Need private school ASAP for ADHD 5yo — eloping, dysregulated, needs active learning

[Anonymous]

My child was like yours- got suspended on the second day of elementary school because they didn't follow the IEP and give him a prewarning about a fire drill and he freaked out. I was just as frustrated as you and I looked for any school that might take him. There weren't any. Schools did not want aggressive children who need considerably more attention. And to be honest, you probably wouldn't want the schools that would accept him.

I left him in public and he went through an assortment of placements, including a non-public school. None were right for him and most of the teachers just triggered him. But as he got older, we had a better understanding of what he needed and by high school, he was fully mainstreamed.

It was the toughest road I've ever been on, so I am so sorry you are dealing with it. Between the constant meetings, being on edge every time your phone rings, and other parents isolating you...it is miserable. Both myself and his father had to change jobs due to his constant needs.

So all that said, I still don't think a private school will get you what your child needs. What I would suggest you advocate for is a smaller class- in MCPS it is called SESES, but not sure about PG county. You would argue that this is not his LRE (which seems true based on what you shared). At least then you would have access to more support, a better teacher/student ratio so they are more likely to follow the IEP, and classes with less stimulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child was like yours- got suspended on the second day of elementary school because they didn't follow the IEP and give him a prewarning about a fire drill and he freaked out. I was just as frustrated as you and I looked for any school that might take him. There weren't any. Schools did not want aggressive children who need considerably more attention. And to be honest, you probably wouldn't want the schools that would accept him.

I left him in public and he went through an assortment of placements, including a non-public school. None were right for him and most of the teachers just triggered him. But as he got older, we had a better understanding of what he needed and by high school, he was fully mainstreamed.

It was the toughest road I've ever been on, so I am so sorry you are dealing with it. Between the constant meetings, being on edge every time your phone rings, and other parents isolating you...it is miserable. Both myself and his father had to change jobs due to his constant needs.

So all that said, I still don't think a private school will get you what your child needs. What I would suggest you advocate for is a smaller class- in MCPS it is called SESES, but not sure about PG county. You would argue that this is not his LRE (which seems true based on what you shared). At least then you would have access to more support, a better teacher/student ratio so they are more likely to follow the IEP, and classes with less stimulation.

PP here. MCPS also has ESESES and that was the program that got my kid to the next level. SESES is good too, but not as intense.

[theflash1985]

Wow, I’m honestly surprised by the responses here. I was just looking for school recommendations, not to get dragged.

Funny thing — “difficult dads” like me are the reason OUR special needs kids can even go to public school now. Before 1975, they were literally banned.

The IDEA law that gives your SN kids an IEP and not just home schooled came from parents who refused to stay quiet. In Mills v. D.C. (1972), a dad named David Mills fought for his daughter after she was denied an education — and that fight helped create the rights all our kids have today.

I'll continue advocating for my DS with my wife who is just as passionate as me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child was like yours- got suspended on the second day of elementary school because they didn't follow the IEP and give him a prewarning about a fire drill and he freaked out. I was just as frustrated as you and I looked for any school that might take him. There weren't any. Schools did not want aggressive children who need considerably more attention. And to be honest, you probably wouldn't want the schools that would accept him.

I left him in public and he went through an assortment of placements, including a non-public school. None were right for him and most of the teachers just triggered him. But as he got older, we had a better understanding of what he needed and by high school, he was fully mainstreamed.

It was the toughest road I've ever been on, so I am so sorry you are dealing with it. Between the constant meetings, being on edge every time your phone rings, and other parents isolating you...it is miserable. Both myself and his father had to change jobs due to his constant needs.

So all that said, I still don't think a private school will get you what your child needs. What I would suggest you advocate for is a smaller class- in MCPS it is called SESES, but not sure about PG county. You would argue that this is not his LRE (which seems true based on what you shared). At least then you would have access to more support, a better teacher/student ratio so they are more likely to follow the IEP, and classes with less stimulation.

PP here. MCPS also has ESESES and that was the program that got my kid to the next level. SESES is good too, but not as intense.

This child is in kindergarten. E-SESES doesn't start until high school. They need more programs for elementary students. Does anyone know what PG has?

[Anonymous]

theflash1985 wrote:Wow, I’m honestly surprised by the responses here. I was just looking for school recommendations, not to get dragged.

Funny thing — “difficult dads” like me are the reason OUR special needs kids can even go to public school now. Before 1975, they were literally banned.

The IDEA law that gives your SN kids an IEP and not just home schooled came from parents who refused to stay quiet. In Mills v. D.C. (1972), a dad named David Mills fought for his daughter after she was denied an education — and that fight helped create the rights all our kids have today.

Im the PP with the similar child. I DID look for schools and asked for recommendations. There wasn't anything. That's why I'm not giving you something. I didn't suggest homeschool; I suggested working with the school system to find a more appropriate placement. They do need to provide an education, but there are only so many available for your child's needs.

[Anonymous]

theflash1985 wrote:Wow, I’m honestly surprised by the responses here. I was just looking for school recommendations, not to get dragged.

Funny thing — “difficult dads” like me are the reason OUR special needs kids can even go to public school now. Before 1975, they were literally banned.

The IDEA law that gives your SN kids an IEP and not just home schooled came from parents who refused to stay quiet. In Mills v. D.C. (1972), a dad named David Mills fought for his daughter after she was denied an education — and that fight helped create the rights all our kids have today.

I'll continue advocating for my DS with my wife who is just as passionate as me

Right, just that one guy. I'm sure the school staff will love hearing your ode to angry dads. Was David Mills all rage-y about it?

People are giving you good advice. You just don't want to hear it.

[Anonymous]

theflash1985 wrote:Wow, I’m honestly surprised by the responses here. I was just looking for school recommendations, not to get dragged.

Funny thing — “difficult dads” like me are the reason OUR special needs kids can even go to public school now. Before 1975, they were literally banned.

The IDEA law that gives your SN kids an IEP and not just home schooled came from parents who refused to stay quiet. In Mills v. D.C. (1972), a dad named David Mills fought for his daughter after she was denied an education — and that fight helped create the rights all our kids have today.

It’s 2025 now and there are better alternatives to an IEP if you can afford it. Take advantage of it. Many parents also fought for these alternatives after they realized IEPs didn’t work for them. No judgment just truth. Try that home program with ABA support, your insurance might even cover some of it. Some parents in SC fought for that too.

[theflash1985]

Anonymous wrote:My child was like yours- got suspended on the second day of elementary school because they didn't follow the IEP and give him a prewarning about a fire drill and he freaked out. I was just as frustrated as you and I looked for any school that might take him. There weren't any. Schools did not want aggressive children who need considerably more attention. And to be honest, you probably wouldn't want the schools that would accept him.

I left him in public and he went through an assortment of placements, including a non-public school. None were right for him and most of the teachers just triggered him. But as he got older, we had a better understanding of what he needed and by high school, he was fully mainstreamed.

It was the toughest road I've ever been on, so I am so sorry you are dealing with it. Between the constant meetings, being on edge every time your phone rings, and other parents isolating you...it is miserable. Both myself and his father had to change jobs due to his constant needs.

So all that said, I still don't think a private school will get you what your child needs. What I would suggest you advocate for is a smaller class- in MCPS it is called SESES, but not sure about PG county. You would argue that this is not his LRE (which seems true based on what you shared). At least then you would have access to more support, a better teacher/student ratio so they are more likely to follow the IEP, and classes with less stimulation.

Thank you so much for being helpful - I'll research this. I'd much rather save my $50k/year for renting a townhouse in Montgomery County and just going to one of their FREE public schools with SESES than pay $100k/year in rent and McLean private school tuition and then they kick him out anyway.

[Anonymous]

theflash1985 wrote:Wow, I’m honestly surprised by the responses here. I was just looking for school recommendations, not to get dragged.

Funny thing — “difficult dads” like me are the reason OUR special needs kids can even go to public school now. Before 1975, they were literally banned.

The IDEA law that gives your SN kids an IEP and not just home schooled came from parents who refused to stay quiet. In Mills v. D.C. (1972), a dad named David Mills fought for his daughter after she was denied an education — and that fight helped create the rights all our kids have today.

I'll continue advocating for my DS with my wife who is just as passionate as me

No one is denying your child an education. Your child has a 1:1 aide, which is extraordinary. Your child has an IEP. Your child is being allowed to stay in a mainstream kindergarten class, likely to the real detriment of the other students in the classroom if your child is having as much difficulty as you say. I say this as a child with pretty significant ADHD who was also disruptive to his class as a younger age and believe me, I knew full well that he was taking up more of the teacher's time than was fair to the other students, and I felt guilty as heck about it. You know why? Because the world doesn't exist to bend to my child's needs and wants. It's a tough lesson to learn. If you want to advocate for legislation to give special needs students even MORE funding and accomodations, that's fantastic, but probably not realistic in the current climate, when school funding gets slashed and teachers can barely make ends meet. But don't mistake wanting legislative change for even more resources for your child, for trying to drag the teachers and administrators and case workers who are currently helping your child and thinking that's going to actually help him more. What it is going to do is cause the case worker to quit and then guess what, you don't have a case worker for a while. Tell me how that helps your son.

Look into Ivymount school, might be a good fit. But you'll have to lower your guard so you're not the reason they reject your son.

[Anonymous]

5 is so little. When is his birthday? Maybe he just wasn’t ready this year. What was he doing last year?

[Anonymous]

Was preschool okay? What accommodations did he need there?

[Anonymous]

theflash1985 wrote:Wow, I’m honestly surprised by the responses here. I was just looking for school recommendations, not to get dragged.

Funny thing — “difficult dads” like me are the reason OUR special needs kids can even go to public school now. Before 1975, they were literally banned.

The IDEA law that gives your SN kids an IEP and not just home schooled came from parents who refused to stay quiet. In Mills v. D.C. (1972), a dad named David Mills fought for his daughter after she was denied an education — and that fight helped create the rights all our kids have today.

I'll continue advocating for my DS with my wife who is just as passionate as me

Great. I'm sure the private schools will love hearing you self-identity as a difficult dad. They'll definitely want to admit your kid even more!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was preschool okay? What accommodations did he need there?

OP doesn't want to answer this. Wonder why.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs about wondering how he handled preschool and if that setting was a success for him, consider having him go back to preschool this year and try K again next year, with the knowledge of what worked and what didn't work, and give your son a fresh start in a fresh class. That, plus the extra year of maturity, might be what he needs.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, it's unlikely that any private school will take him. There just aren't any private schools that serve this population.

My kid is similar but much older now. My advice:
1. Medicate. He can't learn skills (or academics) when dysregulated.
2. Get him OT out of school.
3. Fight for accommodations in public.

Give it some time. For my kid, the beginning of the year is a CF. Then it gets better for 2nd & 3rd quarter. Then kid burns out towards the end of the year. Rinse and repeat. But each year does get a little easier, on average.

The extra year of preschool is not a bad idea. Do a TON of OT during that year.