When someone tells you they are not available ever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is either uninterested or too busy or she has mental health challenges.

I think it is spectacular mental health to not be a YES woman and to be honest about not being available. There are people out here in the world that have different obligations and priorities than you. They are not carbon copies of you and your lifestyle and you are not entitled to their time. It’s amazing to me how other women think they are going to just come along and pick you off a shelf “to play” when they get good and ready.

Well I offered two other possibilities, chill

[Anonymous]

I just give up on those type of people OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is a total blow off, right?

Friends are trying to get together and one friend basically said she is never available. Can’t offer one date for the rest of 2025. She has 3 kids as do I. We all have 2-3 kids.

Yes and I would not make an effort to invite or include her again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is either uninterested or too busy or she has mental health challenges.

I think it is spectacular mental health to not be a YES woman and to be honest about not being available. There are people out here in the world that have different obligations and priorities than you. They are not carbon copies of you and your lifestyle and you are not entitled to their time. It’s amazing to me how other women think they are going to just come along and pick you off a shelf “to play” when they get good and ready.

Well I offered two other possibilities, chill

How incredibly generous of you. Be sure to put her back on the shelf when you are done with her.

[Anonymous]

I was planning a 40th birthday trip with two friends. One couldn’t do any of the weekends we were looking at and when we asked her to provide dates she could do, her answer was basically that she was booked for the next six months. So we went on a trip without her. Six years later, we’re all still friends, and it’s fine. I don’t know what the deal was and didn’t ask. The fun part about being this age is caring much less what people think and whether they are mad at me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are 6 weeks and a few days left in 2025 and probably 4 of the weeks are centered on holiday celebrations. It is not unreasonable at all that someone doesn't have any more availabilty in 2025, OP!

You need a new calendar.

Oh, yeah 10.

Same though!

[Anonymous]

We are new at a school this year and I asked a mom who lives a block away from us for a playdate with her DD in the same grade. She gave me back an open-ended, they're too busy and will never have time for a playdate. I thought it was pretty non-inclusive -- and what if her DD ends up being best friends with mine! But whatever, people are busy and you can't be friends (or best friends) with everyone.

[Anonymous]

are you asking for plans with her kids present or not? my husband has his own challenges that make asking him to watch both our kids solo pretty tough (and frankly they're at an age where i find them tough to be alone as toddler goes berserk if i nurse the baby) so i rarely have him go out solo either...

much more flexible making plans if kids are welcome

[Anonymous]

I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take them at their word but also not take it personally. They have prioritized things other than getting together with you. It is what it is.

This is a major reason we have worked hard to cultivate and maintain a roster of family friends with kids. So on any given weekend, we can reach out to 2 or 3 and usually at least one will be up for a hang out, playdate, or group outing. And most of our friends have also cultivated other friends, so if we ever can't make an invite, it's okay and nothing hinges on our presence. So I'm never offended when people say they can't make it, and I also never feel guilty when we can't make it.

You clearly either have very young kids or kids who don’t have sports or activities. This worked when my kids were very young, but they weren’t that old when we started to be pulled in all directions for sports, kids social things, etc. I can’t imagine kids past very young ever having enough free time during the school year to want to hang out w/ family friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I accept it and decide to hang out with other people who have more availability. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

She’s not available.
The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is a total blow off, right?

Friends are trying to get together and one friend basically said she is never available. Can’t offer one date for the rest of 2025. She has 3 kids as do I. We all have 2-3 kids.

Why do you care? Either way you won’t see her.

[Anonymous]

Honestly this is not that surprising! I think i have 2 weekends we are around and free before the end of the year. It is what it is!

[Anonymous]

I get together with some school moms about once every 3-4 months. I am always the one to arrange and reach out. One mom always says she’s never avail midweek, never. She then says she could do a Saturday breakfast.
That doesn’t work for me so I just say ok and move on. I still invite her the next time buf I know she’s not coming.
I solo parent at night too but make it work with a sitter, or now DD is older a carpool if she has her sport the night we picked.
It’s about what your prioritize.