Need an outside perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Advice appreciated on how to bring up this issue in a mature way.

This crap keeps happening, and I. Front of our kids. And everytime, I’m just so flabbergasted and he gets me furious that I can’t even respond clearly and appropriately about the tactics he is using that is so upsetting to me.

Is he cheating ?
He literally sounds like he has checked out on you ..


Do some digging ..

[Anonymous]

Had you left the stove on with the pot still simmering on it but not told him OR

Did he come downstairs to a pot that was not on the stove and full of a murky, dirty looking liquid?

Was he cleaning up the kitchen?

I know everyone thinks that every husband is an abuser and psychobabble gets thrown around - and you have written this in a way that ensures that happens. Would he write it the same way? Without being a fly on the wall, I take all these my husband is the worst human on the planet and I am an absolute saint who never does anything wrong but he treats me like he is Satan himself posts with a gran of salt.

When men complain about abusive wives, the responses are always that only abusers complain about being abused and that the one saying they are abused is the abuser and is responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem.
Tell us how the marriage is outside of this ?

It’s mostly good. When I get upset about a mistake he made- throwing out something of mine, breaking something of mine, that’s when this behavior comes out, and it’s so distressing to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what OP should have communicated to her husband here.

If I had a pot of stock on the stove, I might tell DH before I run out that I have something on the stove, I might not, depending on how long the errand takes. He probably would have been in the kitchen with me at some point and I would have told him about it.

But I would never expect that an adult man would just throw out a pot of food on the stove without asking what I'm doing. That behavior makes no sense, unless her DH either A. hates the soup she is making and is malicious enough to throw it out instead of telling her not to make it, B. is a psychopath trying to upset her and make her feel crazy.

There has to be more to this story.

It’s not clearly food. It’s stock. It could have been dirty water for all he knows. In my house, we don’t leave half projects without communicating. We also try and help each other and clean messy dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I just want to know, was there something wrong with the way I reacted? Am I in the wrong in any way? Do I have some accountability in this interaction?

I feel like I had a normal reaction given the mistake.

Was I supposed to react differently?

I said you both had bad communication. I live with a house full of people who don’t read my mind- so there is no way I would have left a kitchen project without telling them what it was and not to touch it. When someone ruins a kitchen project, even unintentionally, they should say sorry. But if I believe it was unintentional, I wouldn’t keep doubling down looking for a fight.

OK, she didn't tell her DH what she was doing. But would your DH just throw out food that is being prepared on the stove because you didn't tell him specifically not to? He should recognize it as food, shouldn't he? He should know not to randomly throw out food, shouldn't he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I just want to know, was there something wrong with the way I reacted? Am I in the wrong in any way? Do I have some accountability in this interaction?

I feel like I had a normal reaction given the mistake.

Was I supposed to react differently?

I said you both had bad communication. I live with a house full of people who don’t read my mind- so there is no way I would have left a kitchen project without telling them what it was and not to touch it. When someone ruins a kitchen project, even unintentionally, they should say sorry. But if I believe it was unintentional, I wouldn’t keep doubling down looking for a fight.

OK, she didn't tell her DH what she was doing. But would your DH just throw out food that is being prepared on the stove because you didn't tell him specifically not to? He should recognize it as food, shouldn't he? He should know not to randomly throw out food, shouldn't he?

It’s stock for crying out. The color of dirty water. Everyone here could have been clearer, including OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had you left the stove on with the pot still simmering on it but not told him OR

Did he come downstairs to a pot that was not on the stove and full of a murky, dirty looking liquid?

Was he cleaning up the kitchen?

I know everyone thinks that every husband is an abuser and psychobabble gets thrown around - and you have written this in a way that ensures that happens. Would he write it the same way? Without being a fly on the wall, I take all these my husband is the worst human on the planet and I am an absolute saint who never does anything wrong but he treats me like he is Satan himself posts with a gran of salt.

When men complain about abusive wives, the responses are always that only abusers complain about being abused and that the one saying they are abused is the abuser and is responsible.

It was on the stove cooling after I had just turned it ofd. I believe he honestly did not know I was making stock and so he dumped it out. That is frustrating but easy to forgive. The part I found infuriating was his reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I just want to know, was there something wrong with the way I reacted? Am I in the wrong in any way? Do I have some accountability in this interaction?

I feel like I had a normal reaction given the mistake.

Was I supposed to react differently?

I said you both had bad communication. I live with a house full of people who don’t read my mind- so there is no way I would have left a kitchen project without telling them what it was and not to touch it. When someone ruins a kitchen project, even unintentionally, they should say sorry. But if I believe it was unintentional, I wouldn’t keep doubling down looking for a fight.

OK, she didn't tell her DH what she was doing. But would your DH just throw out food that is being prepared on the stove because you didn't tell him specifically not to? He should recognize it as food, shouldn't he? He should know not to randomly throw out food, shouldn't he?

It’s stock for crying out. The color of dirty water. Everyone here could have been clearer, including OP.

I know what stock looks like, but doesn’t it generally smell pretty good? As in identifiable as food? When I make stock it is clearly not “dirty water.” Also, why would someone leave dirty water simmering on the stove? It’s clearly food. But I don’t think OP has given us the full story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what OP should have communicated to her husband here.

If I had a pot of stock on the stove, I might tell DH before I run out that I have something on the stove, I might not, depending on how long the errand takes. He probably would have been in the kitchen with me at some point and I would have told him about it.

But I would never expect that an adult man would just throw out a pot of food on the stove without asking what I'm doing. That behavior makes no sense, unless her DH either A. hates the soup she is making and is malicious enough to throw it out instead of telling her not to make it, B. is a psychopath trying to upset her and make her feel crazy.

There has to be more to this story.

It’s not clearly food. It’s stock. It could have been dirty water for all he knows. In my house, we don’t leave half projects without communicating. We also try and help each other and clean messy dishes.

Not op but one who could see her husband acting this way. Mine would have thrown away the soup while leaving his 3 dirty plates and glasses on the kitchen table because somehow he is incapable of seeing his own messes. Then when I would act dismayed about the soup he'd be all "I was cleaning up the kitchen. Why do I never get credit?"

[Anonymous]

He was nice enough to do dishes.

He made a mistake.

You acted like he did it on purpose.

He got defensive.

You got defensive.

Should have…

Did u clean the pot?
Yes.

Omg I made stock for dinner and it was cooling in the broth. (You don’t assume he knows)

Then he should be like holy sh!t, sorry.

Then you can be sad /bummed/etc but move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I just want to know, was there something wrong with the way I reacted? Am I in the wrong in any way? Do I have some accountability in this interaction?

I feel like I had a normal reaction given the mistake.

Was I supposed to react differently?

I said you both had bad communication. I live with a house full of people who don’t read my mind- so there is no way I would have left a kitchen project without telling them what it was and not to touch it. When someone ruins a kitchen project, even unintentionally, they should say sorry. But if I believe it was unintentional, I wouldn’t keep doubling down looking for a fight.

OK, she didn't tell her DH what she was doing. But would your DH just throw out food that is being prepared on the stove because you didn't tell him specifically not to? He should recognize it as food, shouldn't he? He should know not to randomly throw out food, shouldn't he?

It’s stock for crying out. The color of dirty water. Everyone here could have been clearer, including OP.

I know what stock looks like, but doesn’t it generally smell pretty good? As in identifiable as food? When I make stock it is clearly not “dirty water.” Also, why would someone leave dirty water simmering on the stove? It’s clearly food. But I don’t think OP has given us the full story.

Not to OP’s husband, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had you left the stove on with the pot still simmering on it but not told him OR

Did he come downstairs to a pot that was not on the stove and full of a murky, dirty looking liquid?

Was he cleaning up the kitchen?

I know everyone thinks that every husband is an abuser and psychobabble gets thrown around - and you have written this in a way that ensures that happens. Would he write it the same way? Without being a fly on the wall, I take all these my husband is the worst human on the planet and I am an absolute saint who never does anything wrong but he treats me like he is Satan himself posts with a gran of salt.

When men complain about abusive wives, the responses are always that only abusers complain about being abused and that the one saying they are abused is the abuser and is responsible.

It was on the stove cooling after I had just turned it ofd. I believe he honestly did not know I was making stock and so he dumped it out. That is frustrating but easy to forgive. The part I found infuriating was his reaction.

And now that I’m thinking about it more, the fact that he said “you act like I did this to purposely hurt you” was just so out of left field at the time, because that never even entered my mind. I was hought he did it by mistake. And yes I was still upset that my stock was thrown down the sink.

But now I’m like, did he actually do that on purpose?? Otherwise why would he even say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had you left the stove on with the pot still simmering on it but not told him OR

Did he come downstairs to a pot that was not on the stove and full of a murky, dirty looking liquid?

Was he cleaning up the kitchen?

I know everyone thinks that every husband is an abuser and psychobabble gets thrown around - and you have written this in a way that ensures that happens. Would he write it the same way? Without being a fly on the wall, I take all these my husband is the worst human on the planet and I am an absolute saint who never does anything wrong but he treats me like he is Satan himself posts with a gran of salt.

When men complain about abusive wives, the responses are always that only abusers complain about being abused and that the one saying they are abused is the abuser and is responsible.

It was on the stove cooling after I had just turned it ofd. I believe he honestly did not know I was making stock and so he dumped it out. That is frustrating but easy to forgive. The part I found infuriating was his reaction.

Ok. It does seem like a big communication failure. Next time OP keep DH in the loop, and examine your own reactions to his actions. I doubt you were calm about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had you left the stove on with the pot still simmering on it but not told him OR

Did he come downstairs to a pot that was not on the stove and full of a murky, dirty looking liquid?

Was he cleaning up the kitchen?

I know everyone thinks that every husband is an abuser and psychobabble gets thrown around - and you have written this in a way that ensures that happens. Would he write it the same way? Without being a fly on the wall, I take all these my husband is the worst human on the planet and I am an absolute saint who never does anything wrong but he treats me like he is Satan himself posts with a gran of salt.

When men complain about abusive wives, the responses are always that only abusers complain about being abused and that the one saying they are abused is the abuser and is responsible.

It was on the stove cooling after I had just turned it ofd. I believe he honestly did not know I was making stock and so he dumped it out. That is frustrating but easy to forgive. The part I found infuriating was his reaction.

Doesn’t sound like you approached in a great way either. “Why did you throw out my stock” makes it sound like he knew and did it on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem.
Tell us how the marriage is outside of this ?

It’s mostly good. When I get upset about a mistake he made- throwing out something of mine, breaking something of mine, that’s when this behavior comes out, and it’s so distressing to me.

Very immature behavior. Also, Sounds like contempt

Something’s up with your husband.