Close friend had a party and didn't invite me. How do you deal with the hurt feelings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It think the long phone call was a way for your friend to keep the friendship alive. I don't think she wants to ditch you, but evidently, she can't handle too many at dinner all at once.

This- friends have an order and a sequence and you keep some warm and tend to others at different times. Unless you have a ballroom (!!) nobody can entertain at once.

Also, sad to say that reciprocity plays a huge role. Have you hosted her within the last year?

When we do parties we either go big and knock out all "obligations" at once (yes it's currency). When we have an intimate dinner party, we factor in who has invited us, which couples get along and who we genuinely want to see. Sometimes you don't make the cut. I'm sure we don't make the cut often at all but I'm not on SM and my friends are discreet so I don't know and don't care!

[Anonymous]

When you next chat with your friend, mention, "Hey, Larla mentioned they saw you at a part last week." And see what they say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It think the long phone call was a way for your friend to keep the friendship alive. I don't think she wants to ditch you, but evidently, she can't handle too many at dinner all at once.

This- friends have an order and a sequence and you keep some warm and tend to others at different times. Unless you have a ballroom (!!) nobody can entertain at once.

Also, sad to say that reciprocity plays a huge role. Have you hosted her within the last year?

When we do parties we either go big and knock out all "obligations" at once (yes it's currency). When we have an intimate dinner party, we factor in who has invited us, which couples get along and who we genuinely want to see. Sometimes you don't make the cut. I'm sure we don't make the cut often at all but I'm not on SM and my friends are discreet so I don't know and don't care!

But isn't it insensitive to have a dinner without thr very person who introduced them all and also carry on a long conversation with the OP as if nothing happened. It could cause hurt and embarrassment if the mutual friends mentioned it, which they did. And that embarrassment isn't just for the OP, I'm sure the friend found it awkward as well.

[Anonymous]

No.... But very insensitive for a guest to mention it to op

[Anonymous]

Let yourself be upset for a day or two, and then brush it off and focus on the friends who do want you in their lives. Maybe you think the two of you are closer than she thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - Im sorry, some people suck. IMO she’s probably some sort of social climber/status seeker OR she legitimately thought she invited you maybe? But if it wasn’t an oversight and she talked to you on the phone like that then she’s not worth your time. And honestly what would a conversation do? I wouldn’t be able to trust her again unfortunately.

I had a similar-ish situation that a best friend of mine that I stood by through all sorts of things left me out of an Easter friends gathering. This is months after she asked me/I was her child’s Godmother in the Catholic bc assume she had no one else to ask. She had more ‘important’ fancier (wealthier, connected) friends come along and I no longer made the cut. It was also very clear she has no loyalty. I chose not to say anything because her message was clear and nothing I was going to say would change what she did and nothing she was going to say would me be feel like she could be a true friend or ever was a true friend.

It’s a grieving process

OP here. Yes, I noticed she was being a social climber lately. The new friends I introduced to her have a lot of connections.

It was definitely not an oversight. She called me just a few days before the party and never asked if I got the invite or not. Looks like there were 7 families invited to this milestone occasion.

Its just hard to lose 2 different sets of friends and start again. I just feel blindsided - feels like those who were my friends moved on without me, and I don't get close to people that easily. This just makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am the friend in this scenario. About two years ago, I slowly started fading a longtime friend/relative. I know it hurt her, but telling her why would hurt her even more. Simply put, I had outgrown her, but more specifically, I don't respect her or her choices. I find her integrity and morals to be low. I feel like I made the right choice by not explaining.

Sometimes, just accepting something and moving on is best. I do agree that it sucks that she stole your friends.

You should explain this to her. It's awful of you to just ghost her. You're just as bad.

Not that PP, but if the judgement is that morals and integrity are low, I don't think having a conversation about it is going to fix anything.

I think it's more cruel to state the reason.

I had a guy friend break up with a girl because her lady part smelled bad. He told her, and it crushed her. Some things are better left unsaid. You think being ghosted was cruel, but if you actually knew the real reason, you'd understand that being ghosted is an act of kindness in some cases.

Obviously it was better for her to know so she can fix it.

You can’t always fix these things. Also, it’s just one person’s opinion, not a FACT.

[Anonymous]

I am often surprised which parties I get invited to and which ones I don't, especially when my DC graduated from high school a few years ago. Friends who also were neighbors didn't invite us to their DC's grad party, and it was within view of our house. They have always been invited to our parties, but as I said to DC, this is information that we need to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It think the long phone call was a way for your friend to keep the friendship alive. I don't think she wants to ditch you, but evidently, she can't handle too many at dinner all at once.

This- friends have an order and a sequence and you keep some warm and tend to others at different times. Unless you have a ballroom (!!) nobody can entertain at once.

Also, sad to say that reciprocity plays a huge role. Have you hosted her within the last year?

When we do parties we either go big and knock out all "obligations" at once (yes it's currency). When we have an intimate dinner party, we factor in who has invited us, which couples get along and who we genuinely want to see. Sometimes you don't make the cut. I'm sure we don't make the cut often at all but I'm not on SM and my friends are discreet so I don't know and don't care!

But isn't it insensitive to have a dinner without thr very person who introduced them all and also carry on a long conversation with the OP as if nothing happened. It could cause hurt and embarrassment if the mutual friends mentioned it, which they did. And that embarrassment isn't just for the OP, I'm sure the friend found it awkward as well.

OP. I think that is what hurts me most. The fact that she called and spoke for so long and then a few days later has this party with others who were my friends until I introduced them this year.

To the PP, yes, I have hosted her at both my gatherings this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It think the long phone call was a way for your friend to keep the friendship alive. I don't think she wants to ditch you, but evidently, she can't handle too many at dinner all at once.

Friendship is not there. Leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

I would say, "hey, what's up? You have a party and you invite X, and Y, and Z. And you don't invite me? You call and pretend all is ok. And never mention it? What the h*ll is going on?"

If the relationship is going down in flames anyway, don't let this happen with you staying silent. I think. Imo, that's what I would do. I'd rather "go out" mad and feeling more empowered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let yourself be upset for a day or two, and then brush it off and focus on the friends who do want you in their lives. Maybe you think the two of you are closer than she thinks.

Thank you. I'm an introvert and it took me years to form these friendships. I have 1 other friend who lives a bit further away who I think still wants me in her life. But other than that it was these friends. I think I should just focus on my family more to fill the void.

[Anonymous]

If she's an old friend, it's worth it to give her the benefit of the doubt. I like suggestion 13:11, maybe over a coffee.

Proceed based on what she says. You should get an idea if she intended to invite you and there was a miscommunication, or if she deliberately left you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "hey, what's up? You have a party and you invite X, and Y, and Z. And you don't invite me? You call and pretend all is ok. And never mention it? What the h*ll is going on?"

If the relationship is going down in flames anyway, don't let this happen with you staying silent. I think. Imo, that's what I would do. I'd rather "go out" mad and feeling more empowered.

Wouldn't that be confrontational and make you look like trouble maker?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "hey, what's up? You have a party and you invite X, and Y, and Z. And you don't invite me? You call and pretend all is ok. And never mention it? What the h*ll is going on?"

If the relationship is going down in flames anyway, don't let this happen with you staying silent. I think. Imo, that's what I would do. I'd rather "go out" mad and feeling more empowered.

No one should be feel obligated to invite you just because you introduced them.

I have been the excluded one and I found later why but the point is I never expected one and ultimately I realized we weren't friends