Advice to your younger soccer parent self

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the talent will show itself comment. It’s not talent. Kids as young as 5 have private trainers and are working out, ima professional gym, for agility and strength. Trust me.
Talent is built by parents who have money, time, and awareness that this can be the ticket for a college, at least on the girls side.
My DD LOVES soccer. Lives with a ball at her feet. Dying to play in college. I didn’t know any of this stuff and it’s simply too late in 9th grade.

The tragedy is for all these early adopters, most eventually wash out anyway. This route is no guarantee, either, although perhaps the discipline and focus from these experiences can be re-routed to another activity. In fact, here's another example of where talent shows itself as those who realize they are in over their head or get burned out walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the talent will show itself comment. It’s not talent. Kids as young as 5 have private trainers and are working out, ima professional gym, for agility and strength. Trust me.
Talent is built by parents who have money, time, and awareness that this can be the ticket for a college, at least on the girls side.
My DD LOVES soccer. Lives with a ball at her feet. Dying to play in college. I didn’t know any of this stuff and it’s simply too late in 9th grade.

The tragedy is for all these early adopters, most eventually wash out anyway. This route is no guarantee, either, although perhaps the discipline and focus from these experiences can be re-routed to another activity. In fact, here's another example of where talent shows itself as those who realize they are in over their head or get burned out walk away.

So kids should start taking it seriously late?

[Anonymous]

Don’t hesitate to switch teams. It is a business and they don’t care about you so put your kid first. You will know when it is the right fit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ADHD and soccer don’t work. That’s what I learned.
My child can’t learn soccer (and my other child who was also diagnosed, isn’t hyperactive but has another specific type of adhd). Meds for evening practice isn’t the priority either.

I coached as well. My worst parent experience was sadly for a completely off the rails adhd child. Like actively kicking our scrimmage ball FAR FAR away.

In addition, I had a young team 2 years ago and it boggles my mind. Almost every kid was unfocused. The best player at that age, technically and team-wise was a very smart Indian child.

Disagree with this. It depends on the child.
My U14 DD thrives on the soccer field. Her focus is totally different to academics because she enjoys it.

I’m glad for you. For us, especially for our younger adhd, learning any sport has been too difficult in a team setting, or a home parent-child setting. Our next step for any sport he wants, is a private coach, to help with focus.
I wanted to clarify that my “worst parent experience” was in regard to my coaching, and the other parent being very angry with me, approaching the rec director. I gave a sideline consequence to the child who repeatedly kicked our scrimmage ball far away. He derailed the practice multiple times, and this parent was very mad that I needed him to sit aside. I didn’t know what else to do, and neither did she, so I wasn’t even mad at her.
I’ve read articles about adhd and soccer, and I think it’s possible. Such as for your dd, but in some cases, they can’t learn the sport in the team environment.

Reading this as a non-soccer person, I bet the kid who kicked the ball far away did not want to be in soccer.

I was pretty naughty as a small kid in a sport class that I asked to join. Because when I got there, I didn't like it after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child decides to leave rec for travel, do not play for travel teams coached by parent coaches. They cannot remain objective as the kids get older and many also favor their kids friends and when there is friend fallout there is often a noticeable change at soccer too.

Follow your kids lead and don’t get caught up in the social pressure of other kids or parents. If your child is a goalkeeper seek out goalkeeper training outside of your team. Private goalkeeper training is much better than the group training many clubs offer.

Do not start thinking about college. If your child is talented enough and has the desire to play at that level, it will be obvious by their effort and drive. Let them drive the process. Support but do not pressure.

In this era of constant distractions especially from screens, a 100% independent self driven kid must be a unicorn

Uh, no. My child is self-driven but not a unicorn.

I don’t think the government has forced my kids into screens, yet, have they?

Parents criticize us but we have thoughtfully chosen our path and don’t really care what others think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the talent will show itself comment. It’s not talent. Kids as young as 5 have private trainers and are working out, ima professional gym, for agility and strength. Trust me.
Talent is built by parents who have money, time, and awareness that this can be the ticket for a college, at least on the girls side.
My DD LOVES soccer. Lives with a ball at her feet. Dying to play in college. I didn’t know any of this stuff and it’s simply too late in 9th grade.

This is FOMO.

Yes, there are kids with private trainers at age 5. So what. They will be on a top team probably easily until U12-U13.

But when they recognize that they put in all of that work alone and they are only marginally better than a kid who played outside doing hopscotch and playing on the monkey bars, building speed and agility playing freeze tag and building the same muscles groups as the kid in the gym, their mind and ego will be fractured and the mind is 99% of the game post-puberty when the physical advantages level out.

If your 9th grader wants to go to college, it is 100% doable. Will they be able to start D1 as a freshman? Doubt it. But if they really want it, they have 8 years. That is 7,680 hours of training.

She may not want it that bad which is a different story but don’t say it’s not possible. If she puts in 7,680 hours in the next 8 years, she will finish her 4th year of eligibility at a D1 school as a starter and probably be in a rotation for NWSL or whatever her next steps are.

[Anonymous]

Wow. This is interesting to read.

I'm done with one kid, my DS who is a college soph and no longer playing...still have a player in my DD who is U17 at an ECNL club.

Random thoughts:

Recognize each kid is different. My DS enjoyed playing but wasn't passionate about it. He played at the lowest club level throughout and was fine with that - so were we. Accept it. He played with friends, joined a rec hoops team in the winter and summer breaks and played HS soccer.

DD is all in on soccer since she was about 10. She made an "elite" team playing a year up and wanted to try it even though she had to give up some other activities - dance was the big one. Since then, it's been off to the races with soccer, which has been enjoyable to see her growth.

I coached both kids teams until they were U8 and joined an "ADP" program. Those were some of the best times. Do it if you can. During those ages, it's mostly organized chaos, so minimal soccer knowledge, IMO, was needed.

At those ages, no scholarships are going to be one or lost, it's more about enjoying the game.

Oh yeah, if you kid wants more, do more. DD wanted to play futsal, so we did. DD wanted to do extra trainings, so we figured it out and did it. DS was happy with this place he was, and that was fine too. Instead of winter futsal, he played hoops with his buddies.

Don't force things on them if they don't want it - it will just lead to angst for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the talent will show itself comment. It’s not talent. Kids as young as 5 have private trainers and are working out, ima professional gym, for agility and strength. Trust me.
Talent is built by parents who have money, time, and awareness that this can be the ticket for a college, at least on the girls side.
My DD LOVES soccer. Lives with a ball at her feet. Dying to play in college. I didn’t know any of this stuff and it’s simply too late in 9th grade.

The tragedy is for all these early adopters, most eventually wash out anyway. This route is no guarantee, either, although perhaps the discipline and focus from these experiences can be re-routed to another activity. In fact, here's another example of where talent shows itself as those who realize they are in over their head or get burned out walk away.

So kids should start taking it seriously late?

There is definitely a risk of early burnout from taking a sport very seriously at a younger age. A lot of kids are not comfortable telling their parents they’re feeling tired of it all until they are at a breaking point and ready to quit. They feel pressure from adults even if you feel like you’re not putting it on them. A parent can never care more than their kid. Most parents are lying to themselves when they say a 10 year old is driving the train when it comes to interest in the sport. Much more plausible in the teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the talent will show itself comment. It’s not talent. Kids as young as 5 have private trainers and are working out, ima professional gym, for agility and strength. Trust me.
Talent is built by parents who have money, time, and awareness that this can be the ticket for a college, at least on the girls side.
My DD LOVES soccer. Lives with a ball at her feet. Dying to play in college. I didn’t know any of this stuff and it’s simply too late in 9th grade.

The tragedy is for all these early adopters, most eventually wash out anyway. This route is no guarantee, either, although perhaps the discipline and focus from these experiences can be re-routed to another activity. In fact, here's another example of where talent shows itself as those who realize they are in over their head or get burned out walk away.

So kids should start taking it seriously late?

There is definitely a risk of early burnout from taking a sport very seriously at a younger age. A lot of kids are not comfortable telling their parents they’re feeling tired of it all until they are at a breaking point and ready to quit. They feel pressure from adults even if you feel like you’re not putting it on them. A parent can never care more than their kid. Most parents are lying to themselves when they say a 10 year old is driving the train when it comes to interest in the sport. Much more plausible in the teen years.

This is soccer, there is no taking it seriously late and becoming a top player

If you don't have ambitions of playing at the highest levels, then its fine.

A kids performance and approach at training and on game day always shows clear signs if they've checked out mentally

[Anonymous]

Agree. Early intense training might lead to burnout, and you only see the ones who make it. But the converse is also true: you will not find a standout female player who started late. People say Alex Morgan started “late.” No, she played rec and got serious at the ancient age of… 12. Not high school age. By middle school for sure, both the fire AND the extra training and support must be there.
This is what I wish I had known. All the extra training in the world by high school does not replace the intense game competition and skills and decision making required at an ECNL level. Those who think it doesn’t matter don’t understand the difference in how the game is played at that level versus anything lower. At least for girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the talent will show itself comment. It’s not talent. Kids as young as 5 have private trainers and are working out, ima professional gym, for agility and strength. Trust me.
Talent is built by parents who have money, time, and awareness that this can be the ticket for a college, at least on the girls side.
My DD LOVES soccer. Lives with a ball at her feet. Dying to play in college. I didn’t know any of this stuff and it’s simply too late in 9th grade.

I have seen all kinds of kids with amazing skills but are slow or small or weak or all of the above. Recruited athletes need ball sense, speed, strength, size and skills. You can’t train speed.

Most of the kids who trained from an early age also aren’t going to play in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the talent will show itself comment. It’s not talent. Kids as young as 5 have private trainers and are working out, ima professional gym, for agility and strength. Trust me.
Talent is built by parents who have money, time, and awareness that this can be the ticket for a college, at least on the girls side.
My DD LOVES soccer. Lives with a ball at her feet. Dying to play in college. I didn’t know any of this stuff and it’s simply too late in 9th grade.

I have seen all kinds of kids with amazing skills but are slow or small or weak or all of the above. Recruited athletes need ball sense, speed, strength, size and skills. You can’t train speed.

Most of the kids who trained from an early age also aren’t going to play in college.

Perhaps your DD loves soccer because you didn’t force all the training early on. Give yourself some grace here. You may be looking at this the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Be a coach and/or the manager for at least a year. Then you will appreciate all that goes into running a team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the talent will show itself comment. It’s not talent. Kids as young as 5 have private trainers and are working out, ima professional gym, for agility and strength. Trust me.
Talent is built by parents who have money, time, and awareness that this can be the ticket for a college, at least on the girls side.
My DD LOVES soccer. Lives with a ball at her feet. Dying to play in college. I didn’t know any of this stuff and it’s simply too late in 9th grade.

I have seen all kinds of kids with amazing skills but are slow or small or weak or all of the above. Recruited athletes need ball sense, speed, strength, size and skills. You can’t train speed.

Most of the kids who trained from an early age also aren’t going to play in college.

Slow small and weak with amazing skills
What skills?

Need strength and size to carry training equipment?

Who plays in college, kids who start training at 16?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never ever volunteer to be team manager

only advice we can all agree on