ADHD college kid overwhelmed by assignments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes she talked to her professors and they were accommodating, giving her extensions for assignments. However it’s still hard for her to get assignments done, sometimes it’s just very hard for her to start, even though the assignments are not hard according to her. She told me she wished there was someone who could get things together for her. That’s had been an issue at home but I used to help her. She is a very smart girl, just not good at managing her time.

Can you both just accept less than perfect grades? That used to be the norm. Now everyone expects A’s all the time. I would tell her not to worry, just do your best.

[Anonymous]

My college senior has had an EF coach from here for a few years who is very good:

https://thechesapeakecenter.com/

The coach meets with her virtually 1x/week. We pay around $160 for either 45 minutes or an hour — I can’t remember.

Very helpful because she is very neurodivergent and I am your typical organized person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the school needs to ensure they are making accommodations to ensure her success - have you raised to the administration? they likely have dealt with this before

This isn't for OP to raise with administration. The college student is an adult and needs to self-advocate and take responsibility and accountability.

The real world has little patience for excuses.

+1. This is what happens when mama handles it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the school have office for disable, something like that? I think these kids need some system support. For example the professions give extended deadline and etc. I am very worried about mine too. Mine is in high school, with some help, the report cards are great. But without any help, it could totally crash.

You aren’t getting extended deadlines in college. Won’t happen. You get a syllabus, the end. She needs to drop classes and don’t take more than she can handle. Or try community college where mommy can babysit.

You are a world-class a**hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the school needs to ensure they are making accommodations to ensure her success - have you raised to the administration? they likely have dealt with this before

This isn't for OP to raise with administration. The college student is an adult and needs to self-advocate and take responsibility and accountability.

The real world has little patience for excuses.

+1. This is what happens when mama handles it all.

So are you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the school have office for disable, something like that? I think these kids need some system support. For example the professions give extended deadline and etc. I am very worried about mine too. Mine is in high school, with some help, the report cards are great. But without any help, it could totally crash.

You aren’t getting extended deadlines in college. Won’t happen. You get a syllabus, the end. She needs to drop classes and don’t take more than she can handle. Or try community college where mommy can babysit.

You are a world-class a**hole.

You’re just mad someone told you the truth.

[Anonymous]

19:37 here.

Another thought: your kid should have a set daily number of hours she will sit in the library with books open. Pick a number that is doable to start: four? Don’t worry just yet about what she’s doing while there. It’s a seat-in-butt number, that’s all. That can help ADHDers, because it’s one number, vs. two dozen assignments each of which have many, many steps.

The dancer Twyla Tharp had a pretty famous quote about the importance of just putting yourself in the place where the work can get done, rather than focusing on the work itself:

“I begin each day of my life with a ritual: I wake up at 5.30 A.M., put on my workout clothes, my leg warmers, my sweatshirts, and my hat. I walk outside my Manhattan home, hail a taxi, and tell the driver to take me to the Pumping Iron gym at 91st Street and First Avenue, where I work out for two hours. The ritual is not the stretching and weight training I put my body through each morning at the gym; the ritual is the cab. The moment I tell the driver where to go I have completed the ritual.”

Sitting down in the library and opening one book is the ADHD student’s equivalent of hailing the cab.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post. I'm dealing with this right now with my son. He is trying so hard but just can't seem to get out of his own way. He had an EF coach and got his worst grades ever. Some other things were going on at the time that added to the issue so we may try an EF coach again. Thanks for posting this and for the suggestions above.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am with my DD now and helping her sort out things. I’ll update later. Thanks for all the helpful suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the school have office for disable, something like that? I think these kids need some system support. For example the professions give extended deadline and etc. I am very worried about mine too. Mine is in high school, with some help, the report cards are great. But without any help, it could totally crash.

You aren’t getting extended deadlines in college. Won’t happen. You get a syllabus, the end. She needs to drop classes and don’t take more than she can handle. Or try community college where mommy can babysit.

You are a world-class a**hole.

You’re just mad someone told you the truth.

Do you have a special needs child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes she talked to her professors and they were accommodating, giving her extensions for assignments. However it’s still hard for her to get assignments done, sometimes it’s just very hard for her to start, even though the assignments are not hard according to her. She told me she wished there was someone who could get things together for her. That’s had been an issue at home but I used to help her. She is a very smart girl, just not good at managing her time.

Can you both just accept less than perfect grades? That used to be the norm. Now everyone expects A’s all the time. I would tell her not to worry, just do your best.

With the rampant grade inflation, less than ideal grades mean difficulty in finding jobs down the road. College is becoming very expensive, so it has real world implications, not just emotional ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the school have office for disable, something like that? I think these kids need some system support. For example the professions give extended deadline and etc. I am very worried about mine too. Mine is in high school, with some help, the report cards are great. But without any help, it could totally crash.

You aren’t getting extended deadlines in college. Won’t happen. You get a syllabus, the end. She needs to drop classes and don’t take more than she can handle. Or try community college where mommy can babysit.

Agree. Meanly said, but true. Deadline extensions aren’t the answer anyway. They will still poorly manage time and procrastinate to the new deadline. If your child has ADHD that is not well managed, sending them away to college with a full load of classes is a bad idea. The solution is either to be a part time student with fewer classes. Maybe get a job too so they can have some varied practice in getting tasks completed on time and time management outside of the school setting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the school have office for disable, something like that? I think these kids need some system support. For example the professions give extended deadline and etc. I am very worried about mine too. Mine is in high school, with some help, the report cards are great. But without any help, it could totally crash.

You aren’t getting extended deadlines in college. Won’t happen. You get a syllabus, the end. She needs to drop classes and don’t take more than she can handle. Or try community college where mommy can babysit.

Agree. Meanly said, but true. Deadline extensions aren’t the answer anyway. They will still poorly manage time and procrastinate to the new deadline. If your child has ADHD that is not well managed, sending them away to college with a full load of classes is a bad idea. The solution is either to be a part time student with fewer classes. Maybe get a job too so they can have some varied practice in getting tasks completed on time and time management outside of the school setting

Other option would be community college or a university where they could live at home and you oversee everything- but they will never learn to manage if you are doing that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes she talked to her professors and they were accommodating, giving her extensions for assignments. However it’s still hard for her to get assignments done, sometimes it’s just very hard for her to start, even though the assignments are not hard according to her. She told me she wished there was someone who could get things together for her. That’s had been an issue at home but I used to help her. She is a very smart girl, just not good at managing her time.

She needs an executive function coach. Hire her one. My kid in college has one. They have two zoom sessions a week and she makes sure he stays on top of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - she needs an easier major or she needs to be taking easier classes or fewer classes. She needs to feel ok about dropping classes if she decides without having to convince anyone else. Twelve credits is still full-time. She likely should be taking fewer credits than she is. She needs to be able to take longer than 4 years to graduate. She needs to feel empowered and know that a zig zag path is ok, because for her, that may be the way through.

No. Taking easier classes is not the right advice for an ADHD kid.