserve your hotel room. I’d even add a throwaway line that you’re doing it because it’s less work for them to host one less person at their house!

None, not one of the kids wanted to do this. Awful!

We got hotel rooms on the same floor. Kids had fun going to each others room, we took them to the indoor pool and they had a blast, the early risers were able to go downstairs and get a lite breakfast without anyone screeching that they need to be hungry when brunch is served 6 hours later, the one that wanted to sleep in were not woken up and everyone arrived at boomer house well rested and able to seem interested hearing about their medical issues, neighbors, and political rants.

[Anonymous]

No need for the host to grasp why or agree, just do what you know is best.

[Anonymous]

If you're more comfortable and can afford it, why not.

[Anonymous]

Tell them that your work has rules about you can only work remotely in a private space and you would get in a lot of trouble if someone would walk by or be loud during a work call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start leaving adult diapers full of shit in their trash cans esp in kitchen because too long a wait for bathrooms.

Oh em gee this thread has gone over the edge.

[Anonymous]

You are NOT being unreasonable. This will be less chaotic.

I could "technically" make it work to host my parents + a sibling/her husband and 2 young children, but I recognize that my parents NEED their personal space to be their best selves and to be present for activities. If they did NOT have their own space and there were constantly kids everywhere, my dad would end up getting really grumpy. I'm still hosting my sibling and her family, but that's because it is easier for them to stay with us.