Tell me about dating/being married to an engineer

[Anonymous]

When things go well, it can help both people. Engineers will keep things running and make systems more efficient. However, feelings are not efficient and they may disregard them. Over the longterm, if they don’t respect your creative intelligence and social skills, they will belittle you and treat you like an idiot. You will probably need more outlets than just your husband for emotional connection.

[Anonymous]

Very helpful when your kids need help with math and science homework

[Anonymous]

I am married to a civil engineer. He can build/fix anything. Hes very humble. Hes also very messy. He makes a lot of excel spreadsheets. He hates talking about emotions at length and also spontaneity bothers him.

My father is an engineer turned entrepreneur. Hes the life of the party and lacks a lot of attention to attend to small details.

[Anonymous]

My DH has two degrees in electrical engineering (BS and MS), and it’s the best relationship of my life. We are not very similar in approach - I’m creative and more “abstract” - but we play to each other’s strentghs/balance each other well. We also bring out the best in each other.

Ultimately I think it has to do with compatibility, values, and attraction, but I do like how he thinks and how methodical he is.

[Anonymous]

OP here. So helpful to read everyone's experiences and so much of it tracks with his personality. (I fully acknowledge we are dealing in generalizations and there is always variability).

So far, he has been kind, considerate, thoughtful, quietly sentimental all of which are new and I love. It's the rigidity I was a little concerned about-- stickler for time, not the most flexible in changing plans. I'm just not good at the latter- timeliness- so I've been making a big effort, but for how long? That's why I was curious how others had reconciled these differences (whether related to being an engineer or not).

Also, I'm really familiar with rigidity due to ASD and this doesn't feel like that at all, trying to understand that a little better.

[Anonymous]

DH is a systems engineer and I have no idea what that actually means. He manages teams of people who build things and teams of software/computer science people. I want to say control systems or something?

He is very normal and makes about 500k now. So not super high earner but not bad.

He is rather structured with gym and nerd hobbies.

That being said, he is very open to other things like cooking and baking and obviously can fix most anything as well as computers.

Going to plays or shows not really his thing; but does like to travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very helpful when your kids need help with math and science homework

My dad, both uncles and grandfather were all electrical engineers and never so much as looked at their kids' report cards. That was mom's domain.
They seem to make good husbands though.

[Anonymous]

To be able to drive a train is very sexy.

[Anonymous]

My Dad is an engineer and I know a ton of engineers. I'm not sure I understand the imagined friction.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are exhausting. Don't drag an engineer into your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be able to drive a train is very sexy.

I thought OP was talking about a Vietnamese pimp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an electrical engineer. Yes, I can be quite difficult because I don't see things the way most people do. Like most engineers I have met, I like a good argument. I will even take an opposing view just to have a better discussion of any potential issues. DW really hates that since I should "always be supportive," but I want to understand things not react. As for art, I admire the effort and skill, I just don't understand the motivation. I will say that civil engineering work can be elegant, but is often pedestrian due to budget limitations. I feel sorry for the guy that is forced to build an ugly bridge that will be around for 50 years.

I'm a Civil (turned app developer) married to a CPA and you're right on many of these. I often play Devil's Advocate and both DH and youngest DC hates it. I also struggle with 'art' for art's sake. I do enjoy taking someone else's idea and, well, engineering the hell out of it so they look brilliant. [and, yeah, an ugly structure stinks . BTDT but $ rules]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So helpful to read everyone's experiences and so much of it tracks with his personality. (I fully acknowledge we are dealing in generalizations and there is always variability).

So far, he has been kind, considerate, thoughtful, quietly sentimental all of which are new and I love. It's the rigidity I was a little concerned about-- stickler for time, not the most flexible in changing plans. I'm just not good at the latter- timeliness- so I've been making a big effort, but for how long? That's why I was curious how others had reconciled these differences (whether related to being an engineer or not).

Also, I'm really familiar with rigidity due to ASD and this doesn't feel like that at all, trying to understand that a little better.

Those can also be manifested in military or LEOs: 'Early is on-time. On-time is late. Late is unacceptable.' It's been a huge challenge in our ~30 year relationship. DH cares so little about time, he completely missed a good friend's wedding because he said, "(In Jersey) they never start on time and take over an hour." Not Southern Baptists!

But seriously, OP, if the guy is treating you right -- leaving for an event a few minutes earlier than you think is necessary or being able to pivot when they can't -- is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Make sure being an "engineer" isn't just masking unteated neurodivergent behavior.

I'm a pretty nerdy engineer and some of the people i work with i wouldn't want to have children with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure being an "engineer" isn't just masking unteated neurodivergent behavior.

I'm a pretty nerdy engineer and some of the people i work with i wouldn't want to have children with.

This particularly in the lower pay ranges where they don't have to work with people a lot. There are a lot of autistic type engineers that went into the field because they can't deal well with people. They want to appear stable, but they aren't at least with people. High rates of lying, hiding, cheating, etc. due to an inability to cope with others in the world.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly myself and my husband! It works very well. I bring some creativity and joy and sparkle into his life and he’s very grounding and calm. I’d say the one thing is that he’s a fixer … of everything. Sometimes I just want someone to listen and not solve, but after 10 years together we have smoothed that out. He’s very shy and I’m not and it’s such a good balance.