PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree - some schools do a great job of community building with family-focused events. Our current ES doesn't do any of that and I'm not sure where the money is actually going. I loved our old ES with it's welcome picnic, fall fair, and spring fling - it was so fun for the kids!

Right, family-focused events. OP's position is that any event that is not family focused should be for fundraising only, and that you shouldn't spend PTA funds on adult-only socializing. She's specifically saying the money should go to the kinds of events you are praising, since adults can get together and socialize without the PTA sponsoring the event.

[Anonymous]

Our PTA had a thank you breakfast for all volunteers last year. It was at 10:00am on a Tuesday. I think that should tell you everything you need to know about MY kid's school's PTA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree - some schools do a great job of community building with family-focused events. Our current ES doesn't do any of that and I'm not sure where the money is actually going. I loved our old ES with it's welcome picnic, fall fair, and spring fling - it was so fun for the kids!

Right, family-focused events. OP's position is that any event that is not family focused should be for fundraising only, and that you shouldn't spend PTA funds on adult-only socializing. She's specifically saying the money should go to the kinds of events you are praising, since adults can get together and socialize without the PTA sponsoring the event.

Oh, her post was so long I merely skimmed it. Yes, I'm not sure what kind of events people are having that are adults only that aren't fundraisers. Our ES used to have a silent auction that was adults only but it raised a LOT of money for the school and all of the food, wine, and auction items were donated by local businesses.

[Anonymous]

OP could you provide examples of the adults only events that are not fundraisers that your PTA is paying for??

I think that would be really helpful in focusing this discussion.

[Anonymous]

Community building events absolutely have fundraising value even when they are not themselves fundraisers. It's critical to build community.

OP, unless the event is not open to all in the community, then your characterization of it as just for people who are already friends with each other is false. You sound like you are not a social person and do not want to be a part of the community building. Fine, you don't have to go. You probably will not continue to donate or be a part of the community after your kid graduates either. Also fine.

But the important thing is that most of the people who do attend and do build community and do value the community, will continue to be a part of it and donate well into the future so that the school can carry on. It is wholly appropriate for the PTA to use your dues to engage in this activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA had a thank you breakfast for all volunteers last year. It was at 10:00am on a Tuesday. I think that should tell you everything you need to know about MY kid's school's PTA.

If it was in the evening, people would grumble about having to get a babysitter. (And the OP would chime in that this is a social event between adults that shouldn’t happen). They did it during school so you’d have childcare. But people will always look for a reason to take out their frustrations on the PTA and the people who do volunteer to justify not volunteering or doing so less in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

You sound jealous OP. They are already friends because they are working hard together volunteering for their kids’ school. Not because they are a clique and you weren’t invited. Give it a try and you might make some friends too.

Sometimes PTAs are a clique of existing friends with same-age kids, and no amount of volunteering will enable you to become friends with them (you might make friends with others as you bond over being excluded by the PTA board who just want to hang out with each other).

I've been on two PTAs like this. It happens when there are a group of parents who live close and get to know each other when their kids are in daycare or preschool, and then transition that friendship to the local elementary. I have tired to gently explain to people why it's important to be open and welcoming to others on the PTA, and to ensure other parents feel like they can participate regardless of whether they are friends with the clique. These suggestions have been rebuffed in both cases, and then there is a lot of complaining about how no one ever wants to volunteer and they have to do everything. It's fake martyrdom -- they are exclusive and unwelcoming, so new parents who join the PTA get frustrated and stop volunteering, and then the clique has to do everything and gets resentful.

I doubt all PTAs are like this but some definitely are.

Ours is exclusive and unwelcoming. There are lots of complaints about the same people doing everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP could you provide examples of the adults only events that are not fundraisers that your PTA is paying for??

I think that would be really helpful in focusing this discussion.

This. I bet dollars to donuts these are fundraisers and OP has just never bothered to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP could you provide examples of the adults only events that are not fundraisers that your PTA is paying for??

I think that would be really helpful in focusing this discussion.

This. I bet dollars to donuts these are fundraisers and OP has just never bothered to attend.

Some sort of thank you dinner for fundraisers plus other adults or an actual fundraiser itself.

I was the fundraiser chair last year. We did a few socials at restaurants and they were all fundraisers. We had an adult only fundraiser a few years back and parents had to buy tickets. I’m wondering what type of pta sponsored adult only event OP can possibly be referring to. I assume this is public school. At private, there are tons of adult only events both fundraisers and just community building.

[Anonymous]

You don’t get to decide fool

[Anonymous]

Then don't donate. Spend your money and time how you so fit.

Easy.

[Anonymous]

Grow up OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Then don't donate. Spend your money and time how you so fit.

Easy.

You know OP begrudgingly donates about $10 a year then moans about where her dollars are going. Clearly doesn’t donate any time either if she has no idea what these events even are. Just save the $10 and do nothing. Nobody will notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Then don't donate. Spend your money and time how you so fit.

Easy.

You know OP begrudgingly donates about $10 a year then moans about where her dollars are going. Clearly doesn’t donate any time either if she has no idea what these events even are. Just save the $10 and do nothing. Nobody will notice.

Yeah if there is an event to thank people who have hundreds or thousands, the return to the school is worth it.

The only adult only event I can think of at our school is a volunteer thank you breakfast.

[Anonymous]

PTA volunteers should not need “thank you” breakfasts. Parents should not need “community building” events for themselves. The PTA is for the kids and should be kid focused.