Therapist worsening the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter asked to see a therapist about a year ago for someone to talk to and it’s made things much worse. We were very supportive but somehow it’s turned into all about us being bad parents and a complete shut down of doing anything in the house. Anything at all now. Now she yells at us, slams doors and says she will not put up with the way we talk to her. It was a huge mistake.

We are thankful of preseason sports training and sports camps that she wanted to go to because sessions needed to be cancelled. We think she will want to stop in August when her school sport starts because she won’t be able to fit it in.

+1. Coaches are SO much better than therapists. They teach work ethic, accountability, teamwork, respect, high expectations, no excuses, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Court-mandated divorce therapist for my friend's kid.

Kept pushing kid to take an interest in dad's new baby (half sister) when they were 12 years apart in age.

Covid isolation ended the therapy. No good came of it.

Is this a joke?

I would always want my kids to take an interest in their other parent’s baby. It’s their sibling. I would be doing my kid a disservice by not telling them that siblings are important.

You want women’s freedom, but that’s also the freedom to be let go.

It doesn't matter what you would want. If you're expecting a teen to take an interest in a half sibling 12 years younger, which very well may be the product of the teen's own broken home, you're nuts. Horrible burden of expectation to put on a child.

+1. Normal for a kid not to like the replacement child. Seriously, having more kids with spouse 2 is selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an anecdote: we had a much better experience with an older therapist. The problem is most practices only have openings with their new practitioners, who tend to be young. I sometimes think you shouldn’t be able to get licensed until you are 50+, somewhat jaded, and have seen some stuff

Very good point. The last person I would let any teen see as a therapist is a woman younger than about 35.

And that's the problem. If you watch movies of good therapists they've seen many patients and are older and wiser. Reality is that you are going to get some therapist who usually ranges from a 25 year old to a stay at home mom turned therapist with a very small window into the world or a man or woman who went into therapy because they have issues themselves. Movies like Good Will Hunting and Ordinary People were also dealing with neurotypical people. The smart kid who is afraid to leave home. The kid who feels bad their brother died. They aren't dealing with kids who have poor processing and thinking skills either.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get the huge rise in teens seeing therapist. Except in extreme cases of trauma or mental illness, why is this common place now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the huge rise in teens seeing therapist. Except in extreme cases of trauma or mental illness, why is this common place now?

So that they can ruminate and have a victim mentality! Keep up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the huge rise in teens seeing therapist. Except in extreme cases of trauma or mental illness, why is this common place now?

Because the village is lost and people blame parents when kids have issues and ask them to fix their issues or take them to therapy. The kid doesn't have to own their issues or accept their own limitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the huge rise in teens seeing therapist. Except in extreme cases of trauma or mental illness, why is this common place now?

Therapy isn’t really for mental illness which requires a much broader medical / healthcare approach. Talk therapists are more like physical therapists - they help address an issue.

Many counsellors and therapists only have a couple years of training and their courses are quite general. Psychologists have many more years of training and are more specialized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the huge rise in teens seeing therapist. Except in extreme cases of trauma or mental illness, why is this common place now?

The schools use therapists as a bandaid recommendation to try to fix real parenting problems and in-school problems. The government gave extra money to schools to resolve Covid-era trauma (which I agree is real) and so our school turned a firehose of attention onto every kid who wasn't 100% mainstream and continuously cheerful. Nobody was allowed to be a pouty or sulky kid without an interrogation.

My son was recommended therapy by the school. He didn't want to go to therapy or talk to the school psychologist just due to being sad and sassy in middle school.

Most of what made him sad and sassy was a middle school environment that was lowest common denominator gen ed with discipline problems. I told admin they needed to fix their own problems first. My kid is much better now in high school because he's older and the classes are harder and he found a great school-based club that he can invest his energies into in a meaningful way.

The middle school also improved a lot after he left. But it took about three years and a limited phone use policy.

That makes me feel like the therapy recommendation was emotional policing and a bandaid. It's for people who like to think about feelings and talk a lot about them rather than do things to keep occupied and recover (move on). Agree that the profession is full of young women who are "nice" and very people-oriented but haven't even parented yet. They care but they don't have a lot of experience so rely on tools like rating charts and referrals. And they are usually touchy-feely emotion
discussers who don't really respect a child's right to privacy of thoughts and feelings.

Schools are also concerned about contributing to or not addressing suicide risk and school violence risks. Makes sense but officials' fear contaminates handling situations in a productive manner.

[Anonymous]

One issue that has been brought up on the SN board is that all these practitioners are running a business, so you have to be aware of the motivation to retain clients.
Waiting lists are shorter and there is more availability than there was a few years ago.

Really, for a normal, healthy kid the issue should be resolved in 6 months or so. It shouldn't be long term.

If not, I think a check-in with a psychiatrist is a good idea or maybe think about switching therapists if there is no progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an anecdote: we had a much better experience with an older therapist. The problem is most practices only have openings with their new practitioners, who tend to be young. I sometimes think you shouldn’t be able to get licensed until you are 50+, somewhat jaded, and have seen some stuff

Very good point. The last person I would let any teen see as a therapist is a woman younger than about 35.

I wish I had taken this advice 3 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Son had one therapist that ALWAYS made things worse. He is now with one who focuses on mindfulness/self awareness. Much better.

[Anonymous]

Yes! When the therapist tries to validate, they can sabotage what the parents are doing (assuming the parents are appropriate and not abusive) and make things worse by feeding into the kids' concerns. Many push their views and baggage vs. take a neutral stance for the child's needs.

[Anonymous]

I am torn on this. I absolutely think that there are many bad therapists out there who encourage rumination and victim mentality and basically wallowing in your feelings with no concrete action to move forward.

But on the other hand, I remember my mother pulling the plug on sessions my brother was having with a child psychologist because he suggested that she was part of the problem. And he was absolutely right. It's impossible to know from the outside.

[Anonymous]

Therapists are mainly beneficial for the person who insists you go to one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the huge rise in teens seeing therapist. Except in extreme cases of trauma or mental illness, why is this common place now?

So that they can ruminate and have a victim mentality! Keep up!

lol, but, often true